GWlocal asks:

I’ve been living in Greenwich for almost a year now and was wondering (first with annoyance and now with curiosity) about the daily screamer…I’ll explain.

Every week morning between about 8:15 – 8.45am, one very angry/frustrated/vocal biker screams his way down Trafalgar Road (towards Greenwich). His normal rant: ..’Get out of my way you bloomin’ #@$!holes’…at the top of his voice and from the gut. 

I try my best to see who this person is but he whizzes past so quickly that I can never seem to catch him. All I know is that he has one booming voice and obviously has no love for anything four-wheeled. 

Know anything about this peculiar person?

The Phantom replies:

No – though I have certainly come across some very vocal cyclists – I particularly enjoyed the chap who came screaming along the pavement shouting for people to get out of the way and the guy who yelled at me when I stopped my car (in plenty of time) to let him cross along the bottom of the road in front me – perhaps it’s the same person.

As a cyclist myself I’ve only once even felt the need to shout  - at the Vanbrugh Hill junction when I was going straight across from Traf Road to Woolwich Road and a driver coming up behind me decided on amber that he didn’t want to stop for the next set of lights, accelerated and then turned left in front of me at high speed, nearly gaining a second ghost bike there. BTW I didn’t shout – I was too shocked.I guess there are angry road users of all varieties out there.

Perhaps the fact that this cyclist is angry every morning and is going so fast that he’s almost invisible sort of cancel each other out – we can’t see him at all. In years to come he may disappear entirely as a physical entity and folklore will tell of an invisible, foul banshee-like voice on the air at a certain time every weekday morning.

Just pause for a moment, though, and think of the real losers in this tale – this man’s workmates. Can you imagine what he’s like by the time he reaches the office?

Folks,  Rod’s just asked me to remind you to ALWAYS lock your bike, even if you’re standing next to it.

He saw the theft of a bike outside the Coach and Horses yesterday while the owner and his friends were just feet away. He says “The thief loitered in the outside beer garden area and seeing his chance, jumped on the bike and took off. The owner and several people from the pub gave chase, but he got away. The Police have looked at CCTV footage, but don’t hold out much hope natch…”

He goes on to say “the police I spoke to said that bike theft in Greenwich is rife at the moment. The perp was a tallish Asian guy in his 20s, stubble, blue hoodie and jeans. I realise that doesn’t narrow it down much…”

I have to say I know of a guy who lost two bikes in two days. So, folks, even if you’re standing next to your cycle, lock it up, eh…

One good bit of news though, comes from Kevin who, after the discussions on the Cycle Babble thread got off his saddle-sore arse and actually did something:

Following your blog entry “Cycle Babble” recently (to which I posted a response) I emailed TfL and have received the following reply.

They have now changed the timings of the lights, which has improved matters.

Congratulations, Kevin. And thank you.

Looks pretty calm here, doesn’t it. But this, claims Stephen, is the most dangerous spot for cyclists in Greenwich. BTW If you’re trying to get your bearings here, it’s Blackheath Road Junction, with the court on the right across the road.

Stephen says:

They changed the traffic light priority last year.  Traffic coming from Greenwich High Road turning right  (as the traffic in the photo is doing)or left into Blackheath Hill had their time on green and the opposite light (where I sometimes come from) had its  turn on green as well. Now both sets of lights are on green at the same time and traffic coming from Greenwich high Road turning right into Blackheath hill towards Deptford completely disregard  cyclists who wish to go straight across. The last time I tried to do this I had to swerve left  (where the silver car is) because a car went right in front of me when it was turning to go towards Deptford.  I went after the car and caught it up in traffic  and said both lights are green at the same time now. He said the famous words “ sorry I didn’t see you”

TBH you were lucky you didn’t get a smack in the jaw, Stephen. Things are getting nastier all the time out there.

This is clearly a horrid spot, but is it the absolute worst, when we have so many cycling black spots to choose from? The junction at Vanbrugh Hill and Traf Road and the ghastly roundabout under the flyover at the A102M have both seen tragic fatalities. Personally I won’t cross either of them on a bike – I’d rather walk.  And I’m not wild about the one way system around the very centre of Greenwich, where you have to swap lanes just at the point where everyone else is and looking out for themselves rather than cyclists.

So today I ask – which is YOUR least favourite bit of Greenwich for cycling in? And – just to lighten things a little, what is your best bit? Mine is definitely that lovely piece of pathway between the ORNC and the five-foot walk – smooth, flat, and with loads to look at as you’re dodging tourists…

Two things have got me thinking in the last few days. The first was my nearly getting run over my some mad cyclist charging, hell for leather, along a very narrow bit of pavement, and shouting at me for being in the way, the second was our very own Stevie going arse-over-tit in one of Evelyn Street’s finest potholes. “I was sent over the handlebars only then to collide with a obstinate bus stop,” he says.

His note to me was really to thank the six cyclists who stopped and the people at the bus stop who also helped with tissues, baby wipes “and a very timely plaster from a young man called Greg,” and to apologise if he bled on anyone.

He reassures me that “the gash to my forehead was really not so bad as it would have appeared and the kindly Helen at Lewisham Hospital was able to glue it up rather than resorting to stitches,” but it’s got me to thinking.

I don’t think my crazy pavement-monger and Stevie’s accident are unrelated. Greenwich and Lewisham councils aren’t by any means the only councils that have whopping great potholes all over the main roads, but that doesn’t absolve them from not addressing them.

I’m told that the big routes into town are utterly riddled with disasters waiting to happen, and that’s driving some people onto the pavements, ready to knock down unsuspecting Phantoms.

I wonder – with all these new ‘Greenwich clean-up’ teams that Greenwich Time newspaper shamelessly bigs-up every bloomin’ week , can’t some of the cheery guys in turquoise sweatshirts be promoted to being a dedicated pothole filling gang?

They could target the main roads, that get used by hundreds of cyclists, (at quiet times, natch, – i.e. not rush hour) and fill ‘em in quickly, bish-bosh, tidy job guv. I’m not really looking for perfection here – just a relatively smooth lane for people to ride in so that they might be tempted off the pavement and out of my way.

Surely the money they’d not have to fork out in court settlements, not to mention the savings the NHS would make on sticky plasters would pay for it?

Nicola asks:

“I’m thinking of cycling my little girls over to nursery in September, from Westcombe Park (via Foyle Road) to Blackheath. I’m hoping to get a bike with a trailer. Does anyone else do this or know of anyone else doing this? Has anyone found it a scary journey? Is cycling from Greenwich to Blackheath straightforward and easy enough to avoid the dreaded traffic? “

The Phantom replies:

You’d seriously consider cycling two small children up that hill? I just hope you live at the top end of Foyle Road…

Seriously, I’d try borrowing a bike and a heart monitor and giving it a try before you shell out on serious kit like a trailer.

Personally, the most precious thing I’d want to carry on a bicycle would be a baguette and a morning paper, but I know that many people are confident enough to ferry kiddies around on one.

I don’t know much (read “anything”) about trailers, but I’d guess that it would make you a much wider vehicle (read “target”) on our narrow roads. Now, of course, that can make you ‘safer’ – you’re forced to use the road more like a car driver than a cyclist, but you are low down – and your cargo will be even lower.

Okay safety warnings over (for the moment) let’s get onto the route.

Actually, I’d say that if you are only going via Foyle Road rather than from it, it is probably your path of least resistance. It’s slightly longer (or feels like it anyway) than the others, but it also feels shallower and you get the added enjoyment of the most enjoyable topiary in Greenwich.

For the rest of the Greenwich part of the trip, it might be worth nipping through the park – a bit of a long way round but very pretty (and changes with the seasons) and much safer than the road. There are two problems with this – I can’t find a map of designated cycle paths for the park (no wonder everyone cycles everywhere – we really should be told exactly where we can go) and, more annoyingly, the junction where Maze Hill meets Westcombe Park Rd – the high kerbs, mini roundabout, railings and narrow gate – will make this a bit of what my old driving instructor used to call “an ‘azard.”

From there, it’s Duke Humphrey’s Road (stopping for a cup of tea at the ‘ut, perhaps) and Tranquil Vale – but it will take you a long way round, and since I don’t know where your daughters’ school will be, I could be directing in completely the wrong way across the heath.

So here’s a completely different suggestion. (I’m assuming you want to avoid that nasty roundabout.) Turn left at the top of Foyle Road, then right into Beaconsfield Road. From the end, you can either fiddle your way through the back routes through Vanbrugh Park and and the gorgeous Angerstein Lane (warning – rough, unmade surfaces) or follow Vanbrugh Park all the way round.

Your next obstacle will be the A2 – but of course at most times of the day this is at a standstill anyway. Then you can nip down St German’s Place, where the only hazard will be the 4X4s dropping off kiddie-winks at sundry prep schools.

If you need to go further into Blackheath, South Row and Pond Road will take you a relative back route. Shortest isn’t really an option in this instance, given the payload.

It is, as London rides go, a very pretty trip either way (I would avoid the centre route with the roundabout – it’s just too busy) but are you really sure you want to put two small children onto a pushbike? Personally I wouldn’t dream of it, though I will be very happy to hear from brave parents who regularly cycle trolley-loads of neighbours’ kids across the heath.

I know I’m on a downer here. I am SO not anti-cycling. I love it myself, and I seriously think every car (and especially every lorry) driver should also be a cyclist – just so they know how cyclists think.

But it’s been such a short time since our most recent ghost bike. A white bicycle with a trailer would break my heart…