New-Old Brewery Almost Here

Here are some exclusive photos, courtesy of Rod, showing the arrival of the new equipment for the Old Brewery. It's all coming on apace over at the ORNC, and the new brewery/bar/bistro is scheduled for the third week in March.

I'm very excited, despite not being a beer drinker, just because it all feels so right. The old brewery was here, it's been excavated properly and it's going to have a real purpose again (I don't know what it was used for in the intervening years, but I'm guessing something dull like deckchair storage.)

It's a local brewery, making quality beers and - well - let's face it, a company called Meantime really does need to be at least within spitting distance of the Meridian line.

I'm particularly looking forward to the bistro (that will be the non-beer-drinker in me) and the promised exhibition about the history of brewing on the site.

So - make a date in your diary for the third week in March, when you will be able to make like a Pensioner and drink real Greenwich Hospital beer again, albeit (hopefully) without the attendant dysentery that came with the original.

BTW, does anyone know what happened to the Wood Wharf restaurant? I've tried to visit it three times but each time it wasn't serving food and didn't look like it ever had. I hope it will start soon. I could do with a new restaurant to visit.

Greenwich Hampers

Trevor's had a good idea and he needs our help. He says:

"For Christmas we had the idea of making up small food parcels full of Greenwich goodies for people as gifts - India Pale Ale from Meantime; Chipolatas from Drings;. Mince pies from Nevada St Deli( do you do them Laura?).

Essentially things that celebrate Greenwich, and which demonstrate the uniqueness of where we have chosen to live. We are looking for other ideas to fill a small box, if you and your ever resourceful readers have ideas they are willing to share - we'll even go as far out as Lea at a push for honey from 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers', but if there's nearer that will do!"

I think this is a great idea for a Christmas present, though you may have your work cut out, Trevor - although we have loads of eat-it-now food around here (and especially in the covered market) foods that are traditionally 'Greenwich' are few and far between.

The only really traditional Greenwich dish is whitebait and I wouldn't want to leave a load of little fish-fry under the Christmas tree (especially if you have cats...) But there are ways you can cheat.

Meantime is, I agree, the obvious choice and a truly local product. Next you you should be able to get their super-duper specially-aged-forever Greenwich ORNC beer, but for now there are still several choices.

If Nevada St Deli don't do their own mince pies, there's always Rhodes. Staying with the sweet stuff, the short-lived (hopefully to rise again at some point) East Greenwich Pleasaunce market there was a guy who was selling some of the best chocolate biscuits I've ever tasted. I don't know if he was from Greenwich - but they were good.

I'm told the Scotch eggs are particularly fine at Drings so maybe you could add a couple to those chipolatas. While you're in Royal Hill, you could see if the Creaky Shed has any Kentish cobnuts, or (a bit of a sneaky, this) you could get some chestnuts and, with your best 'innocent' face, claim you gathered them in Greenwich Park.

If the stall's there this year, Blackheath Farmers Market will supply you with a very tasty Christmas pud in a jolly stripy bowl. I can't guarantee that anything at the farmers' market is particularly local - I've never really worked out the criteria - some stuff seems to come from a very long way away - the tomatoes, for example, come from the Isle of Wight (actually, it may be Jersey - but, whatever - somewhere that's far enough away that I consider it to be holiday-worthy...) but I guess it's more local than supermarkets, and much of the produce is very good. especially just before Christmas.

I didn't make it to the market on Sunday, for probably the same reasons as all the other wussy people who took one look out of the window and went back to bed, but I understand that there's a new guy there who uses foraged fruit and stuff from neighbours' gardens to make preserves. He's based in 'South London,' though whether that's Greenwich or Richmond, I have no idea.

If you don't mind things from a little further afield, Rochester Ginger Wine is very festive and has one hell of a kick to it. I'm sure I've seen it in the covered market. Staying with beverages, London Coffee Roasters are based in Charlton (they're the guys who used to have Beehive) producing a fine blend of their own, and, just as good, Union Coffee Roasters are just across the river.

I'm sure that other people will have some ideas to add to your fantasy hamper, Trevor - and perhaps, even, some quirky suggestions for what you can put all the goodies in...

Elements

Novotel Hotel, Greenwich High Road, SE10

I first ate here two or three years ago, but when I came to write about it, even a short while afterwards, discovered that I'd totally forgotten the experience. I hadn't been particularly heavy on the alcohol, I just couldn't remember it.

So I thought I'd better try it again. The second time, I worked out why I'd had such a blank about it.

The first thing to remember is that this is a restaurant attached to a hotel. It's a middling, chain hotel and the restaurant, although bright and smart, can't help but reflect that strange, impersonal, just-passing-through feel that kind of place attracts. The staff make every effort to counter this with almost stiflingly solicitous attention, but ultimately those high ceilings with their bright downlighters and the tasteful corporate furnishings, complete with little metal corner-covers on the walls to prevent chips in the plaster just feel a little soulless.

I'd say all the other customers on the night we went were staying at the hotel; most were single business(men - there was one woman) and a table that seemed to be people who'd be having a formal meeting the next day.

We were greeted, seated and given menus almost instantly, and from then on we enjoyed a veritable parade of waiting staff, including the occasional stalk-by from the manager, checking to see if we were okay. It became almost funny - we didn't manage to take a single bite before being asked if the food was acceptable, and we were checked up on at least three times in each course. I'm not sure what they'd have done if we'd actually had anything real to complain about, but at least the spirit was willing.

So. The food. It's perfectly acceptable. Just entirely unmemorable - even as I write this I have to really strain to recall what I had - and not cheap enough to justify its being so. The starters were small but well-enough put together. A Ceasar Salad was crisp and with plenty of Parmesan, though served in a bowl that I'd have called a factory-second if I didn't know about the inexplicable fashion for weird-shaped crockery that's happily beginning to wane these days. My fishcake was miniscule, but the salsa was tasty and it went down fine.

After a few more check-ups that we were enjoying ourselves, seemingly by every single member of staff (though not by any chambermaids or maintenance men. Don't they care about their customers?) the mains arrived. Again - small, but generally okay.

My sea bream was a bit dry, as was the asparagus it was on, and the braised lettuce was just plain weird, but it was all made up for by the butternut squash raviolli that came with it. My companion's beef pie was very enjoyable indeed - meltingly long-cooked meat and crusty pastry - even if it should have been served with a magnifying glass. The chips were very good. Everything arrived in peculiarly-shaped crocks.

All in all, this was an okay meal. It was all edible and some of it was very pleasant. But even as I write this, the memory is fading, and I'm not sure the forty-quid price tag just for the food was really justified. I can't say I'll be going back for a third attempt.

Roast Update

Tina's been moaning that the old discussion about Sunday roasts and where to find the best ones is a bit creaky these days, being over two years old, so I thought that I'd reopen the debate at a time of year when we're all looking for that cosy lunchtime feast.

I confess I'm still with the Plume of Feathers. It's cosy, friendly and I like the food. I guess it's the one I end up at most often.

The Vanbrugh is another Phantom pick - while it took me several attempts to eat there (difficult to explain why I walked in and walked out again several times) but once I did, I really enjoyed it. I'd give you a link, except it's not working - is there something I don't know?

I've been hearing good things about the roasts at the Pelton Arms (or the Nag's Head - it's still wearing its Only Fools... badge of honour) I've only been there for a drink - though there was an enormous cheeseboard out on one of the tables for guests to graze. It's cosy (a bit too cosy if you fall for the lure of the fabulous comfy chairs by the real fire - when a place is too hot for me, it's too hot...)Jo - note - they have live bands.

Inside still has a fine Sunday lunch, though the jury seems to be out on the new sister pub at the Guildford, now the lovely French couple have gone - seems to me that the food's okay, but the atmosphere's a bit on the stark side, and, while I can cope with minimalist in restaurants, I want my pubs to be cosy.

The Union has just been refurbished - I haven't been yet but I know a whole bunch of you have. Maybe you can update me (No - not you, Rod, you could be a tad biased...)

Another place I haven't been to for a long while is Greenwich Inc's Trafalgar Tavern - it's the place I take difficult relatives for an all-purpose Sunday roast - you know the kind of relative - the sort who want a feel of 'Olde Greenwich' - it's perfectly okay.

But I guess the place we all have our beady eye on is the new Wood Wharf River Bar and Grill Restaurant. It's had a rocky ride to opening - promising dates that are always a couple of months ahead. I have heard that it really is going for a late November opening. I'll find out the exact details and report back, guys.

In the meanwhile - let's hear your favourite Sunday lunchtime venues...

The Guildford

No longer le Guildford, the quiet demise of the most recent incarnation of this former pub could have been an utter disaster I used to love the place - never had a bad meal there.

Happily, unbeknown to the rest of us, Guy Awford from Inside had been negotiating for some time about taking over and within a week or so of the delightful French guy (whose name I never knew) leaving, the decorators were in.

He has big plans for the place. Downstairs will be the gastro-pub side of things - simple food and, at some point some interesting beers. Upstairs, just as soon as they can get the builders to make the staircase bigger, will be a place for fine dining - finer, apparently than the current Inside offerings. I'm really looking forward to that - Greenwich is in real need of top-end restaurants for special occasions.

In the meanwhile the downstairs part has been hastily rejigged and is already enjoying hefty business - when I went in there more than half of the tables had little 'reserved' signs on them and the sofas were full.

I have to say from the outset - I am not a fan of the nauties' minimalism that encourages bare walls, bare tables and clattery wood floors, so I confess that the new look is not for me. I miss the understated sumptuousness of the old incarnation - the warmth of the old red walls, the fancy chandeliers and the cosiness of the sofas by the fire, which have now been shoved to one side near the bar. But there are plenty of people who like the minimalist feel and I'm probably alone in feeling that the new look is a bit cold and forlorn.

The food, though, is great. We had a good selection from the gastro-pub menu - which ranges from hearty soups (the squash one came with its own cheesy croutons which were fantastic) and mussels (plenty of them and nicely cooked, though perhaps a teeny-tiny bit creamy for some) to main courses of beer-battered fish and chips and hearty shepherd's pies.

They came in reasonable time, with a smile and a chat, despite it warming up to be a busy night, and we felt welcome and included, which is not always a given when you're not from around these parts in a local restaurant for local people.

The new incarnation of The Guildford has all the promise of becoming a Greenwich favourite, especially if he can make a go of the fine dining part upstairs. I'd guess that 80% of my fellow diners had walked less than five minutes to get there, and they are the sort of people who will return if a place is good. Guy Awford's good at getting people to return. For me, I just wish he'd get some curtains and a few chandeliers...

Greenwich Farmers Market First Impressions

So - who made it to a very windy East Greenwich Pleasaunce yesterday for the Farmers' market, then?

I didn't get to the grand opening of the cafe by the mayor, but I did go to the market itself and for my part I thought it was really rather good.

Much smaller than Blackheath's version, but with largely different stalls - so you could go to both if you were really into sourcing your food locally. I liked, for instance, that the tomato stall doesn't have toms that have come all the way from the Isle of Wight (they seemed cheaper too, but that might just be because tomatoes are in season at the moment...)

I also liked the cheese man - and his toasted sandwiches were v. good. I tested two of the Biscuit Man's cookies - the oatcakey one was good, but the chocolate one was superb (he says he'll only be there once every three weeks, but he's worth looking out for.) The sausage stall was doing huge business (I've not heard of the Giggly Pig before) and the bread and veg looked fresh and enticing. From what I've scoffed of my haul so far, it's been a success.

I came away with a nice carrier bag of goodies, and a good feeling about this. It didn't look to me as though any 'sensitive' parts of the park had had lorries driven over them or parked on them, and the stalls themselves were all on the paths.

The only real possibilities of objections I can think of might be from the flats behind - but hey - maybe we should wait for objections, rather than just assume them? The residents might really like the fact that the Pleasaunce is possibly more alive now than it has ever been, and not, as far as I can see, to the detriment of its permanent inhabitants.

But that's just my first impressions. Anyone else here go? What did you think?

New Farmers Market

I have Tony, Ray and Pat to thank for this news, all of which arrived in my inbox this morning - but I am absolutely stunned that it's taken to the day before something as exciting as this for me to notice that....

...drumroll...

...we have a new Farmers' Market at EAST GREENWICH PLEASAUNCE!

It's going to start TOMORROW, Saturday 3rd Oct, and will be there every Saturday, 10.00am - 4.00pm.

Expect all the usual goodies - fruit & veg, preserves, bread, rare-breed meat and even, apparently, fresh fish...

I'm slightly worried that if I didn't know about this - and I really do keep my eyes peeled for stuff as I walk around - then lots of people might not - it might not be as well-attended as it could be and they'll think we don't care - so do try to get along if you can.

As a complete aside, I've been adding a few things to the Parish News today - can I politely remind people that if they have stuff to send me, PDFs or waffly emails are a bad thing, as I can't cut & paste them. This means that I put them to one side for dealing with 'when I have time' - which, of course, I never do. I end up forgetting about them until after the event...

The Guildford

This is turning into a bit of a pubby week.

Peaches asks:

"Does anyone know any more about what's happening at The Guildford?
The owner Mel left on Monday and the painters are at it already. Rumour has it that the folk behind Inside have taken it over. Anyone know what they're planning to do? Do hope it's going to stay as some kind of pub rather than become a 'proper' restaurant."

I am so behind the times that I didn't realise the owners were going. I'd have made more of an effort to get there before they left - I loved the Guildford.

So of course I have no clue what's happening to it. I can think of worse fates than being taken over by the guys from Inside though. Any time they want to come and do up The Old Friends, while they're about it...

If anyone knows, do tell...

First Catch Your Whitebait

I was watching an article on Ch4 News last night about the virtual extinction of blue fin tuna in Europe thanks to overfishing, and my thoughts turned to our own local un-eco-friendly fish.

Whitebait is one of the - indeed, probably the only truly Greenwich dish. It isn't the main reason people come to visit anymore, but it's still on the menu at places like the Trafalgar.

Personally those little whole fish staring up at me through their thin coating of floury glaze give me the creeps in the way larger fish just don't and I can't bring myself to eat them, but, like olives, marzipan and oysters, if you like 'em, you love 'em; if you don't, you hate them - there's no halfway house.

You eat it all - head, fins, tail, guts, the lot. Speed was - and I guess still is - of the essence. Mr and Mrs S.C. Hall, who wrote The Book of the Thames in 1859, were quite clear on the subject:

"unless cooked within a very brief space after removal from the water, it undergoes a change which the 'nice' palate can at once detect."

Since they are no longer caught right outside our doorsteps, I'm guessing we've just got used to the 'change...' these days.

To keep the fish fresh, large numbers were kept in big buckets of water, hoicked out with a skimmer then rolled alive in flour before being chucked into a cauldron full of bubbling lard for a maximum of two minutes. A squeeze of lemon, a pinch of cayenne pepper, a little bread and butter and, bish-bosh, your very own Sarf London feast.

Back in the day, when the Ship Hotel (which stood roughly where the Cutty Sark ship does today - I'll come onto that place in detail some other day) vied with the Trafalgar Tavern for the whitebait supper trade.

Both were equally popular, but at least once a year, they became fiercely political when the current Cabinet would all decamp to Greenwich for a pre-session jolly. Depending on the year, one or other establishment would enjoy their patronage - the Ship got the Torys, the Trafalgar the Whigs/Liberals. The rest of the year the place attracted artists and writers scoffing bowls of whitebait washed down with copious amounts of Champagne or a particularly potent punch - I don't think I've read a guidebook that hasn't mentioned Charles Dickens's famous quote:

"There is no next morning hangover like that which follows a Greenwich dinner."

I know the feeling and I don't even eat the little buggers.

Of course back then, whitebait was thought to be an entirely separate species of fish. Here's one:



There was much debate as to why it was only available 'in season' - between July and the end of August (we're just out of the traditional season now, of course, though I suspect that the Trafalgar serves it all year round these days) but it was generally thought that they lived further out in the estuary.

It was relatively recently that scientists proved the ridiculous idea sniffed at in The Book of the Thames - that it's actually just the fry of various fish - mainly herring here in Britain.

In one of those I-don't-want-to-think-about-it-too-much moments, it was also believed that whitebait was a fish that thrived upon the pollution that the Thames could uniquely provide. The Halls tell us many believe:

"...when the Thames is cleansed and purified, the whitebait will vanish altogether from the river."

There was quite an industry fishing for the stuff in season.

"The mouth of the net is by no means large, measuring only about three feet square in extent; but the mesh of the hose or bag-end of the net is very small."

And there's the rub. In Victorian times, the Thames was positively boiling with young fish during the season. Today, I doubt there's anywhere in the world that truly bubbles with young fish. Fishermen are being forced to use smaller and smaller gauge nets just to get any kind of catch, fishing for younger and younger fish. And whitebait is the youngest of all.

We have a problem here. Fish is great - it's healthy and tasty - but we're just eating too much of the most unsustainable varieties. Too bad for Greenwich that our only 'national' dish consists of the young of an albeit still quite sustainable fish. Trouble is, if we eat all the young, there's nothing left to breed.

It's a poser. I looked on the Marine Conservation Society's website for guidance - they don't conclusively say 'you must stop eating it now,' instead opting for

"Taking juveniles before they have a chance to spawn undermines future sustainability"

Which I'm reading as "one to watch..."

I looked on their very useful graph of when it's safe to buy various sorts of fish and which ones you should avoid at all costs. It doesn't specifically mention whitebait, but herring seems pretty okay - at the moment.

The MCS also do a free card to carry in your wallet to say when fish are sustainably caught - to get one, call 01989 566017.

Just Like Mammas

I may have taken a couple of days off blogging, but I have been squirreling around, honest.

For example, I've been looking at the sad old sight that is the old village market. I guess I didn't realise how much I'd miss somewhere where, apart from Beehive's coffee, I wasn't a regular purchaser. It all looked so forlorn, behind those white 'graffiti-me' hoardings, reminding me that I can't just wander through any more, can't find weird furniture fittings rusting in compartmented boxes or an old military jacket, a belly dance outfit or a Moroccan lantern just any time I want to any more.

There are a few relocations, I notice - the Bottle Shop is now down Trafalgar Road, in the old print works (which in turn is now in Crane St.) 360 Degrees is now in a much smaller shop in the covered market. But the randomness, quirkiness and - let's face it, tattiness - is quite gone.

But I was cheered by a new stall in the covered market. Just Like Mammas isn't actually new - but it's been tucked away round the back since it's opened. Yesterday it was in the main part of the market and the poor guys seemed a bit overwhelmed by the sudden influx of trade.

I'll guess it's a family business, Dad(who at least sounds Italian), Mum and kiddie, who have bought a real wood-burning pizza oven (I suspect you can buy such things in the Italian equivalent of B&Q but I've never seen one before) and make proper thin-crust pizzas while you wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Poor guys - in that tiny stove they can only make one or two at a time and though they were working flat-out, and though the pizzas themselves only took minutes to bake, the wait was looooong.

Thing is, the pizzas just looked so good, people all around me were ordering and ordering, which gave them a backlog that was quite scary. They just weren't used to actually having people wanting their goods and they looked a bit flustered. But they were fun and friendly as they worked and the queue atmosphere was not unpleasant. And I got time to see the stall.

They have a little table and chairs painted in red, white and green (the table has a little Lambretta sign on it, and the sandwich board what looks like a scooter headlamp. I was also pleased to see a fire bucket just in case...

So was it worth the wait? Yup. Crispy, crusty and with nice-quality fillings. Nothing too fancy - there are only four choices - very Neapolitan - but all done well. Prices average for Greenwich Market - £3.95 for a basic Margarita, £4.95 for the other three - Vegetariana, Spinach & Gorgonzola and Salami.

They were only in the main part of the market because it was a Bank Holiday weekend and someone had taken the time off, so if you want to find them in future, you should look down the little side street that goes down to Beachcomber restaurant. And hey - there the wait might not be so hellish...

La Salumeria Update

This time last year I was really worried about La Salumeria. The family-run business which seems to have been on Trafalgar Road since at least the Ark was up for sale and I had visions of it becoming yet another dodgy estate agent.

There are few things we have to thank the downturn in the economy for, but the family being unable to sell the business and choosing instead to refurbish and relaunch is something I'm frankly very pleased about, even if it does mean no retirement for the older guy in there.

It was a mildly anxious time while the delightfully crusty deli updated itself. In came new shiny metal bars in the ceiling - just check them out at the moment - they're jostling with a mass of fancy boxes, cellophane and ribbon as the seasonal rush of panettone-chomping begins. In came new window displays and shelf-orders; out went that slightly grubby-looking chainlink curtain.

I'm very pleased to see that they haven't gone down the route of modern delis which just display a few top-price boutique items in a 'contemporary' minimalist way. I want to walk into an Italian deli and see a riot of colour - of cans with strange designs, the contents of which I have no idea, but I'll take a chance on just because I like the picture of the jolly peasants or the art-deco fish on the front. Of packets of dried things that may or may not be pasta. Of jars of paste and bags of vacuum-packed sausages. Of boxes of sweeties and tins of biscuits in papery cases you can roll up and set fire to after dinner for no other reason than it's fun...

The last wraps to come down were at the back. Turning the shop into yet another cafe in Trafalgar Road is a gamble - but let's face it, the back wasn't doing much as it was - a few bottles of wine and extra packets of stuff that I never really got round to buying.

It's now a simple, bright little area which serves very good (as one might expect from Italians) coffee, but I wanted to see what else they served.

I'm guessing that the same re-heating rules that cramp Royal Teas style also apply to La Salumeria, though I doubt there'd be any room for proper cooking anyway. They do soup and whatever pasta / main-course-y dishes they sell behind the counter, re-heated at the back.

Re-heated pasta isn't always wildly successful, and I confess that my basic pasta shells-with-sauce were a bit rubbery. But my companion declared her lasagna to be very tasty, so perhaps the more elaborate the basic dish, the less you notice the bits that don't reheat too well. I noticed (too late for that particular lunch) that they do paninis, so I'll give them a go next time.

But La Salumeria had an ace up its sleeve.

Tiramisu.

Yes - that stalwart of 1980s dinner parties, turned by non-Italians into a sad, dry little sponge-and-cream apology with a spot of brandy waved over the top if you were lucky, never actually went 'out' in classic Italian cookery, and the one they serve at La Salumeria is really very good indeed. Lots of everything - coffee, custardy-cream, spongey bits and Marsala, splodgy and sloppy - and absolutely delicious.

As a lunchtime caff, I'd say that it's not the best in the street. But as a place for coffee and a bowl of naughty Italian pud, it's unbeatable. If you can't stop to eat in, you can also buy the Tiramisu to take away.

Rhodes Prices

Margaret says:

"Was shocked and taken aback to find the new Coffee/bread shop, Rhodes, in Greenwich town centre charging an extra 70p to put a slither of butter - which was actually soft margarine - on my 80p scone. On complaining about this,assistant said couldn't do anything about it, down to the owner!! Told them not a very clever thing to do,especially local residents!! Has anyone else had any bad experiences there??"

The Phantom replies:

I think they're still playing with their prices. When I went in there in the first couple of days, I had a pleasant chat with the American guy who seems to be in charge of the actual shop, and he asked me what I thought of the 'then' prices, saying that they didn't really know what to charge - I guess because there isn't a comparable outlet in the area - an actual shop rather than a stall, artisanal baked goods and a small sit-down area, though I was mildly surprised they hadn't visited other similar places in the capital to check out their prices, which, I'm guessing they have done now.

The thing is, is that this IS a tourist area, and the CAN get that sort of money for a scone and butter (are you sure it was marg?) when people are expecting to pay for a day out. I also suspect that the shop is not a cheap place to rent and the good old fashioned 'overheads' are kicking in. It's probably not just representing the price of the spread, but also the fact that you'll be sitting down' to consume it. I'm not sure if there are different tax prices if a scone stops being a 'raw material' and becomes in the government's eyes 'a sit down meal.' Maybe someone can enlighten me?

BUT. In the winter months especially, when the tourists aren't forthcoming and they rely on us locals, especially with the looming recession, 70p for a scrape of butter does seem a bit excessive, even if you're paying realistic wages to your staff (you are paying realistic wages to your staff, guys, now, aren't you..?)

Here's a thought, Rhodes guys. Why not do a residents' discount - I don't know - free butter on your bun or something - easy enough created by talking to the GreenwichCard department at the Council. Giving us locals a discount will create a hell of a lot more goodwill than it will cost you in butter, and it will keep us coming through thick and thin.

Or maybe a loyalty card? I have about four of them for Beehive, as I keep forgetting to bring them with me, but I'm determined that one day I'll bring them all together and get myself a free flat white.

I still love Rhodes. I'm not quite so fond of their brownies as their other stuff - mine was really rather dry and sugary but those raspberry custard tarts, the giant meringues and, yes - those scones - are fab. IMHO it's a massive contribution to Greenwich Town centre, and not just because it's a proper bakery where we only had Greggs before. It sends out a signal to other high quality shops that don't exclusively pander to the tourist trade that Greenwich is ready for nice food, friendly service and attractive surroundings. I'm a regular, so I'd most definitely appreciate a loyalty card system/Greenwichcard Discount/ both.

So what do you think? Is Rhodes losing it's shine, or do we need to be a little indulgent of a new, high quality business?

English Deli Blues

Mick asks:

"I'm looking to open an English style deli in the market sq area,but am getting problems from planners, got any advice on way forward, they think ones not wanted by locals,any help will be appreciated."

The Phantom is slightly surprised. I thought that they were desperate to open shops there, despite the big fat question mark hanging over the whole area re.development.

At the risk of teaching my grandmother to suck the proverbial, are you sure the usage of the store is allowed? I've noticed "A3 use will not be considered" on several leases there.

A3 normally refers to cafes and restaurants - the sale of food and drink for consumption on the premises - or takeaways - the sale of hot food for consumption off the premises. Perhaps you intended to sell slices of hot roast beef or have a little tearoom at the back? That could be the problem.

It's where several small cafes have fallen down - the glorious Royal Teas, for one. More recently, according to the sign in their window, the council have got sniffy about the Organic Cafe - and are forcing them to move opposite the cinema (where, frankly, I think they'll do just fine - as soon as they fix that broken window - bad luck, guys...)

It does seem that the council wants to stop cafes (although I note they don't seem to have come crashing down on any of the chains - presumably it's easier to catch the small fish) but I wasn't aware that they were preventing delis.

I guess what it would be useful to know is who these planners are. Are they Greenwich Hospital (who I presume own the shops) or the council? If it's the council, then a letter to your councillor might be a good start, asking for exact reasons - it's hard to know how to fight a vague refusal. I find their argument - that locals don't want one - fishy - I can't see tourists bringing their shopping bags ready to lug home mushy peas and Cornish pasties. Is this their written reasons?

If you're asking whether locals would want one - well - do you, guys? I think if it's well done, an English deli - especially if it includes local food, would be welcome. But that's just me...

Actually, now I can't see the signs in my head it may be that A2 use is the one that won't be considered - that's financial and professional services, including bookies (heavens) - which I would absolutely agree with. And looking at it further, it would seem that a deli, unless it served food, would count as A1 anyway.

Hell, I don't know. But I'd say the first thing you need to do is get exact reasons for their refusal in writing. You can't fight a phantom (and I should know ;-) )

Rhodes Bakery

Not as in Gary - or, even less comfortably, Cecil, Rhodes Bakery is the answer to quite a few Greenwich prayers - an artisan bakery. We (well, ok, I) have been whinging for one for ages - we have butchers, greengrocers, fishmongers - and several delis (I'm very much looking forward to testing out the cafe at the back of the newly-refurbed Salumeria) but have suffered a paucity of bakers. And no. In no way does Greggs EVER count...

I was highly excited to find out that Rhodes, which has been tucked away behind the power station for yonks and supplying restaurants and bakers in town, but, unless there was some secret back-door system I never knew about, didn't sell locally. Now I notice there's a sign outside the bakery itself and the swanky shop in College Approach is well and truly open.

It's an awkward corner. Traffic whizzes past just that little bit too closely and there's no real outside space - but on the other hand it's clearly on view to all coming from the pier, the Cutty Sark and the ORNC. I love the natty canopies - they brighten that once-dead corner up before you even see the shop. I think - and hope it will do well. Let's face it - from students, if nothing else. All sudents eat buns. It's a fact.

Inside Rhodes is bright and modern, but with just enough cosy tradition to draw-in a greedy Phantom. A tower of muffins on a glass cake plate. Shelves of fancy breads, piles of scones and cakes, clouds of fluffy meringues in pink and white. Inside, there's a big glass-fronted counter with larger cakes and flans, tartes and tortes. Shelves with jams and pickles, specialty teas and coffees (a big thumbs-up for Union Coffee Roasters coffee) and a big barrel of oil where you can fill your own bottle.

But what flew out at me most was the guy behind the counter (not literally - that would have been creepy...) His welcome was as fresh as the cream on the scones, and his enthusiasm belied the fact that I was there about 6.30pm and he'd been up since 4.30am. The place is open a punishing 7.00am-7.00pm and, for the moment at least, he's there for all of it.

I haven't tested everything there yet. Aw - c'mon - it's only been open a couple of weeks. But what I have had has been extremely yummy. It has a few stools and a counter to sit at and stare out at the wheel, the ORNC and the traffic, and wonder just what those funky lamps are made of (I'm betting old salad-cream bottles) but I'd say this isn't really a place to count on having a coffee and a bun every time. It's just too small. There's nowhere for them to spill out onto the pavement, and the stools - though perfectly adequate - are not for a reflective cuppa.

No, this is a place to buy lovely bread, gorgeous cakes and splendid buns. I haven't noticed much 'everyday' bread - but given that I've never passed the place before midday (yeah, yeah, I'm a lazy old Phantom) it could be just that they've sold out by the time I'm up and about...

The guy told me they've been agonising over the prices - they want to make their goods special without frightening ordinary shoppers off. I'd be interested to hear your opinions. Personally I think £1.50 for an eat-in scone with clotted cream and jam is pretty damn good...

A word about the illustration for this piece. It's by local artist and illustrator, Sarah McIntyre, who has a fabulous drawn blog here. There's currently a long-running series based on the airship, but she often does Greenwich-y stuff. She also has a website that's well worth a visit.I hope to feature more of her work here from time to time - she really makes me smile...

A Cautionary Tale

Michael has sent me yet another reason to spurn the supermarkets in favour of the independents:

"There am I shopping in M & S as I normally do and silly me decided I fancied an Avocado. So silly me picks up the Avocado and puts in my basket. At the checkout the assistant scans the avocado and "beep", it comes back as 'restricted.'

Restricted? What could that mean? Another assistant comes along, takes my avocado and eventually comes back with another; "we are not allowed to sell this one, but you can have this one".

I stare at said avocados. Despite the fact my original choice was bigger, they look the same. Me being me says, "No I want my one"...."

"Well you can't, it is restricted"...this goes on for a while.

Eventually a manager turns up and says they are not allowed to sell "my" avocado until the 10th July? Why I ask?...because they are "too hard - someone might complain".

"Well I'm not sure about you but I think I'm quite capable of working out that an avocado is too hard....isn't that why we have airing cupboards? Perhaps I plan to eat it later in the week...".

Unfortunately my innate ability to tell ripened from un-ripened wouldn't cut it with the staff of M&S. Off to Blackheath Standard Grocers (Orange & Apple - TGP) where surprise, surprise they were quite happy to sell me any avocado I liked!

I guess this is all down to the way food is mass-produced - food is harvested stupidly early and kept refrigerated, often for months, in an unripe state, so that it can be produced at will on the shelves. Most of the time this is seamless - it all goes on behind the scenes and many of us don't ask questions about where our food is coming from and how it gets to us.

It's not genetically modified - but it's certainly not a natural process. I'll wager that slightly further up the food chain this is also happening, to some extent at least, with the smaller grocers, but there does seem to be at least a chance that the food is more local and has jumped through fewer hoops to get to us.

One step back on the chain, and the local farmers' market is probably the most unadulterated we'll get short of starting up our own smallholding in the back garden and renaming ourselves Tom and Barbara (BTW - has anyone here done that? It's quite beyond the realms of possibility in some of the bigger gardens round here, I guess...) It's not perfect and I have my suspicions about some stuff - but hey - if nothing else, walking there of a Sunday morning with a hessian bag and wandering around in the sunshine (or rain) makes you feel as though you're getting back to nature, and the food miles are at least a little fewer.

BTW does anyone know why the bacon-sandwich man only seems to do sausage sandwiches now? Or have we just been unlucky every time we've been recently?

An Unfortunate Incident...

...or The Phantom, The Food Waggon and The Very Messy Pie...

I have lost count of the number of you lovely people who have been telling me that Goddards Pies have managed to survive, despite being bought out of their lovely old shop by The Gourmet Burger people. I can understand their doing it and though selling pies out of a van could be seen as a step down, they are at least still going.

I was determined to try them out again before writing about it, and it's taken me all this time (a good few months) to get round to it. Time seems to be very short just now.

So. There we were, hungry, and in the tiny food-courty bit sandwiched by the bank and the railway line in Greenwich Church Street. A perfect opportunity to test Goddards at last.

They still do much the same range as before - all the old favourites (including rhubarb crumble, hooray.) And they're still as jolly and friendly as ever. We bought a selection, found ourselves a bench at the back (interestingly, although it was a Saturday, lunchtime, heaving outside and not tipping with rain there was loads of space) and dug in.

And yes, the stuff's pretty much the same as ever. With one exception. It's all ridiculously hot. I guess they have to keep it piping and you do have to eat it with your fingers these days instead of with a knife and fork, but this is something else.

It was all going pretty well until I bit into the cheese and onion pie. Now - I know I didn't have too many of them back in the days of the shop, but was it really just a sort of searing-hot goo in the olden times? This was like a cheesy version of instant mash potato when it's been made up with too much water.

I'll give you tasty. The actual flavour wasn't bad at at all. But it started to seep, then rain scorching spud all over me. I'd taken a paper napkin, so I was able to mop up as I went along, but once I'd got past the pastry, it all collapsed, covering me with red- hot (and very wet) potato.

Apart from the incredible pain, it was the shame that got me. A Phantom with red-hot potato smarmed all over their mush is not a pretty sight. Trouble was, by this time my napkin was already covered with cheesy pie innards, so the more I dabbed at the goo dribbling down my chin, the more I covered the rest of my face. It went on my nose, my cheeks, my lips - everywhere. My companions found it extremely amusing until they realised that my face was burning underneath. They got me more paper tissues and I cleaned up. It took about half an hour for the red marks to die down.

So. Here's my advice. By all means go to Goddards. And enjoy the lovely meaty/fruity/cheesy pies. Enjoy the friendly banter. But take lots of paper napkins and wear old clothes. Carrying some soothing ointment as a precaution may not go amiss.

Fishmonger News

Or maybe it's Olds for some of you but it's certainly news for me. For months people have been finding some very erratic opening hours at the Trafalgar Road branch, including me and today, after making a special walk to get some fish (working on the "it's Friday morning - if a fish shop is going to be open any time it will be then" approach) and finding the shutters down again, I emailed the Fishmonger team to find out once and for all what's happening.

Emma replies:

"Unfortunately, we have had to close the Trafalgar Road shop. All of our business is now out of the Circus Street/Royal Hill branch. We are in the process of updating the web site with the new information and that should be working within a week or so. We are open in Circus Street from Tuesday to Friday 8.00 till 5.00 and on Saturday from 7.30 until 4.30. We are closed the day after a bank holiday as the inshore fishermen do not go to sea on a public holiday."

So - I've gone from being a grumpy Phantom to a sad Phantom. I guess it's good that we've at least got a fishmonger in Greenwich - but once again yet another good quality shop is over in the west, leaving the east with another closed storefront...

Oh Beehive!

Beehive Cafe

Ex-Flying Duck, Creek Road

I have been trying to get to this place since Angie told me it was going to open - in my keen-ness I managed to go before it was actually operative. I had a lovely chat with the people who have moved into Flying Duck's old gaff - four of them in all, all ex-market people - two lots of vintage clothes, a record guy and the coffee man. All delighted to have their own premises at last (the biggest comment was 'out of the cold - at last') even if they have to share it to be able to afford the rent. But we owe the Flying Duck people a big vote of thanks in that they may have gone themselves, but they absolutely refused to allow any chains to come in in their place and happily allowed independents to split the rent.

Then Real Life got in the way. I got emails by the crate-load - M&R, Darren, Jen, Angie, Katja - to name just the ones I can remember - telling me how good this coffee is, but only actually managed to get there yesterday.

And now I know what the fuss is about. This coffee is fabulous, folks. A worthy contender for the now-open crown (since the tragic demise of the Coffee Cellar) of "Best Coffee In Greenwich." Rich and satisfying, yet mellow and un-bitter at the same time, it's the owner's own blend, roasted by his own fair hand at his roastery in Charlton (you can still buy it at his stall on Stockwell St Market at weekends.)

The guy's Antipodean (I can't tell from his accent whether he's Aussie or a New Zealander - I'm sure someone will put me right) and they take their coffee very seriously Down Under. It truly is exceptional coffee - and for homesick antipodeans everywhere, yes, they do Flat Whites, and served with that all-important smile on their faces. It truly made me wonder at the queue outside the deeply inferior Starbucks that I had to pass to get to Beehive.

In fact my only complaint is the size of the place. It's minute. There's a couple of chairs around but apart from that you can really only get takeaway - nice enough on a day like this but less fun on a rainy Monday. Three of us trooped in and it was overcrowded. He needs a bigger place and quick.

But I have a cunning plan, and it goes like this.

We all visit this great new cafe, buy lots of coffee and then persuade the owners (someone told me it was Joy, but it could be Greenwich Hospital Trust) of the now-vacated Coffee Cellar to give the Beehive guy a good rent. We then persuade him to keep the groovy 60s theme and we'll once again have fantastic coffee in cool retro surroundings. Voila!

If you want to order hand roasted coffee - either for mail order or to pick up at the market stall, visit http://www.londoncoffeeroasters.co.uk/

New Food Market

Greenwich Market, Wednesdays to Sundays.

Several of us have been keeping an eye on proceedings at Greenwich Market's new foodie section (or the expansion of the old section) - and yesterday was the first day.

I confess I hadn't been that excited about it - the one that operates on the usual busy market weekends perhaps wisely concentrates on tourists - so the food tends towards the scoff-it-on-the-spot variety - interesting enough, but not the kind of ingredients you can get somewhere like Blackheath Farmers Market. I had assumed an expansion of the same.

Still - I had to go and have a look. Obviously.

It's clearly early days - there can't have been more than half a dozen stalls, spaced out in the market - very open and airy, but slightly empty-looking. And some of them were the usual suspects - as I say, nice enough, but not somewhere I'd go for my groceries. But I was very pleased to see at least two 'proper' fruit and veg stalls - one selling Kentish farm goods - from free range eggs, tomatoes and cucumbers to first-of-the-season strawberries, the other the Greenwich Community fruit and veg stall - extremely good value.

There were sundry bigwigs wandering around while I was there (that's how I could tell it was the first day - nothing if not observant, me...) and photographers, presumably for the local papers, but my own pics turned out utterly rubbish. Just imagine a fairly empty Greenwich Market Hall with a few very nice-looking stalls (the fairy cakes stall is scrummy - and no, I refuse to call them 'cupcakes...') and you'll have it.

The service on all the stalls was welcoming and friendly - if a little slow, as the stallholders chatted with everyone - a throwback to ye olden days when shopping was a social experience.

As I say, it's early days. There aren't that many stalls. But it's definitely worth a look - patronise it now and there will be more...

Patisseries/Bakeries in Greenwich

Meike asks:

I wondered if you happened to know any good bakery / patisserie in Greenwich? We're looking for something French if possible, similar to Paul's.

The Phantom replies:

To my great sadness no, I don't. Not in Greenwich. A couple of places - the fishmonger, the cheesemonger, the deli - sell the odd loaf of bread, there is a stall on the market and Buenos Aires up Royal Hill sells slices of cake and sweet little natas tarts. But there's no dedicated patisserie/bakery I know of; one of the more glaring gaps in the Greenwich Pantheon of shops. There is a (literal) bakery around the back of the Power Station - but it only makes bread - as far as I know there is no retail outlet.

People looking for business ideas, take note.

Indeed, they should take note of Blackheath, which has not one, but two fabulous patisserie/bakeries, almost next door to each other. Of the two, the exquisite Hand Made Foods I tend to think of as more of a deli than Boulangerie Jade, which is, I suspect, exactly what you're looking for. Melting cakes, wonderful bread, rolls and croissants and good coffee are just the start of it. Ok - so it's a bus ride or a brisk walk across the heath - but it should just mean you have even more room for the lovely gooey goodies purveyed.

I am not always jealous of Blackheath. In fact, I'm not usually jealous of Blackheath. But I do envy them their baked goods. Wonderful.

G.G. Sparkes

Old Dover Road, SE3

We're lucky in that we have not one, but two old, well-established traditional butchers. I'll get to the other one another day, but today I want to concentrate on G.G. Sparkes at Blackheath Standard.

I can find virtually nothing about him on the Internet - save that the business been around since 1952. I'm assuming it's a family show - either that or the guy's incredibly well-preserved (or perhaps has bought the business) which makes me happy - places like that, Gambardella, Standard DIY and Pegga Stores lend a real base of tradition among the spotty crop of estate agents, dead banks and fly-by-night caffs.

It's classic in style - a real "butcher's" - though has clearly been updated more recently than Drings. The meat has been organic and free-range for 18 years and sourced from really classy places - individually-selected farms and game suppliers. They also do rare breed meats and some very-good-indeed sausages.

Whenever I've swished my way through the chainlink curtain, the guy has fallen over backwards to help me, making suggestions and getting me to taste the cheeses (oh yes, they also have a cheese section and a small range of deli-goods - good-looking pastas, sauces, pickles - you know the kind of thing.) I understand there's a free delivery service though I've never bought enough stuff to warrant it.

I've heard rumour that he is one of Rick Stein's Food Heroes, but I don't remember him from the telly and I can't find any mention online - maybe someone can set me straight? Perhaps he's included in an accompanying book or something?

Billingsgate Fish Market

It's a bourgeois tragedy. The meat's bought (GG Sparkes) the cheese and veg is safely gathered in (Cheeseboard and Creaky Shed) vast vats worth of wine, port and sherry arrived(Theatre of Wine - delivery's free) but - zut alors! The Fishmonger's closed for the week! What's a phantom to do? Only one thing to do - brave the Blackwall Tunnel and the hour-that-dare-not speak its name, and Go Wholesale...

I utterly hate getting up when there's a five in the hour. It makes me literally ill - some kind of weird pressure thing at that time of the day seems to contract my chest and make me really rather queasy. I will do anything to avoid it - including getting up when there's a four in the hour. Billingsgate opens at five on a weekday (no Mondays, remember, and only shellfish on a Sunday)and because we knew nothing about how the place works we decided to turn up as soon after then as possible.

As it happens, it seems that the real rush happens about an hour later - and who can blame a bleary fishmonger for wanting to get an extra hour in bed? These guys do it every day, including winter - yeuch - and I confess I have a new-found respect for Julian at The Fishmonger Ltd for doing it. The only thing that would make me go at 5.30am again is the Blackwall Tunnel - really quite fluid at 5.15 - and going back south at six, but with a good queue building already on the other side going north. And from a buying point of view 5.30 seems a good time to arrive too. The car park is busy but not overflowing; the fishmongers doing a fair trade but still able to talk.

I confess that being quite a shy and retiring kinda phantom I was a little nervous of a wholesale market. I was concerned that I would stick out like the proverbial sore thumb as the tourist among all the Gordon Ramsays, Marco-Pierre Whites and, er, Julians. I had this image that the traders might be quite hostile to someone who didn't want to buy a hundredweight of Dover Sole or a whole barrel full of eels. I had also assumed that there would be no prices anywhere and a sort of Turkish bazaar-style haggling system would be the norm. I had, of course, forgotten one thing. This is Britain.

Billingsgate is one of those things everyone should do at least once in their lives, even if only so that they know what they're buying at The Fishmonger, and what goes on to get the goods to the shop. Wandering around the place is an education in itself, though not, I understand, as atmospheric as the old Billingsgate in the City, whose cellars, I have heard rumoured, took several years to thaw out when it was redeveloped by greedy people in the 80s. Their loss is our gain, I say. The market's new location makes it about 12 minutes by car. You could go by DLR to Canary Wharf (about ten minutes walk from the market,) but you might not be popular with other passengers on the way home.

The main market is, of course, covered, and a lot quieter than I had expected. As you know by now, I live in some kind of hazy 1960s time warp in my head and although there is friendly Alfred Doolittle costermonger-type banter going on (yeah, yeah, I know he was fruit & veg,) it's not the racket I had imagined - and not a single geezer with one of them silly 'ats on at all. Nobody seemed to be in the slightest bit interested in the tourists - ie. us - they were too busy going about their business, and we happily wandered up and down the aisles marvelling at the sheer variety of sea life we'd never heard of. I mean - what the hell do you do with a Ribbon Fish?

The whoppers are sold individually. We bought the biggest salmon we could fit in the fish kettle for a tenner - the truly mooosive ones were about twenty quid. While we were about it we bought a huge side of smoked salmon, also for ten pounds.

Of course where retail fishmongers really come into their own is with the giant fish - the halibuts, for example - you really do need to buy the whole damn thing when one slice from the local fish shop would feed a family of four for a month. All the individual can do is wonder at these majestic creatures laid out on slabs of ice.

Most of the smaller fish you need to buy by the boxful so its well worth going with friends and divvying up the spoils or making sure you have a LOT of room in the freezer. We bought a box of beautifully-filleted rainbow trout for fourteen pounds - there were thirteen in there, which makes them just over a pound each (unprepared trout was much cheaper.) As a final treat, we bought a kilo of gigantic king scallops also for fourteen pounds(with free plastic box, whoopee.)

We were treated with courtesy and smiled at by people who, at that hour of the morning could be forgiven for being very crabby indeed. There are two greasy-spoon type cafes in the place, but we didn't stop to test them (they looked fantastic)as we had one eye on the tunnel.

Back home we divided the scallops into sensible amounts in separate bags, and clingfilmed individual trout fillets we weren't going to use. Our freezer is now full to bursting - and anyone coming to dinner chez Phantom can expect scallops, salmon and trout for the foreseeable future.

It's still only 7.43am. I can't believe I'm up. I'd forgotten how good coffee is this time of day.

Seriously folks. Try this once. Take the pain, get up at 5.00am. Wander around, experience a little bit of London's heritage, buy some fish (oh - handy tip - take plenty of bin bags to put your loot in - some supply bags, others don't, you don't want it dripping everywhere) - and then grovel before Julian's feet, knowing he goes through this rigmarole every day.

Greengrocers

Donovan asks:

I've just moved to the heart of the East Greenwich conservation area, not to be confused with whatever ends up being the 'Heart of East Greenwich', and your blog has been tremendously useful in searching out things like dentists and the fishmonger. I know we've got the Tesco, M&S and Coop now but is there a proper greengrocer's within walking distance?
Also can you recommend a doctor's surgery?

The Phantom Replies:

Aaah, Donovan, there's the rub. I know of only two proper greengrocers within walking distance since the lovely old couple who used to run the fruit & veg stall outside the Co-op retired, and although they're both within walking distance, they are both "destinations" rather than a quick nip round the corner. Orange & Apple at Blackheath Standard, which I haven't got round to reviewing yet, but will soon, I promise, is a great old-fashioned greengrocer with friendly, knowledgeable service, and The Creaky Shed is a wonderful, very trendy, but extremely good greengrocers in Royal Hill.

East Greenwich is desperately in need of a proper greengrocers within a few minutes walk. As more people (such as your good self) move into the area, and the "Heart of East Greenwich" (whatever that will be) takes shape, perhaps someone will be inspired to be brave and start one. We can only hope...

As for doctors in your particular area, perhaps The Vanbrugh Group Practice in Vanbrugh Hill will fit the bill. I have have heard only good reports of them.

Zero Degrees

As the weather finally takes an upturn and a few rays of sunshine warm the cockles of a Greenwich heart, a young man's (and several young women's) fancy turns to...

...beer. We're quite well-served in this part of the world for microbreweries - the excellent Mean Time (another time) in Charlton and the highly entertaining Zero Degrees in Blackheath.

What could be more civilised than a brisk stroll across the heath on a sunny Sunday afternoon and sitting around a Montpelier Vale pavement with a pint of Lovely? Zero Degrees brews their own Lovely in giant copper vats that look like something out of Professor Brainstawm's lab, which you can view behind glass windows. It's all very clean and clinical (which frankly you'd want if you were going to drink the result) and I never tire of actually seeing it all happening (slowly) before my eyes.

They do various types of beer several of which are 'specials' - usually the fruit ones which I'm told can be a bit on the sickly side - but I guess it's horse for courses...

Inside it's ok - but can get a bit busy and noisy, mainly due to a combination of the giant screens which either show music vids or sport - and the sheer number of folk in there.

In the two eating areas - one with low chairs and tables, the other much more formal - they make decent pizzas and pastas which are good for group meals and outings where you don't need to discuss anything important. It's very sociable - and most of the occasions I've been there have been birthday party/work outing type things for which it's perfect. I wouldn't recommend it for a first date, unless you realised as soon as you'd said 'yes' that it was A Bad Idea. In that case it's ideal for a first date - you can eat nice food, drink nice drink and smile politely before making a quick exit. Around the bar itself there tend to be more of your traditional beer drinkers, which sometimes makes it difficult to get to the bar, but is generally worth the wait.

Many people chose the 'takeout' option where you can buy a 5 litre keg ( £ 15.50)to either take home or enjoy on the heath. These are metal and heavy, with plastic handles which although seem easy enough to transport across the heath on your lovely evening stroll, will soon start to cut into the strongest hand. Get a bus. Really.

I only realised that the Blackheath Zero Degrees wasn't the only one (I'd assumed a clever pun on it being cold beer and at the Meridian) when I looked at the website. There are also branches in Bristol and Reading. Pah.

But the beer still slips down nicely, I understand, on a lovely sunny afternoon in July...

BP Garage /M&S Simply Food

Trafalgar Road, SE10

The trio of mini supermarkets along Trafalgar is complete now that M&S Simply Food has opened at the BP garage, but I still see no real reason to abandon hope that we'll get some more proper, specialist shops to go with Theatre of Wine and The Fishmonger at some point.

M&S IS convenience food. One of the reasons they always managed to look so much better turned-out than the rest is that while Tescos and the Co-Op attempt, in the measly few square metres they have, to be all things to all shoppers, piling their shelves high with thirty different cereals, washing powders and flour-brands, M&S merely dabbles, turning over the bulk of their space to attractively-presented ready-meals, sandwiches, wraps and immaculate, individually-packaged pieces of show-fruit and vegetables.

Their aisles are well-spaced and the shape of their chillers is such that they feel open and inviting, rather than claustrophobic, and a first time, casual visitor can happily toddle around filling their baskets with nice little treats and a spot of something to bung in the microwave for tonight.

But woe betide anyone who would actually like to do any serious cookery from scratch. They do premium cuts of meat (and fish - shame on anyone who buys it, mind, when they could walk a few steps up the road and get personal, informed service from a real fishmonger for the same kind of money) and a limited selection of veg - it will do you in an emergency, but try doing it too often and you'll end up seriously short of basics - the fiddly ingredients and store-cupboard staples - and your pocket will start to whine in agony.

In their defence, M&S aren't actually TRYING to be a grocery store. They're a supermarket within a garage, and they are, to be fair, a marked improvement on what was there before. The food is superb, there's no doubt about it, and even walking up to the place, after paying for your petrol, there is a neater, smarter look about the place.

The usual piles of barbecue equipment and charcoal are just that little bit neater, the newspapers just that little bit more regimented. Even the bits that don't 'belong' to M&S - the counter and the Wild Bean Cafe which I'm afraid I couldn't bring myself to try, it brings back far too many memories of motorway services and dismal long-distance journeys, seem that little bit cleaner; the lads' mags tucked into the little bars for truckers to stand at while enjoying their beverage just that little bit less rank than on the M1


As a family treat or for the locally-based bachelor who just wants to stick a gastropub ready meal in a microwave, this little M&S is fab, and I cannot put my hand up and say I don't do it myself on a more-regular-than-I-like-to-admit basis. But as a regular buy, in my humble opinion it is all a bit over-packaged and a tad on the pricey side. There's still plenty of room for a good bakers, a proper greengrocer, a decent butcher, Andrekabu's stationery shop....

Tesco

Trafalgar Road, SE10

What can I say? It's a Tesco's - you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. This one follows much the same lines as every other store from here to Beijing, and they certainly pile those shelves high.

Trouble is, I'd say they got a bit on the greedy side, given the size available at Trafalagar Road, and put in one aisle too many. The shelves are stacked literally to the roof (I don't fancy any short people's chances at getting down some of those bottles of fizzy pop, )but there's so little room between them that traffic jams and mild irritation are inevitable, even on a short trip.

There is, as I say, plenty in there, piles of pasta, pizza, ready-meals, cereals and cans (though a pleasingly paltry amount of fish - nothing to scare our lovely new fishmonger, also very little meat - if anyone's thinking of starting a butchers...) but it really was a little too packed to the gills for me (sorry that pun wasn't intended.)

Slightly annoyingly there isn't a loose vegetable in sight. They're all packaged up into neat plastic bags with bar codes on - presumably for ease at the checkout, but not very environmentally friendly - and I ended up having to buy far more than I needed or wanted. I will be shopping for veg elsewhere now that I've done my obligatory phantasmagorical shop.

The convenience foods are what a shop this size does best and there are a lot of sandwiches, filled rolls and crisps, which will presumably make the bulk of their sales - and profits - there's a lot of cash to be had in sandwiches. The usual fillings.

The checkout is efficient. I tried out the self-service one, better than the one in Sainsburys which doesn't seem to be able to scan a single thing without telling the world there's an unexpected item in your bagging area. The Tesco one scanned everything perfectly - not a single mistake at any point.

The big question is not whether specialist shops like the Fishmonger or Theatre of Wine will be affected here. You're either the kind of person who buys their wares or you aren't - you're not suddenly going to be swayed by a bottle of £ 2.99 plonk if Threshers hasn't already got you. Ditto the small grocers with interesting vegetables displayed outside - their core market will stay too. The question is whether Iceland and the Co-Op will survive the competition.

The Co-Op , if you remember, had a bit of a spruce-up a couple of months ago in anticipation of the the new kid coming to live on the block. I can't say I was wildly impressed with the results - it's a bit brighter but the checkout system is lousy and Radio Co-Op is straight out of the bad bit of the 70s.

But Tescos has not upped the ante enough in my humble opinion to make it a straight knockout. The aisles are meanly-spaced and the place is so cluttered with bounty that it makes your head spin. just as you're trying to reach for a tin on the top shelf someone in a hurry is trying to elbow past at the same time that a bloke stocking up for his corner shop aims a trolley at your ankles(what's a shop this size doing with a trolley in the first place, I wonder?) The overall feel is too claustrophobic for me.

Sadly the Co-Op has the opposite problem - often badly (or not at all) re-stocked once shelves are empty and with a strange, scruffy, lost look about it, like that kid at school that no matter how neat and tidy he left his mum in the morning always looked like he'd been dragged through a hedge by the time he'd got to school. Both stores seem to be hankering after the fancy goods market, with fripperies such as whoopee cushions and cheap kiddie toys cluttering the place up, instead of just providing some really good food. And Iceland - well, Iceland always seems to have a "just about to close down" feel to it.

Tescos is ok, for a Tescos. Er, that's it.

I'm sad to report, Supermarket Nirvana has not been reached in Trafalgar Road. Yet. We will have to see what the M&S at the BP garage turns up in the Clash of the Retail Titans to find out if they hit the mark any more squarely. In the meanwhile my fave place for groceries remains La Salumeria - enjoy it while you can...

Royal Teas

Royal Hill, SE10

Every so often I get myself a bit confused. There comes a place that is so "obvious" for review that I actually assume that I've already written about it. It comes as a bit of a shock when someone points out that I haven't. I have no idea how Royal Teas slipped through the net, but there you go. I thought I'd already 'covered' it. There are others which will come up and bite me on the backside, I am sure...

It's a Greenwich institution, of course. Royal Teas seems to have been around for ever - must be twenty years at least. It's ostensibly a vegetarian cafe, though there is the odd dish which includes salmon - it's good to see that they're not too evangelical about it. It's a tiny place, which can get a bit full, especially when there are a lot of pushchairs parked in there, and I have found that timing is everything - trying to second-guess busy periods is an skill which can be acquired with practice.

The front room of what was clearly once a cottage has mix & match tables and chairs, shared with a splendid piece of metal furniture with large drawers for various types of coffee bean and tea, which you can either drink on the premises or take home a bag of to enjoy later. I have no idea what the piece of apparatus in the window is - some kind of coffee-making equipment, I presume, but it's rather beautiful in itself and is purely decorative these days.

The back room has more tables and the counter, leading out to the back where they make all those great snacks and meals, and, of course, their famed cakes. The decor has a slightly 'updated hippy' feel - orange and purple, which is both cosy and welcoming.

I'll warn you now. it will be difficult to finish anything you get served here. The portions are satisfyingly huge. I don't know if they do doggy bags; one day I think it will be worth an ask as it is the sort of thing they might encourage. Among their breakfasts (served all day) is a monster American version which is frighteningly large - but so tasty you find yourself eating far more than you intended. The baguettes are shoved full of so much filling that it's most inelegant to try to eat (though I have a minor gripe with one I had the other day in that I had vast amounts of cheese and salad, but the effect was rather dry - I could have had less cheese and replaced it with a little butter to bind it all together.) I've never had the cream tea, but I've watched other people tucking in and I will get round to it one day, judging from the looks on their faces it will be well worth the wait.

The cakes are fabulous. I don't really need to go into too much detail as I'm sure I'm preaching to the converted. My favourite is the lemon, but more research is needed to be absolutely sure.

To anyone who doesn't know, the slightly odd "fairy tale" in the window refers to a long-running dispute with Greenwich Council. After many years of R.T's existence, the council suddenly discovered the place and, at first, heaped praise and help on its owners, offering them grants and all kind of plaudits. It was only later that the council changed its tune. The place didn't have a proper licence, it argued, and the men in grey tried to shut it down. Royal Teas itself is fighting back, aided by devoted local residents (though the most local - the person upstairs, I'm told, moans about the disruption. How does this happen, I wonder? Someone moves in above a cafe, then complains that they live above a cafe? Maybe I've missed something here...)

The dispute with the council rumbles on. In the meanwhile, Royal Teas continues as normal, its friendly, cheery staff coping as best they can with the question mark above their heads. Visit them while you can (though, as a dedicated 'good loo' aficionado I must warn you - don't make a pilgrimage for the restroom facilities - there is a certain charm about it and it's perfectly clean but it's hardly a 'destination loo') and let them know that this is the kind of thing we need to encourage more, not less of, in Greenwich.

http://www.royalteascafe.co.uk/

Point Zero

Polish Cafe/Deli

Trafalgar Rd, SE10

I've been watching the progress of this place through darkened windows ever since the ridiculously-named "Yew Wood Knot Believe It" closed. At first I feared that it had merely been done up for the living accommodation above it, leaving the shop below to rot- and frankly I suspect it had been - there's now a rather awkwardly-shaped entrance to the shop below as yet another minuscule flatlet has been created upstairs. But unlike others further along in Woolwich Road which have received the same treatment but are left all dressed up and nowhere to go, whitewashed windows the furthest you can see in, luckily someone decided to show a little faith and move in.

I guess I should admit right now that I don't think this particular cafe is aimed at the likes of me. It is very much a Local Polish Shop for Local Polish People. And good for them. It's nicely done on the whole and of course I don't mind if a shop's not really for me if it's a credit to the neighbourhood.

And it's really not bad to look at. They've obviously spent money on it - little recesses in the front with long mirrors, a curved glass counter with a large selection of Polish sausages, meats, cheeses and other cold goods, and, at the back, a series of arched wooden shelves groaning with imported Polish tins, jars and packet goods. They seem almost stereotypical to me - lots of pickles, sausages and root vegetable soups in the main, though there are some interesting-looking blancmanges and other dishes. I suspect this selection very much represents 'comfort food' for people far away from home - and, were I living in Poland, I would be delighted at a reciprocal store there.

The rest is fashionably plainly decorated - the omnipresent laminate floors, slung ceiling with inset lighting and white-painted walls, but it's well done and suits the three simple round tables at the front with their wiggly blue glass vases filled with sprigs of spring flowers. The floor and window sill are filled with Polish fashion magazines (and one or two token English-language ones so the rest of us don't feel too left out...)

Somewhat randomly along one wall lies a fridge of sundry cold drinks, and at the back there's another with some interesting-looking cream cakes. As I walked in I was greeted by The Carpenters, a nice retro throwback - until I realised they were on the radio, which, one I realised it was a random choice, somehow didn't seem quite so cool.

The staff seemed a little distant - but not unpleasant. Perhaps it was a language thing. They got my coffee order wrong, but changed it immediately with no fuss. I always think that getting something wrong happens to us all from time to time - it's the way that people deal with mistakes that makes the difference.

I confess the coffee itself was a bit on the strong side for me, already suffering from The Mother Of All Hangovers. This brain-splitting brew was so thick that I could almost physically feel it travelling upwards to sear through my head as yet another punishment for the previous night's indiscretions. I think even on a good day this would have been a bit dark for me, though as a cup of coffee to look at it was a thing of beauty - thick brown-white crema, almost entirely obscuring dark, dark coffee below. A medium cup cost £ 1.75

I'm glad Point Zero has opened. It looks good, sells interesting things and, I suspect, will stylishly fill a gap in the market for people a long way from home. But I don't think it's going to replace the Trafalgar Cafe in my own affections just yet...

See tomorrow for the other new caff along Trafalgar Road...

M&S

Blackheath Standard

We've all been waiting for it - and today at 10.00am, Old Dover Road was the fullest I have ever seen as throngs of nosy people like me queued to get in to have a first peek. The local law enforcement services were also out in their droves in case there were any brawls between overexcited old girls with shopping trolleys driven crazy on M&S champagne.

As was to be expected, there was rather more hoo-ha than when the Co-op reopened last week. The celebrations involved PR girls handing out fizzy and tying balloons onto kiddies' prams. They also had hi-tech raffle tickets to win M&S vouchers if you could battle your way to the back of the store to get it checked on an ultra-violet reader. A boom-box blasted out Magic Moments and people milled around doggedly pushing giant shopping carts in a most antisocial fashion.

I naturally wanted to explore every corner of the new store, but had already made the decision not to buy anything today. Part of it was, of course, the vast queues at the checkouts (I don't think they would be a problem on any other day - they seem to have enough) but most of it was that today, of all days, it was important to visit the other shops at the Standard who have been supplying us through thick and thin (mostly thin recently.)

When it boils down to basics, this is a Marks & Spencer store. If you've seen one, frankly, you've seen them all. It's very nice indeed, with dinky boxes of dinky food at rather less dinky prices. The quality is high, and the presentation modern and fresh. It still feels a bit - well - dark inside - a problem of the building as much as anything, but the food is well displayed and appealing. I have always felt I could spend a small fortune on M&S food. There is a small bakery at the back (though don't forget Hirst &Sons) and the usual excellent ready meals.

I am pleased to see a very basic selection of M&S clothes. There is a paucity of clothing stores at the Standard (unless you're into the charity shop look) and the pants, socks, jeans and woollies are a welcome addition. There are also various toiletry items and basic homeware.

The car park is back in action - though do remember that if you stay longer than an hour it will cost you.

I squeezed out through the throngs of customers queueing round the store and visited the other shops which were, understandably, empty. GG Sparkes, Apple and Orange, Pegga Stores. NOW is the time to visit these guys, while we still have them.

Although M&S is going to be pricier than the old Somerfields I'm really hoping that this new store will begin to turn the quality of the Standard around. We have some fine specialist shops there already; hopefully they will enhanced by M&S supplying the rest of our needs and we may even get some lovely new ones. Laziness mustn't be allowed to sneak in - remember, kids - if we don't play with our toys they'll be taken away...

Supermarkets

Pablo asks:

From previous posts I have deduced the following:1) The Co-op has been refurbished and will continue totrade2) A new Tesco supermarket is soon to appear3) There is a Somerfield in the areaPlease excuse my ignorance (I am very new to the area)however I have the following questions:1) Where will the new Tesco be and what is thetimeline for this?2) Where is the Somerfield? Is this due for closure orwill it continue to do business?

The new Tesco will be along Trafalgar Road, a few metres closer into Greenwich than the Co-op. I have no idea how long this is going to take - but since they haven't actually finished the foundations yet I wouldn't hold my breath just yet.

Somerfield is in Greenwich High Road in that dodgy little set-back row of shops. It's a dismal, scruffy experience.

A new M&S opens at Blackheath Standard today.

Co-op Update

I've just realised what it is that depresses me so much about it. It's nothing to do with what it looks like.

It's that dreadful 1970s throwback Radio Co-op relentlessly telling me about all the bargains instore as I trudge round.

Three Things I Bet You Didn't Know The Co-op Sold:

• Five kinds of babies' dummies (in two different places)
• Fridge freshener
• Pectin (in case you don't know it's an enzyme used in jam-making...)

Mr Humbug update

Matthew asks:

"What are the opening hours of Mr Humbug?"

An important question indeed.

You can indulge your sweet tooth every day except Monday, Matthew. On Saturdays and Sundays he's open from 10.00am, Tuesday to Friday from 11.00am

He's one of those delightfully organic small shopkeepers who officially closes at 5.30pm but if he's still busy (usually at the weekend) he'll stay open til 6.00pm.

Be careful though. This guy has the gift of the gab. Before you know it you'll be the size of a train.

The Co-Op

Trafalgar Rd

I am proud of the Co-op - the little 'ave a go Joe that fancies its chances enough to meet the Tesco Goliath head-on in the Battle of Trafalgar Road.

It's stolen one March (fnarr fnarr) in that it's managed to close, refurb and re-open in a matter of a couple of weeks while the lumbering retail monolith still thrashes around removing original Edwardian shop fittings and digging foundations down to Australia.

Which is why I am truly sad to report that that's just about the only thing that the Co-op has managed to do.

As you approach, it's naturally the shop front that strikes first. What is it that makes supermarkets install giant plate glass windows then cover them in sticky-back plastic with close-up pictures of cabbages glistening with 'morning dew?' It's not just the Co-op that does it - they all do - but don't they realise that punters might actually prefer to have a couple fewer choices of penny wafer brands in return for a few rays of natural sunlight?

I am not going to say anything about the shop signs save that I'm assuming they're temporary.

I have to admit that the Co-op is better now than it was. Tragically that's not really saying much. My overall memory of the old store is a tatty display of cheap women's mags falling out of the shelves as you walked in, followed by half-empty tatty displays of sad-looking veg and baskets of 2-for-1 bakewell tarts with orange stickers. Later on there was a tatty, half-empty display of yogurts with orange stickers and more bargain bins. When you'd finally made your choice, you'd either queue up at one of two tills which might or might not be open or stand in line at the cig counter.

As I walked in yesterday, the display of cheap women's mags had expanded to a few more titles and was in shelves that looked like they might keep them a bit neater. The veg seemed slightly more various, but was already running out and looking hap-hazard. As I moved further into the store the fridges were new - but once again the products looked thin on the ground. The one thing they do seem to have bought in bulk are the ubiquitous orange stickers.

The tatty bargain bins remain. The gloomy lighting remains. And, even though they had the opportunity to change it, the ridiculous checkout system remains. They've admitted that the stand-alone checkout counters were never open and done away with them, but all they've replaced it with are several people at a long counter-like till with individual queues, rather than one queue feeding into all. It was only about 9.30 and people were already grumpy, complaining that 'their' queue was moving more slowly than anyone else's.

Really - M&S manage to make these places look cool. The Co-op looks not much different to before. What staggers me is that they've obviously spent money on this - but have failed to do basic things like working out the queuing system. The not-very-encouraging counter to this is that Tescos probably won't look much better.

I'm sad. I like the Co-op's principles and would always prefer it to the might of the Tesco Titan. It's made a few small forays - I liked the little display of essential DIY bits and bobs, for example, but though I might be wrong I seriously doubt the ability of this refit to stand up to the might of the Tesco Juggernaut.

Greenlands Health Foods

The Covered Market

What a revelation. I had always walked past this place, dismissing it as a bit of a hippy honeypot for the Ethnic Hat Brigade only. The mere fact that it was almost impossible to pass by outside for the amount of dodgy-looking healthy stuff piled up on racks was enough to put me off.

But in the pursuit of finding out everything there is to know about Greenwich I stepped inside, presumably looking every inch like some green-skinned alien walking into uncharted territory. I instantly began to eat my diseased opinionated words. Sorry folks. I will never be so prejudiced again. Til next time, of course...

This shop is incredible. It sells every health food known to humankind, a cure for pretty much every ailment (if you're into herbal remedies) and some splendid extras too - all in a boutique the size of my living room, which believe me, is not big.

The shelves climb all the way to the ceiling and are packed so tightly with goods of every healthy description that you fear to take something out unless the whole lot caves in on you. There are bags of grains you've never heard of, packets of seeds, boxes of curious foodie-type objects, tubs of sundry vitamins and supplements by the hundredweight - as well as all the usual stuff you'd expect. The central shelf stack is equally well-stocked and there are fridges for fresh stuff along the side. No wonder they have to spill out onto the pavement.

Beauty Without Cruelty. My goodness me. I used to buy that stuff in the 80s. Whatever happened to them? Well - now I know - they are alive and well, and being sold in Greenwich.

I am not totally sold on the efficacy of every health product ever known to man, but if you fancy a dabble, this is a fantastic place to dip a toe into the world of complimentary therapy. The people behind the counter (and full marks to them for actually physically fitting into such a tiny space) are friendly and helpful.

I emerged some time afterwards with a bulging bag of interesting stuff. Being the Greenwich Phantom is occasionally an expensive indulgence...

BTW Linseed is revolting. But just to show I don't hold this against them personally, I have chosen Greenlands as one of The Phantom's Favourite Haunts

Hirst & Sons, Bakers

Royal Standard

This shop is worth visiting if only for the lovely ceramic tiles on the walls. I might be wrong of course, but these feel like they've been there since the shop was built - and that's just the sort of thing I love (we have sadly just lost a similarly pretty shop along Trafalgar Rd, where the new Tescos will be) The walls are set off nicely by the old-fashioned curvy glass counters and the more modern wooden signs abover the bread.

If I'm honest, the bread isn't much to write home about. Baked at the sister shop in Lewisham, the bog-standard breads and commercial-quality cakes could be found in any similar bakers - but Hirst have several things in their favour - they're a small company, local and they're not Greggs. There is some character left here and the service is generally friendly and efficient - as long as you don't accidentally turn up behind a bunch of builders who've come in for a bulk order of egg rolls at the sandwich counter.

They seem to be doing ok at the moment, given the depressed state of the Standard. I hope they survive - they provide a valuable service - even if their bread is nothing out of the ordinary.

Daisy Cakes Bakes Shop

Deep down dark little Turnpin Lane, leading into Greenwich Market, which I will talk about in depth on another occasion,lies a dinky little pastel-pretty shop called Daisy Cakes Bake Shop.

It's tiny - so it's more the public face of a bespoke cake making service, but it does sell the odd gorgeous cupcake and cakey-slice as well as sugar roses for your own creations and a limited selection of decorating equipment. Cute Cath Kidston-esque cake stands and examples of the kind of cake that you can order for your special occasion line the window, as well as little sugar figures of brides and groomse - either standing or sitting with their legs hanging off the side of the top tier of your wedding cake. All in all, it's very pink indeed.

According to the website they bake everything on the premises. All I can say is that that shop must be like the Tardis out the back - or perhaps they're employing Ooompa-Loompas. They try to source locally, organically and ethically which is never a bad thing.

Don't expect this all to come in cheap - but you're paying for a unique service here, so it seems that you're paying for quality and individuality. I have never eaten a Daisy-baked cake - I would appreciate any comments from people who have.

www.daisycakesbakeshop.com

Mr Humbug

The Covered Market

Hooray for a good old fashioned sweet shop that sells childhood goodies out of jars that line the shelves and windows of this diddy little sweet shop. I always felt that Greenwich needed one of these - I even considered staring one myself, but I don't have the temperament or patience to deal with real live people on a daily basis, so I'm absolutely delighted that someone else has had the guts to do it.

I guess, being a kitsch-oholic, I would have made my version a little more cutesy old fashioned and gone for the full nostalgic experience similar to the delightful little sweetshop in Lincoln which makes you feel like you've stepped back in time. But I'm very happy to look past the modern downlighters and trendy fittings to the jars themselves and spend a cheery Saturday morning (yes, all of it ...) choosing what to spend my pennies on. Clearly others do exactly the same thing - the queues in here on a weekend are frightening, with the owners showing a hell of a lot more patience with small children's indecisions than I would. Mr Humbug is just one of the many reasons I love Greenwich and for that I have made it one of The Phantom's Favourite Haunts.

www.mrhumbug.com