Caravan Club

This, claims VisitLondon, is the world's smallest pop-up hotel (as opposed to the world's smallest hotel, which, astonishingly, is not in London, but the Bavarian town of Amberg).

Here you can see it in all its airstreamy glory at Covent Garden, on its tour around the capital; its frankly superfluous excuse being to remind tourists that you're never more than a five minute walk from 20 top London attractions.

I am assuming that they don't mean this literally (in my case the 20 top attractions include Morley's Chicken, several dead stores, King William IV pub, KFC, two charity shops, Tescos and the Yummy Yummy Chinese takeaway) - or that they don't count Greenwich as London (right 'n all) but nevertheless, it IS coming to our neck of the woods and YOU have the opportunity to win a night's stay in all its shiny luxury.

Just imagine getting out of your swanky double bed, gliding straight into the en-suite shower whilst watching your flat screen TV and listening to groovy sounds on the stereo, before stepping into the morning glory of the Old Royal Naval College...

And why not, I guess? Who ever actually stays as a hotel guest in their own town?

Not for me this one - caravans give me the willies - but if you fancy being a tourist in your own town on the 19th March, register here, before March 7th...

Three Random Events I Like The Look Of

Apologies for the lack of updates on Parish News. When I look at the superb job that IanVisits does, I blush, but hey - things are ridiculously busy chez Phantom just now. I'll try to do better in future. I'll update the section with other things I'm not previewing here but still like the sound of later today.

In the meanwhile, three things that have caught my eye, coming up in the next week or so...

First is a slightly bizarre but rather intriguing celebration of East Greenwich Library's 105 birthday on 22nd February. Trying to find out any concrete detail about the event has proved impossible; it would seem they will be 'going with the flow' on the evening, but we're promised music, singers, poetry and readings. I rather like the idea of something that's not organised to the hilt; we're so used to everything being prescribed down to the last second, though it's hard to know exactly what will happen - or, indeed, when it all begins. I'm guessing evening, and since no prices have been mentioned, I'd say it's probably free.

Staying with odd, but a little more structured, a one-night-only performance of A Midsummer Night's Dream - at Up The Creek, of all places. There's a cast of 17 professionals, and the reason it's on at a comedy club is that the mechanicals are all stand up comics who play the venue on a regular basis. If you fancy a ticket, get your skates on - they may only be a tenner, but there's only a ton of them available. Call 0208 858 4581 for tickets. If you miss out this time, the show will be going on national tour - the closest it will play to Greenwich will be the Orchard Theatre in Dartford on the 22nd March.

Finally, Scared of Chives has been telling me about a regular night upstairs at the Mitre. I've been a little edgy about open mic nights ever since my best pal became a stand up comic. I never had an issue watching my mate perform, even in the early days, but some of the other acts were just painful, apologising for their very existence with their whole bodies - and sometimes their acts, too - as they stood lost onstage. Whatever they were feeling it was far worse for the audience.

But this isn't a comedy open mic night, it's music (largely). The One World Club is a " free music club and 'open mic' night" where anyone can get up and perform (you have to turn up before the 7.30 start to book a slot first - check the website for more details) but the very fact that you need to be able to play an instrument or sing reasonably well will probably weed out the really embarrassing stuff. Besides, SoC seems to think the standard's pretty high.

Not that it isn't a lottery as to what might be on any particular night. They've had (among other things) folk singing, poetry, reggae, Indian dancing, jazz guitar, indie, classical, opera and world music, so as long as your tastes are catholic, you should have a good evening. It's free to get in, SoC tells me it's getting busy these days, so arrive early to ensure a seat.

I shall get along as soon as I can to review it (with my luck it will turn out to be a stand-up comics first-timers' special) but in the meanwhile, if the first sniffings of spring this morning after yesteday's vile weather is sending you stir-crazy, check out one of these.

More Stuff To Do on the Parish News later today. Promise.

Molly Dancing

Today is Plough Monday. No - I didn't know, either. It's traditionally a way of blowing off steam for bored ploughboys, stuck in the depths of ennui (I doubt they actually called it that) in the dull period between the jollities of Christmas and the time when they could start ploughing.

It was effectively an unholy blend of Morris Dancing and Trick-or-Treat, where burly lads would go around the town offering to dance for money. Anyone who refused had nasty tricks played on them - including having interesting furrows ploughed across their lawns. Of course, the young rascals were demanding money with menaces from the very people they were reliant on giving them employment as soon as the ground defrosted, so they didn't want to be recognised. They disguised themselves with soot and wore coloured scarves and jolly hats.

Like Morris Dance, they were originally all men, though instead of an Obby Oss or that bloke with the ribbons and hat, they had a Molly - a guy dressed up as a woman (and thus taking us straight back to panto - as usual everything's connected). Although clearly they have nothing directly to do with the Molly Houses (gay brothels) of 18th century London, I'm sure the cross-dressing element in the name can't be a coincidence.

The last 'classic-period' Molly Dance, was, according to Wikipedia, which knows everything, in Little Downham, Cambridgeshire, in 1933, and, in all truth, it's mainly an East Anglian/Essex tradition.

So what's it doing in Greenwich tonight? Well, Fowlers Molly Dancers can't think 0f a good reason for Greenwich NOT to have a nice dose of Mollying on a miserable, snowy, Monday in January. I mean - let's face it - no one's going to be able to plough anything round here at the moment...

The Fowler Mollys are both male and female, but there's still a healthy amount of cross-dressing involved, according to Sarah, who's part of the team. Apparently they have a beautiful bearded lady called Margaret. She admits "we're fairly guerilla-style" so they don't have a website (though I did find this fascinating site about the Jack in the Green, which mentions them) "we just pop up in December and January and then go to ground again."

The video at the top of the post is the Fowlers Mollys (named after an early 20th Century troop) dancing outside the John Evelyn in Deptford a couple of years ago, but if you fancy seeing a little piece of English tradition reinterpreted, they will be doing the classic Plough Monday tour of local hostelries tonight between several West Greenwich pubs.

They start from the Ashburnham Arms, where they'll dance at 8pm and finish at the Richard I (the Tolly), in Royal Hill at 9.30pm. There will be a pub in the middle in the 8.45pm slot. Traditionally, this is usually the Prince Albert just up the road from the Tolly, but the pub is in the process of changing hands and Sarah wasn't sure of the exact arrangments when we were talking last week.

So - How Was it For You?

I wasn't planning to write this week, but since I've been forced to sort out a horrible mess (thanks to spammers who hijacked the blog and put long lists of their sordid wares at the end of a good forty posts, pleasing me not one jot) I thought I'd ask you how you think Greenwich did in the last year.
I guess we've had some good and bad things. For me, much of Greenwich has seemed in limbo in 2009 while everything's cranked up for The Year Everything Will Be Wonderful, which, apparently, is 2012.

This has seen building sites agogo, dead shops, broken ships, swathes of the ORNC closed, the pier a total mess, poor old King Billy rudely disturbed in his quiet not-quite-ex churchyard and the death of the Village Market.

We lost Beehive Cafe too - one of the best reasons to hang around in Greenwich - and though you can still get London Coffee Roasters coffee in Nevada Street Deli if you can find somewhere to sit, I miss the jolly Antipodeans who served me in the place that had nowhere to sit. Less mourned was The Old Friends, though several of us will be sad to see the building itself go. I never loved the pub, but had always hoped that someone would do the late-Victorian building up and make a go of it.

And in some of the saddest news of all, we lost two cyclists and gained two ghost bikes this year, one of them just a couple of weeks ago.

But we've had good stuff too. I mean - c'mon - tell me that snow in February wasn't brilliant (and so much more fun than the slippy icy stuff we got just before Christmas.) The horrid plans for Greenwich Market were scuppered by a council who finally found some gumption. The Dwarf Orchard showed signs of being kissed by a handsome prince and turning into a beautiful secret garden (doncha just love mixed fairytale metaphors...)and David Herbert in Creek Road got his house back at last.

The Climate Camp came - and went - just a few hours after they left you'd never have known they were ever there at all. Sadly, I suspect we'll have the same net result from Copenhagen.

Even shorter-lived was the East Greenwich Pleasaunce Farmers Market. Best we can hope for there, I suspect, is a compromise Halstow Road school playground. Which wouldn't be so bad, at that...

Comings and goings continue around the peninsula. The last really big industrial plant, Syrol, closed, with the loss of local jobs and the gain of some fresh air, but a little further up the way, Meantime Brewery was preparing to move its works rather closer to the Meridian - with the gain of local jobs and the loss of fresh air (unless, like me, you rather like the smell of hops, in which case you're in luck...)

So - a mixed year at best for Greenwich. What were your best and worst bits of living here in 2009?

Mind How You Go

Blimey. I've just got back from a slip-slidin' trip across the park, where the snow is melting but there's still just about enough for a few brave souls with tea trays to try tobogganing down the slopes.

The paths down the bottom aren't too bad but up at the top it's all compacted ice and really slippery. I didn't go a pearler but it was only because I walked flat-footed and very slowly, whilst being cackled-at by a whole tree-full of ring-necked parrots. They'll be laughing the other side of their beaks next month when anyone will be allowed to shoot them (though the question will be, of course, with what? Spud guns? Pea-shooters? As far as I know real guns are still illegal, even in South East London...)

A load of the pavements, too, are really icy - some on main roads.

I notice it's all turned to rain now - particularly yucky - but tonight they're promising sub-zero temperatures again tonight - so I'm guessing we'll have a lovely black-ice alert tomorrow.

Take care, guys...

Trafalgar Square - Eat Yer Heart Out

This one's all a bit last-minute; if it's been planned for much longer than a week I certainly haven't known about it. But hey - it's all over the place now, and, despite the council having chosen what is probably the least convenient time to have a consultation, it might be a wise idea to hove your way down to Devonport House at some point this weekend (between 19th and 21st December) to see all five possible options (six if there;s a 'do nothing' button) for the pedestrianisation of Greenwich town centre.

Now - I have to say that in principle I have no objection to this. In fact I rather like it. I'm guessing that few Greenwichians would object to the idea - and it would do the place no harm at all for encouraging tourists. It's the guys from outside the area who use us as a rat-run between further into town and the Blackwall Tunnel that will be getting hot under the collar - but there are levels of pedestrianisation and it would do us all good to decide exactly how far we'd want to go with it.

The options range from just cutting off College Approach and making Nelson Road two-way (easiest but a potential log-jam) all the way through to a giant one-way system just outside the centre (elegant but making you go a long way round - which might not be so bad at that), with various permutations along the way.

Those of you in the Greenwich Society will have received a letter about this - it's been forwarded to me several times (thanks, guys) but it's all a bit complex to explain here.

There's only a small window of discussion here as the council want the new system in for (surprise, surprise) the Olympics, hence the awkward date of the consultation. Do try to get along if you can...

Christmas Fair

O2 - to Jan 3rd 2010

I've been meaning to get to this ever since I heard about it, but I confess I'd been a bit put off by the lacklustre-looking bunch of decorated garden sheds which is all you can see from the tube. It doesn't look very festive from there and I'd assumed that was all there was.

Nevertheless I am a Phantom of Adventure, and it is a Winter of Wonderland; it had to be done, even if ten minutes seemed a rather long time to allow for wandering round a few huts.

In order to make the trip last longer, we walked there a very long way round via the Thames Path - there's a new consortium shoving flats up at a rate of knots on the east side of the peninsula - I'm sure it wasn't there last time I was - which was, I guess, around October - now they're about four storeys high and the cycle path's boarded off (always first to go, eh, cycle paths...)

By the time we got to the Dome, we were bloomin' freezing so we thought we'd walk around inside to warm up before tackling the half-dozen or so stalls. We thought that there might be a bit of extra funfair in the bit where they sometimes have ice rinks or beaches.

Darn tootin'. Once we got past the very dull eateries that populate 'Entertainment Avenue', it all suddenly livened up. That particular area was the 'white nuckle' (sic) zone with some truly vomit-inducing-looking rides, as well as the usual teacups and merry go rounds.

But the main event was to come - in the area that's normally totally empty, even further round - beyond where the museum is. The fair proper. And yes - it is tremendously tacky - but isn't that what fairgrounds are supposed to be?

The rides are festive-themed, which helps it to not seem quite as ho-hum as the one you get up on Blackheath (Maybe that makes it Ho Ho Ho -Hum...)

As well as the usual Gluhwein stalls and stands selling fried stuff, baked stuff or sickly-sweet stuff (what does make German chips different from any other kind?) there were jolly Santa-themed rides, one of those glass mazes for children, an animal ride and a splendidly Christmassy-on-the-outside-tatty-on-the-inside ghost train which actually did, despite its tawdry props, get a decent two screams out of us (mainly because I'd forgotten my Amelie.)

Being a Sunday lunchtime, it was less atmospheric than it could have been. It was quiet - very quiet, considering how big the place is and how close it is to Christmas now. The rides would be best viewed by night - when I think it would come into its own.

Nevertheless, if you've got small people (or easily-pleased Phantoms) to entertain, there is more here than it looks like from the 'snow-covered' sheds outside (which are as dull as they look.) What's interesting is that despite this being a decent-sized fair, it still doesn't fill the vast empty space round the back of the Dome, which just goes to show how big it is.

A single ride is pricey - £4 for an adult - but at twenty quid for as many as you like (£17.50 for kids) you could probably spend a couple of hours tootling round the rides, drinking hot, sticky alcohol and munching pretzels...

Pleasaunt Moments - And An Odd Proposal

Back on Saturday I was worrying whether or not the Friends of East Greenwich Pleasuance would be holding their annual carol shindig this year after the indifferent weather of past occasions.

I'm delighted to say they ARE doing the whole festive thing - and it looks bigger than ever, with performances from the Halstow Community Choir (of which I've never heard before...) leading a singalong and the splendid Los Dawsons (I was hoping to nick a nice piece of footage from MySpace to show those of you who aren't converted yet but the account's suspended - you'll just have to live with pics of them at their blog ) playing festive bluesy stuff.

There will be the usual mulled wine and mince pies, and Father Christmas arrives at 2.15pm.

I'm sure much of the afternoon's conversation will revolve around a rather odd proposal which is being put forward as part of the Olympic Legacy funding - installing an 'outdoor gym' in the Pleasaunce - at the cost of fifty grand.

The Friends are a bit surprised at this generous but unsought proposal (they hadn't heard anything about it) and they're soliciting for reactions, wondering whether money like this couldn't be spent a bit more usefully elsewhere (though they accept that the cash will have to go on something sport/fitness related) like upgrading the Bothy/One O'Clock Club or play equipment (though of course they are very kiddie-oriented places and not going to get wobbly adult Phantoms into shape...)

I confess I'm a bit nonplussed about it - in some ways it's good - having money spent on a park seems like a good thing - but in other ways I worry - only a few weeks ago there was concern that putting a temporary farmers market there might somehow be 'disrespectful' - this would mean removing more green grass for hard standing to take specially tough gym equipment - which I have to say isn't wildly attractive .

I don't really buy the argument that people would be embarrassed to use such kit in public - people who are that shy probably wouldn't make it to a regular gym anyway, and nor do I think that it would "attract noisy kids into the park at night after the gates are shut" - surely the answer there is in the statement - the gates are shut - I can't see yobbos making all that effort to get in just to play on the fitness equipment.

I'm not going to march to the barricades over this - I'm not sure I care too much but I do think it needs a bit of talking about, and the worry about using up yet more green space for general 'stuff' is, IMHO, valid.

What do you think the cash should be spent on (given it has to go for sporty things)?

Ho Ho Ho

Rachel asks:

"I'm wondering if you or any of your readers could recommend a good place in or near Greenwich where I could take my wee daughter to see Santa and have a picture taken. Ideally I'd love to not have to queue for hours on end. Any help with this would be great."

The Phantom replies:

I'm glad you asked me that, Rachel, as it gives me an excuse to use another of Rich's jolly images, this one very festive indeed.

The obvious place to go is the grotto that's part of the market celebrations. The grand switch-on of the lights is next Friday, 27th November - with the Mayor and the cast of the always-fantastic Greenwich Panto (if your daughter's old enough, I thoroughly recommend it.)

According to the website, the festivities begin at 3.00pm when the lantern parade weaves its way through the market, making the lights switch on - Good Lord - as if by magic! Father Christmas must be sprinkling extra magic Oofle Dust. Between 12.30 and 7.30pm kiddies can visit Santa in his grotto while the adults drink mulled wine and eat mince pies.

To be honest, if I remember from last year, it was a bit of a bunfight (or should I say pudding fight) to get into the grotto on the day of the switch on itself so you might prefer to take your daughter to enjoy the general fun of the event, and visit His Hollyness separately another day. He'll be receiving young visitors on the weekends of the 5th and 6th, 12th and 13th and 19th and 20th December between 11.30am and 5.30pm.

Other places I know Santa turns up for include the Westcombe Society's Dickensian Fair - you'll have to get your skates on though - it's today, at Blackheath High School in Vanbrugh Park between 11:30am to 4:00pm (I vaguely remember that they provide a Rent-a-Santa service where he does special home-visits in the last week before the Big Day - the gen will be in next month's Westcombe News - if, like me, you don't get it delivered, you'll be able to find it online here (there's a small item about it in this month's edition, in the ad about the fair.)

Another event to look out is the Friends of East Greenwich Pleasaunce, who for the last few years have had a Christmas event with Father Christmas bowling up to his grotto in the park in ever-more exotic modes of transport. I've looked on their website but can't see any sign of one being planned this year. They've had some rotten luck with weather in the past; maybe they're hedging their bets and waiting for the last possible moment.

I confess I don't know of any more places he'll be turning up this year - but it's entirely possible someone else does.

Tornado

While everyone else was headed for the heath on Saturday night, Vicky was steaming off in the opposite direction. She'd heard that the Tornado steam train was coming through, and wanted to sit on a fence and wave a hanky as it passed...

The Tornado is the recently-finished built-from-scratch A1 Pacific Steam Locomotive. I remember the hoo-ha around its completion, thinking what a wonderfully romantic, typically British thing it was to do, but didn't take a huge amount of 'local' notice of it as it was built, I believe, in York, and I assumed that it wouldn't make it to anywhere round here.

This, apparently, was exactly the assumption that the station staff and transport police at Blackheath had either made themselves or wanted everyone else to make. When Vicky got there, they denied all knowledge of such a train coming through.

She dodged onto the platform, past all the crowds coming off the trains, and waited for the 7.15pm moment she'd heard rumour about. When it did actually come through, she was enchanted. "Brilliant," she describes it as being. "Atmospheric. Evocative of an old movie."

Being the public spirited soul she is, she even captured its fleeting moments in the station:



I looked up the schedule for the Tornado - and the next time it will be admits to being around on the Kent Circular, it isn't coming through Blackheath - but you could actually go on it. It's a special Christmas Lunch or Dinner train that takes you to Tonbridge or Maidstone (despite its title being a 'White Cliffs' dinner) on Monday 21st Dec. Tickets start at £59.

Fireworks

Was it me, was it the new fenced-off corralling system or were there just loads more people than ever up at the Fireworks last night? Not that it's a major problem - the heath can take 'em all and it was all a very good natured affair as far as I could see (save for the hatchet-faced driver hooting angrily and trying to barge through the crowds afterwards that everyone seemed to be taking great delight in ignoring, tee hee...)

I have to say that once it all got started (I still don't get why it was 15 minutes late - it's not like it was a last-minute thing) I thought it was one of the best Blackheath whizz-bang fests I've seen. And, at 20 minutes, about the right length too - half an hour might have gone on a bit. It seemed a bit tucked over to the east of the heath - happily for me, exactly where I was, so nice clear skies for me - but I did feel a bit sorry for anyone further east who must have just got a load of smoke.

They had several sorts I'd never seen before - I liked the single fireworks that exploded into hundreds of tiny little blue fairies, but my faves were the daisy/flying saucer-like starbursts that seemed to be at loads of different angles. Stevie, as you can see, was busy snapping.

Didn't make it? Here's the finale, courtesy of Michael, complete with the slightly odd little coda afterwards....

The Nags Head

Pelton Road, SE10

Egad! After 100-odd years, the Pelton Arms changes its name? Shock! Horror! I mean I know there's a new guv'nor, who's been shaking things up around there (I've been hearing very good things about the new feel, and as I passed the other day the little garden at the back looked great - I will be going, I just haven't got there yet...) but a name change!

But as that truly irritating man on the telly says, Calm down, dear...it's only a fake pub.

I'm not entirely convinced of the wisdom of creating an Only Fools And Horses spinoff about the early years of Del Boy and Co, but at least they're filming Sex & Drugs & Rock & Chips round here. Jon discovered the news on the Sun website, of all things, and I guess it could be interesting.

It's only a one-off special, and according to the website, they're hoping to get the major stars of the original back as, presumably, relatives of themselves. Maybe a litmus test of whether or not it's going to be any cop will be if Nicholas Lyndhurst and Sir David agree to appear.

Filming started on Monday (eek - hope it was indoors...) I think I'll pop down for a nosey later on...

Thames Barrier Annual Closure

Of course, I'd totally forgotten this was on yesterday until about lunchtime. They do it every year - not for the benefit of the tourists (of which there were a fair few) but to make sure all the bits are working correctly. The whole barrier's shut for an entire tide cycle, which creates a surreal 'lock' across the Thames. The giant gates, which are on a tilting system, slowly rise through the morning.

London side gets very low indeed; but the sea-side becomes like some sort of mill pond - including sleeping ducks:

About two o'clock, they turn the big swivelly bits in the tilting barriers slowly round so far that the water starts to come back - from underneath, creating a churning, gushing effect.

What amazed me was the number of seagulls who thought their Christmas and birthday had come at once. Hundreds of them swarmed around, waiting for some very surprised fish (who had already been wondering where all the water had gone) to get washed up to the top. There was also the oddest reverse-tide effect:

I'm not really sure why the Yacht Club had decided to hold their regatta a few hundred metres up the way on that particular day, but it must have made for some curious challenges...

Sorry about the pics, btw - borrowed camera that was far too posh for me. Thank heavens for the 'automatic' setting...

Antiques Roadshow

I'm not really sure why the BBC puts stuff like Antiques Roadshow on a Thursday - my only thought is that if it gets this crowded on a weekday when most people are at work, they'd probably get mobbed on a weekend. But it does account for the general demographic of the people that always seem to be on those shows and, from what I can see from Stephen's photos, the Greenwich one is no exception - a rather more 'mature' section of the community.
I confess it's never really been my cup of tea, but I would have probably gone for the whole Greenwich-spectacle of it all if it weren't for the work-day issues. But Stephen managed to get there - and I'm grateful for the pictures, especially since he got ticked off for taking them.
In the spirit of the day, he took a Clarice Cliff bowl he'd bought at a bootsale for 5p. It's a good job too - they weren't allowing anyone in who hadn't brought an object to view - the oddest 'dress code' I've ever come across...
He got there at 12.45 and there was a notice saying it was a two-hour wait to get in. He was cheered that the BBC had laid on tea and sandwiches for the queues - but turns out it wasn't Auntie - must have been the ORNC - all very unsung.
He saw a couple of experts but I'm not sure if he actually got a valuation. Are you off to the Bahamas now, Stephen? The picture below was the last before he got told to stop - not really sure why. But he tells me he was v. polite, apologised and did stop - by that time he had my pics.... ;-)

I wonder if there is a spate of local burglaries after an airing of Antiques Roadshow? I'd be curious to see police statistics...

BTW Thanks, too to Alison, who quietly snapped the interior shots here...

New Farmers Market

I have Tony, Ray and Pat to thank for this news, all of which arrived in my inbox this morning - but I am absolutely stunned that it's taken to the day before something as exciting as this for me to notice that....

...drumroll...

...we have a new Farmers' Market at EAST GREENWICH PLEASAUNCE!

It's going to start TOMORROW, Saturday 3rd Oct, and will be there every Saturday, 10.00am - 4.00pm.

Expect all the usual goodies - fruit & veg, preserves, bread, rare-breed meat and even, apparently, fresh fish...

I'm slightly worried that if I didn't know about this - and I really do keep my eyes peeled for stuff as I walk around - then lots of people might not - it might not be as well-attended as it could be and they'll think we don't care - so do try to get along if you can.

As a complete aside, I've been adding a few things to the Parish News today - can I politely remind people that if they have stuff to send me, PDFs or waffly emails are a bad thing, as I can't cut & paste them. This means that I put them to one side for dealing with 'when I have time' - which, of course, I never do. I end up forgetting about them until after the event...

The White Elephant In The Room

I've been searching iPlayer to try to find the report that Adrian Warner, the BBC London's Olympic correspondent filed last night on the 6.30pm bulletin - I'm rubbish with trying to find things on the BBC site and I can't dig it out - sorry.

What it boiled down to was that the 2012 committee had originally planned to build a £40m temporary structure on Greenwich Peninsula to house the gymnastics, boxing and something else which slips my mind, but which might be badminton (spot the sports-fan, here, folks...)

Boris Johnson said that was too expensive and announced he was going to move them to Wembley. Now the individual sports are saying "Hey - why should we move? It was supposed to be in East London - we want to stay."

They've dug their heels in and now everything's reached an impasse. And the sports have a point - a big old fuss is being made by the organisers insisting on putting the equestrian events in the park, for example, using the excuse that they want to 'keep it local.' What's sauce for the goose...

But here's the rub. Adrian Warner's report, the tenor of which is "Everything's in meltdown while the organisers desperately search for a venue" was delivered standing in front of the O2, one of Britain's most user-friendly, public-transport-accessible venues, and very notably in the east of London. One that's just lost a whole load of cash, not to mention face, over the biggest no-show of its short career (though Michael Jackson did have a good excuse...)

It was built with huge amounts of public money and sold to AEG for a song. Why the hell wasn't it requisitioned as a venue in the first place? And why the bloomin' hell aren't they considering it now? The only excuse I can think of (apart from AEG refusing to play ball - or even shuttlecock - get that sports imagery in, Phantom...) is that it's 'too big' - but I've seen the place made smaller with cunning screens, curtains and seating.

Surely the committee could offer the O2 somewhat less than forty million, giving them loads of that precious 'good publicity' that we're supposed to be getting from the games, keeping the sports happy, AEG nicely-promoted and LOCOG headache-free (on that issue at least...)

I find Warner a frustrating reporter. He seems so busy toadying up to the 2012 committee that he fails to ask obvious questions. The very fact that he did this whole piece about not being able to find a venue in front of a seemingly perfect candidate really makes me wonder what he's doing...

Grump To The Beat

Kate asks:

"Do you know anything about Run to the Beat? I had a less than clear letter as an East Greenwich Resident a couple of months ago which rang alarm bells that we might be stranded on Sunday 27th, and looking at the map on the website I think this may be true.

I'm feeling distinctly grumpy about not being able to get out - and the letter sent home was so waffley it masked that we will hemmed in again. I love marathon day, but am I the only one who feels we shouldn't have to put up with piss-poor imitations of the London Marathon? RttB's community engagement is terrible - the info for residents page on the website is "coming soon". When??? - the event is 10 days away and I seem to recall there was terrible moaning about the lack of communication last year."

The Phantom replies:

Sounds as though you're one of the residents whose leaflet, which was supposed to go through everyone's door, ended up as a deliverer's afternoon off. Apparently a fair few of them got 'posted' in the bin.

As it stands, you're not missing anything by not having the leaflet. I have dutifully kept mine, but apart from the fact that it actually exists, it's not much more helpful than last year.

Last year is indelibly printed on my mind. Chez Phantom had had weekend visitors. Lovely visitors, who I love very much. I must impress how much I love these guys. But their little bundle of joy was two years old at the time and, frankly, I was ready for them to go home. Actually, they were ready to go home too. Trouble was, they were stuck. Endless cups of tea, everything packed, bored two year old. Eek. Eventually we pounded the streets and actually found an emergency exit.

I really thought that after all the fuss last year, Run To The Beat would have made a bit more effort. But looking at this leaflet, I can't see that much has changed - save that now we KNOW we can't get out. Some areas DO have an emergency exit, albeit not marked on the map, requiring you to know the actual road numbers (btw last year was counter-intuitive - we took so long to find the exit because it required us going the 'wrong way'...)

But several 'zones,' according to the punishingly small print, are advised to park their cars on a side street outside the area the night before so they can leave by a little exit (presumably pedestrian - not much fun if you have a pram or a wheelchair.) None of the exits are marked on the very basic "local access" map.

As to the other part of your question - bands - they're listed here but I can't find any map as to where you hear them play. I know that the council (especially our very own Mary Mills) have been working hard to try to keep the bands away from sensitive spots, but frankly I don't think the bands are for the benefit of those who actually have to listen to them. Even if you want to, you'd have to burn some serious shoeleather to find them.

The resident's info page (not worth linking to) now has two 'links' - one to the map of closures, the other to a map for runners - both of which appear to be emergency cut-and-paste jobs from a different part of the website. No other information is proffered.

I actually don't have anything against the event itself. Personally, I'm happy to do a bit of living and let-living. I don't mind too much about noisy bands one day a year (well - okay two, if you count the real Marathon) on an occasional basis. I don't even mind road closures as long as there's a properly marked and flagged-up map, where people can get out if they need to.

What I do mind is that Run To The Beat just don't give a damn about where they're running or who they're inconveniencing - even after such negative responses last year.

As I say - I personally am okay about being mildly inconvenienced occasionally. It's not as good as the Marathon, but that's not really a reason to refuse it permission to happen (though the amount of disruption on the buses and the non-operation of the Woolwich Ferry is a bummer I wouldn't want happening too often...) But I do mind that the people doing the inconveniencing don't even acknowledge they are, and make no real effort address residents' concerns and prevent some possibly serious issues.

Even looking at the leaflet now, I can't quite work out how the hell I'd get out of my bit of 'zone'.

Moulin a Paroles

Change is in the air. It's been coming for some time, but I first felt it for real in the grounds of the ORNC yesterday. As I passed by the building works and the remains of the Greenwich Comedy Festival (which, from the bits I went to, was great...) a little scurry of wind eddied and swirled a whole bunch of yellowing leaves from the trees.

I'd worn a t-shirt, and was rather wishing I'd taken a woolly with me. It was that moment that I realised that Autumn is wiggling her twiggy fingers at us and that it's just going to get cooler now. That's not necessarily a bad thing - just a change. Autumn has great stuff to look forward to.

I am going to get onto that in another post, but for now, a moment of deep embarrassment for me - but that also passed-by the Great British Public (save for Seamus, who reminded a red faced Phantom about it) but is creating a Bit Of A To-Do in Canada.

Yesterday marked the 250th anniversary of the Battle of Quebec - and that means it also marks the 250th anniversary of the death of Britain's greatest military hero (until Nelson came along and rained on his parade.)

We've talked about General Wolfe before (from which, if I paid any attention to my own archives, I would have known about planned celebrations...)

There's something a bit broken on the James Wolfe Society website, so I can't tell if they actually held a ceremony at St Alfeges and a wreath-laying at the statue. I really wish I'd been on the ball - I'd have gone. Did anyone here go?

But ultimately, let's face it - most us just didn't know about it. Even the fab photo was sent to my by Stephen some time ago and I've been waiting for the perfect moment. A great British hero - more or less forgotten.

Not so in Canada. Benedict tells me that there's still a whole load of controversy surrounding the Battle of Quebec across the Atlantic. I guess it's understandable - it was, after all, a time of toughing-up the French in French-speaking Quebec.

There was a massive 24 hour read-a-thon held on the Plains of Quebec on Saturday, according to CBC attended by thousands - but boycotted by many more.

During the Moulin a Paroles 140 texts were read out, relating to the history of Canada from 1759 to the present day. Trouble is, to the disgust of federalists, a text from 1970 was also included - the manifesto of the Front de Libération du Québec - who became notorious when they kidnapped a British diplomat - the manifesto was a statement of their demands.

While the Canadian government officials boycotted the event, the opposition said the boycott was ridiculous and that it was a part of Canadian history. The sort of spat you get all over the world over small but significant changes of attitude. The organisers were a bit shocked and admitted they'd been a bit naive. "We didn't expect this kind of controversy."

Benedict, still a relative newcomer to the 'Canadian' way of life, agrees. "I am surprised a little at how sensitive this all is still," he says. "But then I guess it changed the course of history."

I'm still feeling a bit embarrassed today though. I, of all Greenwichians, should have remembered James Wolfe's big day. I hereby apologise profusely and hang my tricorn in shame.

Latest Pub Closure...

...never actually opened. I just read in Greenwich.co.uk that Pub In The Park event next weekend has been cancelled. Apparently they didn't sell enough tickets.

Coincidentally, I was only looking at the flyer this morning wondering whether to go, and, I confess I'd decided not to bother and chucked it out.

Clearly I wasn't alone. The bands looked okay, but only okay. I can get karaoke at the Ship & Billet of a Saturday night (If that's what I really, really want...) and sorry - welly-throwing and tug-o'war just didn't do it for me. Add to that that I don't drink beer (not a complete kibosh on beer-focused shindigs for me - if the event itself looks interesting I'll go anyway...) and it just didn't appeal.

It all looked a bit 'corporate,' to me. From what I recall (and I can't check this now because the site's changed and the flyer's gone) it was mainly large beer manufacturers and chains - I don't recall, for example, Meantime being involved (could be wrong on that) and besides - there had already been one beer festival this year.

I can't help feeling that the event failed because it pitched itself poorly, so that even friends who are beer drinkers, didn't really fancy it.

But maybe I'm wrong here. Did you buy tickets and if so, are you gutted? Or rather relieved that you can do something else now?

Dominoes and Drama

Still mooning around in a vacantly poorly-ish fashion, I have been cheered up by Maggie and an anonymous pal, who have sent me some pics of two of the events I was particularly gutted to miss this weekend.

First, those dominoes. I understand it was an event to mark the Olympics coming to London (what isn't these days?) which was a giant line of tumbling breeze blocks that snaked its way through the Olympic boroughs, ending up at the Old Royal Naval College on Sunday evening (no - I don't know how they crossed the river - foot tunnel?)

According to Maggie it was quite an eyeful.

"Words cannot describe the oddity of it all. It involved blocks being built up, taken down, people being bricked in, bricked out, a little nudity, some humour, no words but some wordless singing (a la Philip Glass) and a good end when the bloke who was undergoing a cruel and unusual punishment by having to stand, arms in the air, on top of a brick staircase, holding up an arch, gave a great shout and hurled it all down."

You think that's bonkers? According to my anonymous friend, The Visit, at Charlton House, a promenade production that was going on at various times on Sunday, made the domino event look positively sane. Now let's see if I can get this straight.

From what I can tell from a rather garbled account, there was a naughty prince who was being eyed up by werewolves as lunch, but he wasn't educated and didn't eat healthily enough to be tasty.

So the werewolves told him the cautionary tale of a boy who fell off the edge of the world because he couldn't read French and then put him on a reality TV show to learn how to cook and fight because heroic princes taste better.

Then he went to their den which was full of shoes and he realised they wanted to eat him and a girl from the audience saved the day.

I think you needed to be there.

I'm really fed up I didn't make these two very strange pieces of art. I'm told they were great fun. But thanks to you both for sending me pics at least...

Strike Up The Band

I've found dates for this wonderful Grade II listed octagonal Coalbrookedale Company cast iron bandstand of 1871, 1880 and 1891 - take your pick.

Whatever - it's fantastic, beautifully maintained - and still used for its original purpose. I was wandering through the park on Sunday and came across the Wantage Silver Band playing for a couple of hundred people sitting on rugs, deckchairs or just the grass, enjoying picnics and the sunshine.

The Greenwich Concert Band will be playing there on the 19th - details here. A lovely way to while away a Sunday afternoon - let's hope the weather improves...

Water Music

It's Handel's 250th Anniversary this year. Part of the Greenwich and Docklands Festival involves a son et lumiere 'Water Music.'

I thought I'd better go last night before the 'Water' part became a little too real (the weather forecast's dreadful for tonight and tomorrow) and - yes, I'm glad I went. With the odd reservation.

IMHO the lumiere bit is much better than the son. Presumably there's no funding for a straight rendition of a 250 year-old work, so a new piece was composed and played, a bit too straight-faced.

Now, I'm generally fine with avant-garde music, and this was okay - tinging and bonging, sirens and low-notes played on the tuba, pretending to be ships' horns. But it never really sounded 'fresh.' In fact, for me it only began to blossom in the rare moments when they played snatches of Handel's original.

It all felt a bit - well - 'cliched-contemporary' to me - the sort of sounds I'd expect from someone trying to re-interpret the Thames, London's history and Handel's classic without sounding uncool to his mates. There were some frankly unnecessary spoken bits, which smacked of wanting to 'appeal to the kids' by including asinine comments made by - who? I have no idea who was speaking or, indeed, why.

I positively squirmed when members of the band started humming the famous bits - it felt like taking the piss out of a distinguished old gentleman.

What I will give it is that it was beautifully played. Trinity College is one of the best in the country - and its sheer class shone through last night. These guys were professional in the extreme - especially given that that lumiere must have created some interesting conditions to play in. They played incredibly well.

Which brings me onto the lumiere - worth making the effort to go to this event for on its own. It was great fun. Mainly watery images - taps and waves, bubbles and jets, mixed in with old paintings, silhouettes and cartoons. Wonderful.

I do recommend this. As you'll have surmised, I wasn't particularly jazzed with the music - it just felt like it was trying too hard. But the event as a whole was great. I mean - anything that starts at 10.00pm and has flashing lights has that little extra excitement value for a sad Phantom like me. And it's certainly worth the entrance fee ;-)


Bring something to sit on, a woolly (however warm it is earlier) and a book to read if you're going to get there early to secure a good place. A mac might be a good idea too, tonight. Oh - and bring your camera - as virtually everyone last night seemed to have done. There will be a LOT of photos flying round the web. And I see no harm in joining them.

As I left, I could see the fireworks from the other big event, over at Millwall Dock on the Isle of Dogs. If it's not totally bogging with rain tonight...