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Wednesday, 31 October 2007

Local Ghosts Quiz

As a consequence of reading Mr Godfrey's books and other local volumes, trawling the Internet, going on numerous walks (which, by the way, are excellent if you get an official one) and consulting a storyteller friend of mine, I'm beginning to think that most of Greenwich's ghosts are A Bit Crap.

So, by way of a bit of fun on this, All Hallows Eve, I thought I'd give you a little quiz. At least one of these 13 local ghosts is 'real' as reported by someone who reckons they've seen it. At least one is totally fabricated by Yours Truly. Your job is to work out which are true tales of horror and which are big fat lies.

Here goes: (in spookily chronological order)

1)The Roman Legion. Greenwich had a Roman encampment in the days before Ye Olden Days as it was on the route to Dover (there is, of course, what is assumed to be a temple in Greenwich Park) but it was with great surprise that two workmen removing an old boiler from underneath the Royal Naval College's Jacobean Undercroft a few years ago witnessed an entire legion of Roman soldiers in full uniform appear through a wall, march across the room, then disappear through the opposite wall. The boiler had been placed well under the original ground level, which accounts for the fact that their feet did not touch the ground.

2)The Penitent Viking. In 1998, two young men were enjoying a takeaway chicken meal sitting in the churchyard of St Alfeges. They had thrown the chicken bones into the bushes when they saw a bearded man in clothes made from what looked like fur behind them. He was picking up the bones, carefully gathering them into a small sack. When they looked back he was gone. It has been suggested that this is one of the vikings at the feast where St Alfege was martyred; that perhaps he is trying to gather the saint's bones together to give them a christian burial so his own soul can rest.

3) The Crew of The Boundless. After the removal of the bones from the burial ground at The Naval Hospital to East Greenwich Pleasaunce to make way for the new railway, a ghostly crew of sailors was reported in the mid 19th Century, making their way back to their original resting place in search of their missing crew member whose remains were left behind. It has been suggested that they are the crew of The Boundless, one of the ships that took part in the Battle of Trafalgar. There have been no sightings of the crew themselves for over a hundred years, although train drivers have reported seeing 'a ghostly figure' as they go through the tunnel. Could this be the missing man searching for his companions?

4) The Headless Pensioner. One evening during the 1990s, after a Naval Dinner in the Painted Hall, the manager came to turn out the lights and lock up. She was horrified to see a headless body in full Greenwich Pensioner uniform standing at the top of the steps, seemingly waiting for her.

5) The Helpful Handyman. An electrician who was carrying out rewiring in Queen Anne Court was delighted when a helpful old man in uniform hung around handing him the tools for the job. It was only later when he realised that friendly old chap had vanished that the electrician started to panic. It is assumed that this was one Admiral John Byng who was incarcerated in the hospital before being executed (unfairly) for failing in his duties. Far from being malevolent, he hangs around the college, opening doors for tourists and generally helping out.

6) Pistol Jack There are many ghosts associated with The Spread Eagle Inn, but the most enjoyable one is 'Pistol Jack,' a highwayman who terrorised Shooters Hill in the late 18th Century before being hanged at Tyburn in 1796. He might have been a fearsome robber up on the wilds of the heath, but he has only ever been kind to weary travellers resting at the Inn. Sightings have included him giving up his seat by the fire to a lady and replenishing the beer - when the barman has gone to change a barrel, he has found it still half full. He was usually to be found in the downstairs snug after hours but hasn't been seen since the refurbishment.

7) The Creepy Cash-register During a wedding at the Old Royal Naval College, a cash register was set up on "Nelson's table" - the table upon which his body is said to have lain in state. A guest bought two orange juices, but before the barmaid could touch the till, it opened up, having already calculated the correct amount.This happened twice that evening, each with different amounts and different orders.

8) The Grey Lady. There must be a veritable army of Grey and White Ladies haunting Britain. Our own local Grey Lady walks around the Chesterfield Gate section of Greenwich Park. Some have suggested she is the scandalous Princess Caroline of Brunswick, the estranged wife of George IV, who decamped to Greenwich after being shunned at court. Her mansion, since demolished was on this spot. Since the excavation of Caroline's bath (where she is known to have held raucous parties,) park rangers have reported hearing the sound of giggling and splashing coming from the vicinity.

9) The 'Tween Deck of the Cutty Sark. Before the recent restoration, late-night revellers at functions on the Cutty Sark regularly reported the distinct feeling that they are not alone on the 'Tween Deck. A Paranormal Investigation in the 1990s confirmed that it was the spirit of a young man from the tea clipper's glory days. It remains to be seen what happens to his soul after the recent fire.

10) The Schoolboy Theatregoer. A particularly cold spot in Row E of Greenwich Theatre is said to be host to the presence of a young boy who probably visited when it was still Crowder's Music Hall.

11) The Haunted Bag of Soot. During the 1920s, an horrific accident at Greenwich Power Station saw a young man crushed by a falling bag of soot collected from the coal furnaces. For several years after, his former colleagues claimed that sacks left in that part of the power station would mysteriously open and spill across the floor. It was always accompanied by a distinct drop in temperature in what was normally an extremely hot environment.

12) The American Officer. Among the many spirits who walk around the Old Royal Naval Hospital, one in particular stands out - that of an American Officer in WWII uniform. During the early part of the war, Americans were forbidden to sign up, but several felt so strongly they dodged the rule by coming to train in Britain. Few of them returned. This is probably Greenwich's most romantic ghost - he appears only to young women and is never a frightening presence.

13) The Wedding Guest. In what is now Rick's on Trafalgar Road, beloved by hen nights and engagement parties, there were several sightings during the 1980s and 90s of an "extra guest" sitting quietly in the corner. Dressed in outdated fashions, witnesses said she watched proceedings sadly. If approached she refused both offers of nibbles and dances but seemed grateful to anyone who spoke to her. She was always gone by 11.00pm, and nobody saw her leave. There are no theories as to who she was, but there has been a public house on this site for at least 120 years.

Answers tomorrow, folks...

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Tuesday, 30 October 2007

Depressing Demolition

I was up at the Blackheath Standard just now, full of the joys of sunny October, when I suddenly spied this:



It took me a moment to work out what exactly the workmen were demolishing. Then it came to me.

What on earth did that little 1950s bus shelter ever do to anyone? Okay - it wasn't a paragon of design, but it fitted rather well, with it's honest brick sides and little tiled roof, within the 1950s crazy-paved design of the village green.

Presumably it attracted "the wrong sort" or something - though I can't say I ever noticed hoodies or graffiti there. Did it really warrant demolition?

I suppose we'll get some horrid glass affair as a replacement which will soon be a source of permanent employment for glass repairers.

Oh - I get it. They'll be able to put advertisments in the new one. So. A revenue-generating move.

Hmmm.

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Devonport House Burial Ground and Admiral Hardy's Tomb



The strange thing about the somewhat austere frontage of Devonport House and its even more austere grounds is that on a first glance it just looks like a patch of grass with a few trees in it.

It's only when you start to peer in a bit further that you realise that what used to be the main cemetery for Greenwich Hospital still has some rather splendid monuments and even the odd grave. By the time naval veterans made it out to Greenwich they were already pretty decayed (if you look at old engravings of Greenwich Pensioners there's always at least one with a peg-leg - either the same guy got himself into every picture or there were a lot of limbs blown off by cannon fire) so the cemetery filled up quickly.

Actually, the very first graveyard was at the bottom-east corner of Greenwich Park - where that little row of cottages snakes its way up the side of the park now. By 1749 it was full, so they decamped to a new one on Goddard's Garden (no relation, I hope, with Goddard's Pie Shop...no - let's not even go there...) on King William Walk.

This was a purpose-built graveyard - which already included a posh Mausoleum for officers. It's still there - although you have to crane your neck to see it unless you care to do what I did, which is sneak around the back (or front - I can never quite work out the geography of Devonport House) and tiptoe across the grass. It's by Nicholas Hawksmoor (a man who certainly got around) and was built between 1713 and 1714 in his signature dour neo-classical style. When it was first built it had open arched columns but they were filled in sometime about 1820 and the whole thing re-roofed.

This might have something to do with the fact that it was attacked by grave robbers in 1806. Perhaps it was very stupid grave robbers who were hoping to find Nelson's remains - he's buried in St Paul's Cathedral of course - though had they returned in 1839 they would have found Admiral Hardy - he of "Kiss me, Hardy" (or "Kismet, Hardy " as it is more fashionable to say these days) fame. It also contains the mortal remains of Lord Hood and Tom Allen, who was Nelson's personal servant.(I'll get onto these guys another time.) You'll be glad to know it's listed.


The big move to East Greenwich Pleasaunce took place in 1857, after the graveyard at Devonport House just got Too Full. It didn't help that not long after, the railway was being extended with a new-fangled cut-and-cover tunnel under Greenwich Park that went straight the cemetery. I'll get onto that some other time.

But for now, it's definitely worth a sneak around the grounds of Devonport House (which, in time-honoured tradition, I'll cover some other time) and taking a closer look at the monuments that are left, looking ever so slightly lost, in the grass. If I understood the complex Victorian language of funerary monuments (a bit like a goth-version of the Language of Flowers) I'd be able to tell you what a broken pillar covered in a marble cloak or Britannia with her shield lowered meant. Sadly the book I had with it all in got lost years ago...

There was more disruption in the 1920s when building work began on Devonport House, when 1247 skulls and 58 boxes of bones were dug up for removal to East Greenwich.
For now, though, I'll leave you to ponder upon the ghostly consequences of such deathly upheaval...

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Monday, 29 October 2007

A Warning

Lorna has sent me this disturbing email:

Hi Phantom

Just wanted to pass on a warning to your readers if possible.

I was walking home from Cutty Sark DLR on saturday night with my boyfriend about 1.30am having been to a party in north london and having caught one of the last trains/DLRs home.

The town/high street was packed, and we crossed the road (over to by the Thai place and the pet accessories shop) to avoid a rowdy group of people, when a guy started a fight with a guy walking towards us. I looked back and noticed the guy who had challenged the man walking towards us, had a large empty glass bottle (a litre bottle of Smirnoff). I quickly sped up with my boyfriend to get out of the way - the next thing I know, the guys had begun fighting and the bottle was thrown - hitting me on the head.

Luckily the bottle didn't break, and I was left with only a large bump on the side of my head - the fight was carrying on, so I thought we'd better get out of the way. Typically, there were no police to be seen anywhere on high street.

I would recommend to all your readers to walk the longer way round from the station (turning left out of the DLR round by Waterstones), as this doesn't mean walking past the Weatherspoons pub where most of the 'drunken louts' hang out.

I am completely disgusted, and quite frightened that Greenwich has become so unsafe. I don't see the point in reporting this to the police - I wouldn't be able to describe the men who were fighting, or the guy who threw the bottle, and didn't want to waste my Sunday in the police station.

I think it's high time that either the police have more presence in Greenwich on a Saturday, or drinking hours in that area are lowered. During the day Greenwich is a lovely place, and week night evenings it's also fine, but Friday and Saturday nights seem to attract a completely different type of person, who are out to make trouble.

I'm also wondering if all the new housing that is springing up is meaning the town is over crowded in the evenings? I hope to have time in the near future to write to the police and the council requesting greater police presence over the weekends... but I'm not convinced this will have any effect. Let me know if you, or your readers have any other suggestions to making our streets safer...

The Phantom Replies:

This is utterly awful - and you do need to report this, Lorna - even if you couldn't recognise the thugs concerned - because the police work on statistics. So these particular louts won't get caught (though maybe they were later if it was that bad) but your experience, if reported, will add up to a bigger picture which could mean that measures are taken around that vile place.

Get better soon, Lorna, and in the meantime, folks - take care...

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Walking Ghostly Greenwich Parts 1 & 2

Malcolm C. Godfrey, Time For Greenwich, 2004

I guess if anyone was qualified to write a book about Ghostly Greenwich, Malcolm Godfrey fits the bill, having been the last resident of The Lieutenant Governor's Residence in the Old Royal Naval College. He has always been interested in the supernatural and his role as Hospitality and Events Manager at what he claims to be the most haunted spot in Great Britain (a tough call IMHO - but you need to be bold when you're writing a book) meant that he, his family or friends were personally witness to several of the chilling events he describes. Does this make it even more authentic or slightly flaky? Well, I always say a tale is in the telling - and Malcolm Godfrey is clearly a raconteur...

If I'm honest, it does feel a teeny-tiny bit on the flimsy side. Of the two books, the first, about The Old Royal Naval College, is the most substantial. It's an easy, quick read, entertaining (if only for the typos,) and has a ring of personal conviction and enjoyable anecdotal evidence. Most of Greenwich's ghosts seem to be benign - either slightly sad - or even downright friendly. Several of the stories describe kindly spectres helping out with chores or keeping a watchful eye on things.

Where the book comes into its own are the little historical asides that Godfrey throws in almost, seemingly, by accident - several things I had neither read nor heard anywhere else. He is uniquely placed to know choice details about the building and function of the place and I wonder whether he might have been better employed writing a lighthearted history of the ORNC buildings (maybe he should think about that next.) I get the feeling that it's ever-so-slightly 'padded,' with descriptions of creepy places that don't actually have any supernatural history or sightings but send shivers down your spine anyway - but if a book's enjoyable, it doesn't really matter if its course alters from time to time.

The second book, which deals with Greenwich at large, "From Deptford to the Dome," is equally easy to read, if even lighter on 'ghostly' substance - but yet again has fascinating nuggets of historical detail and some curious photographs that stand up on their own for pure historical interest. Sometimes places don't need an actual ghost to give you the creeps and Malcolm Godfrey is very good at raising the fear temperature (just as the ghostly temperature drops) whilst telling stories about places that you'd not instantly associate with spirits. And just as he can make places that have no supernatural connotations feel phantasmagorical, he's equally (and frustratingly) good at not telling us the exact address of a haunted house because the present owners are unaware of the place's history. Now that's storytelling...

How much of it do I believe? Well, in the cold light of this sunny Monday morning, absolutely none at all. But stick me in the haunted skittle alley alone at midnight...

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Hi- Yaa!!

Greenwich Mutiny asks:

Can any of those folks in the know recommend a children's class for Kung Fu/Karate?

The Phantom replies:

I cannot begin to tell you just how many ways this is not a question for me. But I bet there's someone out there who can help you.

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Sunday, 28 October 2007

A week of Ghostly Posts

'Tis the end of October, traditionally The Phantom's favourite time of year, and in celebration, I will be having a creepy time on the blog with a week's worth of Greenwich spookery.

Hallowe'en seems to be getting bigger and bigger these days - but here is not the place to go into the rights and wrongs of trick-or-treating. Let's look on the bright side - while everywhere is full of pumpkins and paper chains in the shape of witches on broomsticks (and have you noticed that even the Blackwall Tunnel seems to be getting in on the act - black, sooty walls, sodium orange lights and bright green one-way arrows...) it's NOT full of Christmas decorations. We used to be plagued with festive decor and Christmas muzak from mid-Spetember onwards. Now, with Hallowe'en to celebrate, the shops all wait a bit longer. As Ian Drury would say "reasons to be cheerful..."

Hallowe'en starts tomorrow.

Oooops!

Folks - I've just accidentally deleted some emails in my spam folder, that even as I pressed the button I realised were actually genuine messages. If I haven't replied to a message you've sent me recently, please send again. I am not ignoring you!!

George II

Alex says:

I know that you are a very busy Phantom but please try to review George II in the covered market, it is on the site of what used to be a perfectly good, slightly greasy spoon cafe with tables outside. We went there for coffee yesterday and had to wait ages to be served, no table service, from staff who had so obviously had a row it was comical. She glared at him, he rolled his eyes at her at one stage we thought they were going to come to blows.

All the tables had dirty stains on them as all the coffee is served in mugs, spoons with coffee on them are left on the tables hence the stains - not once did we see a cloth when the tables were cleared. As it is half term there were lots of mums and kids and without exception everyone that ordered baked potatoes in their jackets returned them as they were not cooked (microwaved) in the middle.


The coffee was fine, although it would have been nice if either of the fighting staff had smiled - at least once; we stayed for two cups as we were having such fun watching the rows.

The Phantom Replies:

I have tried to review George II twice but each time have been so put off by the massive queues, the chaotic atmosphere and the unexciting-looking fare that I've just turned round and walked out again. I didn't see any staff at all - let alone rowing ones.

If you've been a reader for long you will know that The Meeting House used to be listed as one of my favourite haunts - for just plain good value, good food. Your visit just adds to my fears.

Perhaps Greenwich Inc are spreading themselves a little too thin here. Contrary to popular belief, I am not actually anti-Greenwich Inc. In some places they do very well - inside the O2, for example, they take on the big multinationals at their own game and don't come off badly at all. If we've got to have a chain at least it's a local chain and I congratulate them on having a go in a Dome that could have all been major conglomerates.

I notice they also have a licence application for the eaterie in the new apartment building on the Thames Path next door to the power station. Seems to me that no other bugger would touch it in over a year and Greenwich Inc have at least got the guts to go for it. But some of their outlets just seem like a cash-in, and, by the sound of it, at George II quality is being sacrificed for profit.

I am very sad to hear about the jacket potatoes - it was the spuds that used to bring me back again and again to The Meeting House. Microwaved? Yeuch. Not even cooked? Double yeuch.

It does at least sound as though you enjoyed the experience in a manner of speaking - sometimes a place is so terrible that it stops being a cafe and starts being theatre.

Trouble is, that as with so many eateries in central Greenwich, George II does not have to convince us locals to return. There is a steady flow of one-off tourists who will not be expected to tell their friends or create any kind of buzz to keep the pounds rolling in (I will be interested to see what happens in the new place by the power station - fewer tourists will mean Greenwich Inc have to appeal to locals - hopefully we will see something new and exciting there - and I will be the first to trumpet it if we get something really good...)

I will try to brave George II one day soon - but they don't need my - or your - custom and I cannot think that they will care what I, or anyone else has to say. It's a shame that The Meeting House closed, but it's even more of a shame if what has replaced it is a shadow of its former greasy glory. Greenwich already has a dodgy reputation for food. This is not going to improve that reputation.

Has anyone else been there yet?

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Friday, 26 October 2007

Olympic Families...

Now here's a cosy concept. The Olympic 'family.' This is the nausea-inducing title given to the group of 'clients' that the Olympic Delivery Authority actually care about for 2012. They include National Olympic Committee officials, athletes, workforce, media and, most tellingly, 'marketing partners' - i.e. advertisers. The Paralympic 'family' has similar categories.

So why am I writing about this today? Because on the 23rd, the ODA produced the transport plans for 2012. We're all going to go by public transport. No ifs. No buts. Unless we can manage to join The Family...

So what will The Family enjoy that we can only stand in our queues and watch?

Well, traffic lights will be rephased so that traffic going to the games gets priority and where necessary roads will be closed. Routes will be diverted and 'kerbside controls' (Parking restrictions) brought in. Special 'Olympic' lanes created for more than 1000, officials who will be entitled to their own car and driver. For us this will mainly mean that the Blackwall Tunnel will be down to one lane because most of the roads in Greenwich won't support a separate lane.

The ODA are, at least, good enough to accept that the most important sub-category of The Family is the athletes. Fair enough. It would be most annoying if the race began and the runners were all stuck on the Northern Line. But after that I start to wonder just how many of these dignitaries really justify a dedicated lane in already-congested roads. The rest of us are expected to leave time for our journeys - which will be worse because The Family are taking up an entire lane. I like the way they put things: that less than 50 percent of the ORN (Olympic Road Network) will be affected - a good news-way of telling us that nearly half of our roads will be fiddled with.

Do I ultimately care? Probably not that much for the total of four weeks during the two sets of games. But I will not be happy if it is extended for months before and after the festivities because the building work is going at its usual Olympic speed (late) creating designated lanes for JCBs...

What do you folks think?

http://www.london2012.com/plans/transport/getting-ready/transport-plan.php

The Phantom lights the blue touch-paper and retires...

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Thursday, 25 October 2007

Shop for Sale...


Anyone who reads this on a regular basis will know that I never stop banging on about the dead and dying shops on Trafalgar Road, but this one truly saddens me.

We've all known for sometime that the owner/proprietor of La Salumeria was retiring, but until now I hadn't been overly bothered as I had (stupidly, it would seem now) believed the rumours that it would stay a delicatessen, with merely the addition of a cafe at the rear. But looking at the Property Section of the News Shopper this week I noticed that the entire property - shop, flat and freehold is up for sale - so that clearly can't be the case any more.

There are so few true old-fashioned delis around anymore - crammed from ceiling to floor with curious (mainly Italian) jars, tins and boxes, festooned with Pannetone boxes hanging from the ceiling at Christmas, gaily coloured foil-wrapped eggs at Easter and sausages the rest of the time. I know we are getting a new one (at Stockwell Street, up the posh end) but I can't imagine that it will be as stuffed to the gills with goodies - a place to truly browse - as La Salumeria, however yummy it might be.

The asking price is £550,000 - far too much for most would-be deli-founders. This will almost certainly be bought by a developer, the flat spruced-up and sold off and the shop itself closed. My one hope springs from the contents - also for sale so someone might see this as an opportunity.

I am a heavy-hearted Phantom this morning.

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Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Birdman

Mo Hayder, Bantam, 1999

Several warped individuals recommended this psychological thriller as being set in Greenwich, but I confess I had prevaricated on the grounds that "I couldn't find it in the local bookshop" ( a feeble excuse, I know, but I am a sensitive soul) until The Phantom Webmaster found it in a booksale and I no longer had any excuse not to read it.

So. At last. A true Greenwich book - set in Greenwich, namechecking Greenwich all over the shop and with Greenwich-ian characters. A local book, then, for local people. What does it say about us that it's a horror story about a sexual-sadist serial killer...?

It's a fast read - pacy and a real page turner. I don't normally read this genre so I'm not sure whether it's a 'good' example of its kind, but I couldn't put the thing down, revulsed as I was. With every page I was thinking "Yeuch!" and "What's next?" in equal quantities.

Greenwich around the millennium is very finely portrayed - a largely downmarket world that though only seven years old is already part of history. The bodies initially bowl up around the aggregates yards near the building work for the millennium dome; the seedy strip joint that the low-life of Greenwich hang out in is in Trafalgar Road (maybe this book should be submitted as evidence of "What Could Happen" if the lap-dancing club is allowed to open...) It's rather (and perhaps deliberately) confusingly called the Dog & Bell (the only one I know is in Deptford, but I'm assuming the real one was somewhere like The Penny Black, the William IV or The Crown.)

The nasty hospital that is the centre for grizzly goings-on is a thinly-disguised Greenwich District Hospital - no wonder it closed a couple of years after this book came out if that's the kind of thing that went on ;-)

And so on and on. Several streets are named, giving a good feel for the area - Crooms Hill must be one of the most namechecked roads in Greenwich - if there's anywhere going to be named in any book, it's that one. Other names are disguised (I was sad enough to look them up on the A-Z.)

Is this a 'good' book? Well, it's not 'literary fiction' in its purest form - but as a shocker it's completely gripping - and I would argue that that in itself makes it "a good book." Any novel that can transport its reader, scare the hell out of them and make them turn the page fits the bill as far as I'm concerned. I would be proud to have written it.

I understand there's a film in the offing. When I looked it up it was "in pre-production" which in movie-speak generally means "Don't hold your breath." Hopefully Mo Hayder will have received a nice fat "option" cheque but I lost interest when I read further down and discovered that this wouldn't be a first for Greenwich - a Greenwich-set flick actually filmed in Greenwich - but would be transported wholesale to Los Angeles. If I'm honest there isn't any plot reason why this story should be set in Greenwich - it could fit anywhere - it just seems a shame that American film makers don't seem to be able to see beyond their own back yard (though I guess that on this particular morning they probably can't actually see their own back yards.)

Birdman comes highly recommended by this phantom - if you don't mind a spot of gore and don't live in Crooms Hill....

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Tuesday, 23 October 2007

Creekside Development

Blimey - it seems that development hell is all around us today. James tells me that the Creekside development has begun. He says:

I live up on creek road and the demolition of the old universal tyres building, hobsons and the like have begun. Expect their carcasses to still be present till about jan 08; at that point, the greenwich mini work yards will also have gone too. (some occupants have already left).

James is going to document the process with his camera. You can (literally) keep up with developments here:

http://flickr.com/photos/imajes/sets/72157602485325737/

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"Heart of East Greenwich" consultation

Anonymous suggested we talk about this now we've had our slender chance at seeing First Base's plans for the old District Hospital site.

I say 'look' at their plans as I really believe that whatever anyone says on their little piece of paper in the way of comments will be looked at - then utterly ignored. But hey. They let us look at them for one afternoon and one evening and I guess we should be grateful...

What really jumped out to me was that nothing jumped out. Someone on the last thread mentioned that it was all done using a computer kit, which is why it all looks the same. And they must be right. There is no genuinely original thought here - a wavy roof on one bit and a few scribbled-in lollipop trees and bushes doesn't hide the rest of it.

Why are they creating all those shop spaces when we can't fill the ones we have along Woolwich Road? Wouldn't it be best to landscape that area for now (I know, I know - architects are allergic to the colour green unless it's in lollipop form...) and wait for the shops in Trafalgar and Woolwich roads to fill up, and, when we have a head of retail steam in East Greenwich, then build some more shops and cafes to suit what the area has turned into? As it is I can see acres of boarded up NEW shops as well as the old ones. The first thing that people will see on entering the area is a load of un-taken shops with just the odd bit of tumbleweed drifting between the new dole office and the rest of the council buildings, the scruffy Starbucks, inhabited by truant teenagers its only open shop.

They very cunningly put so many images of happy people 'using' the facilities that it was quite difficult to concentrate on the actual buildings; that may have been because the images of people were more interesting than the buildings. There were a selection of what I at first took to be kiddies building blocks but turned out to be samples of the materials they'll be using. Cheap and nasty, dyed bright colours to try to conceal the fact.

And maybe that's it. We have got this design because it's cheap. East Greenwich is far enough away from the posh historic end for it not to be visited much by tourists, therefore somehow it doesn't matter. Who cares if all that new traffic pours out onto Woolwich Road making it even more congested than it is now? (When I asked about this I was told that everything would be alright because they were "only allowing left turns" - no thought given either to how that would be enforced - or what even the left-hand turns would do to traffic that gets banked up to the A102M every morning.)

Would you believe that the argument I was given for allowing all the extra parking was that the hospital would have had cars? I guess there would have been a small car park - but any hospital traffic would have been coming and going throughout the day, not all trying to leave for work at 7.30am. Besides, in the years the hospital has been dead, the traffic has increased to fill the gap it left. It's no longer a viable argument IMHO.

I went with my mum. She doesn't live in the area, but she always loves to visit Greenwich because it's lovely - even the East bit. I think she summed it up. She walked round, studying the boards in silence. As we left, she just said "Greenwich deserves better, really, doesn't it..."

http://www.firstbase.com/heart.html

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Monday, 22 October 2007

East Greenwich Pleasaunce Time Capsule Contents

Gwladys asks:

Do you know what finally made it into the Pleasaunce time-capsule?

Kate Powling from the Friends of East Greenwich Pleasaunce replies:

The time capsule will be opened in 2157. It’s details will be lodged with the Time Capsule Society in Atlanta, USA and The National Maritime Museum here in Greenwich.

It’s contents have been decided by Friends members, members of the Royal Navy Assocation and children from Halstow Primary School.

They include:
a Royal Naval Association 2007 Diary;
a ticket to the Rolling Stones concert this summer at the o2;
a DVD about the Thames from Greenwich Yacht club;
a memory stick containing 1 year’s worth of the popular local blog, www.thegreenwichphantom.co.uk ;
a London A-Z map,
a mix CD made by a ten year old boy of music he likes listening to;
a lightbulb;
a Valley Review programme from Charlton Athletic;
a mobile phone;
a small car;
a description of a typical day at school;
a photo and explanation of Red Nose Day;
the front page of a local newspaper;
a menu from a local pub;
keys;
a drawing of the Dome;
several photographs, postcards, DVD’s and powerpoint presentations reflecting life in Greenwich in 2007;
a small Wellington boot symbolising all the children who have played in the Pleasaunce, and will do so in the future.

Your 'popular' local Phantom blushes...

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An "Old" Guidebook...

Eccentric London, Benedict le Vay, Bradt, 2002

Does anyone remember that fantastic 1950s Hollywood Musical On The Town? You know - where three toothsome sailors (Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra and Jules Munshin) have just 24 hours to "do" New York on shore leave?

There's a scene where Frank Sinatra's naive (yeah, yeah - it's fantasy, ok...) cabin boy Chip wants to see all the sights in his granddad's 1902 NYC guidebook, but his glamorous female cabbie (Betty Garrett, if you recall) has other things she'd like him to see. During the progress of the song My Place Ol' Blue Eyes lists the places he wants to see; Betty Garrett tells him the attractions don't exist any more and suggests an alternative programme to fill the afternoon.

Why am I talking about this? Because I was reading Eccentric London yesterday and I was struck by how much like Chip's granddad's book it was. That guidebook was over fifty years old - but the one I held in my sweaty mitt wasn't even five yet and already horribly out of date - just going to show how fast things are moving in Greenwich. Of course Eccentric London is about the whole of the capitol, not just Greenwich - and I can't speak for the rest of the city's up-to-dateness, but I suspect the world is moving so fast that Benedict LeVay is going to need to do a complete revision sometime very soon...

LeVay suggests a walk that takes in the sights of Greenwich. I was going to put today's blog to the tune of My Place, but it occurred to me that perhaps I'm the only person who still watches 1950s Hollywood musicals to the point of being able to sing along with all the songs. I wouldn't want you to think I was the obsessive kind...

He starts out at Greenwich Station, moving down to St Alfeges, taking in Greenwich Borough Hall. So far, so good. He suggests a poke around the Junk Shop and Halcyon Books - both of which I am happy to report are still thriving (though I wonder whether it will still be the case if someone reads this blog in five years time.)

But then it all starts to go wrong. LeVay suggests lunch in Goddards Pie shop "run by the same family since 1890, so they must be doing something right." Ahem. As Betty Garrett would sing:

Goddards Family Pies saw their demise this year -
Come back to my place

After lunch, leVay recommends a browse around Unique Collections - that lovely old coins and medals shop, which closed just as I was starting blogging. Funny - that old shop looked like the sort of place that would never go - its dusty military helmets and old models of the Houses of Parliament one of the institutions of Greenwich.

Betty Garrett:

That Coins and Medals store will sell its wares no more-
Come back to my place...

Benedict le Vay then suggests a stroll around the market. A nice look around the second hand bookshop Marcet Books, perhaps?

Betty Garrett:

Come back to my place...

Ok. Let's try a different area...

Frank Sinatra:

My Granpa always told me Son
If you're in Greenwich, for a lark
You must career
To Greenwich Pier
There will appear the Cutty Sark...

(SFX: screeching of taxi brakes.)

Oops! I seem to have fallen into song anyway. Of course Benedict le Vay wasn't to know the old girl would have her knickers down and her vest up five years later...

Betty Garrett:

That guidebook is a liar, The Cutty Sark's on fire-
Come back to my place...

I could go on, but we're getting to the climax of the song...

Frank Sinatra:

Let's see the ships at Lovells Wharf

B.G: Let's go to my place...

FS: Round-the-world-yacht Gipsy Moth

BG: Let's go to my place

FS: See Knife Edge by Henry Moore

BG: Let's go to my place

FS: Take a planetarium tour

BG: Let's go to my place

FS: Let's see the great Millennium Dome

BG: Let's go to my-


(That's enough Hollywood musicals - ed.)
Betty Garrett:
My place.

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Friday, 19 October 2007

Sad Cherubs



After Burtons Elephants on Tuesday Gwladys reminded me of their friends across the road, the Sad Cherubs who decorate the pillars around St Algege's church.

These poor characters have been part of my image of Greenwich for as long as I can remember - they are one of my earliest memories of the place. Their faces eaten away by years of pollution - first from the coal fires and smoke from Greenwich's industrial past, more recently from the incessant car fumes, these poor little creatures haunt me whenever I think of St Alfeges - horrific yet somehow tragic. Almost as if they have some kind of caul across their faces they appear to writhe and struggle to get out from their stone prisons, gasping for air.

I can only assume that they are the same age as the church itself. I have always been a bit puzzled by the end of the church that presents itself to Greenwich Church St - where you would expect to see a door, there is a portico and a lantern - but a blank wall and railings supported by those cherubs. A rather odd face to show the world - the real entrance is round the 'back' and the altar is behind the cherub-wall.

Gwladys tells me that the cherubs remind him of that bit in Raiders of the Lost Ark where the naughty Nazis open the Ark of the Covenant and all the evils of the world come out, and I can see where he's coming from, but for me these creatures are more pathetic than that. I see no malice in them - just melancholy.

Where I do agree with Gwladys is that they are in urgent need of attention - but perhaps it's already too late. Short of recarving them and putting the originals out to pasture I can't see that they are repairable ( a foriegn friend once referred to something as being "immendable," which I think is an excellent word for these pitiful putti.) They are part of Greenwich's past - both cultural and industrial - and I cherish them as they are.

Something to look out for on those railings, BTW. There are often small flyers attached to them advertising concerts and recitals at St Alfeges - usually the only way I get to know about these lovely events...

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Thursday, 18 October 2007

The Time Apprentice

Val Tyler, Puffin

I bought my copy of The Time Apprentice in a bundle with its predecessor The Time Wreccas from Amazon, and I confess that had I not done so I probably wouldn't have read this book. The first book was an okay kids' story - mildly enjoyable, but a little too clunky for my personal (and, I have to point out, adult) tastes.

In the sequel, however, Val Tyler has found her stride. Admittedly I still see some of the issues I had with the first book, but they are much more subservient to the plot, which really does take centre stage here. It's brought in quickly and thunders through the story, giving it a drive that I didn't feel so much with the first book. There is some good, classic quest-storytelling and a genuinely creepy section underground that if it reminds me of The Hobbit, can only be a good thing. Concepts of shifting time are dealt with simply and elegantly and issues of friendship, self discovery and sacrifice for the common good revolve around the central tale.

The politically-correct doling-out of equal roles to male and female characters that felt artificial in The Time Wreccas is much less heavy-handed here and although the one instance of death is once again glossed over (and wasn't, IMHO, actually necessary) it's not nearly as unforgivable as the first time around. Once the quest is begun, the steam-train of the plot takes over and tells a compelling tale that I would have enjoyed as a child.

It's set in Greenwich, but frankly in many ways, could be anywhere. The Meridian Line is, of course, referenced, but Greenwich itself is not described once, which in my very narrow reading of the book, is a failing. I could have had a couple of 'markers' (nothing too nerdy - perhaps one or two of the tourist spots that chidren outside the area would know) to really make me feel that the author had actually visited the place...

I am not a child reader, which makes a 'real' review of this book quite difficult, so perhaps my mild irritation at the exposition and telling-rather-than-showing in places is misfounded - maybe children need things spelled out more clearly. In the same way, the liberal sprinkling of adverbs (something of which I am highly (oops) aware I am guilty of doing myself) can probably be forgiven. If it's good enough for J.K. Rowling...

The Time Apprentice is much better than its predecessor - and left me thinking that when the next "Greenwich Chronicle" comes out I will actually buy and read it - without the need for it to come bundled with something else...

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Wednesday, 17 October 2007

The Transglobe Expedition

It's extraordinary what you find when you're looking for something else, isn't it. When I was trying to unearth anything about the old Burtons store for yesterday's blog, I stumbled across an obit for Charles Burton, who accompanied Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykenham-Fiennes (huzzah for gentleman explorers) on a circumnavigation of the globe back in the 70s.

It was a particularly pertinent circumnavigation for us because it followed the Meridian Line (completely artificial, of course, but a local line for local people) through the North and South poles rather than the plain old boring bog-standard east-west route. They set out from Greenwich on 2nd September 1979, and it took them three years. I'm surprised it only took that long - circumnavigations don't usually take-in polar aspects at all.

The team creates a fabulous image - a panoply of British eccentrics - Sir Ranulf and Lady Ffiennes, their dog, a beer salesman and Burton, who, if this was a Rider Haggard novel, would be the grizzled Allan Quatermain character - an ex-squaddie gone into "the security business..."

If you look at the linethey took, it wasn't exactly straight, as they stopped off on any scraps of land they could find on the way and it reads as a What's What of all the inhospitable nightmare places of the earth. The Sahara, The North West Passage, Timbuktu, The Ivory Coast - deserts, jungle, ice-floes, polar bears, sinking skidoos- all they needed was Edwardian costume, butterfly nets, pith helmets and tiffin for the image to be complete.

I love the fact that the team were the first people to play a jolly British game of cricket at the South Pole and were bag-piped in when they reached Scott's base. All they needed was James May to bring the caviar and bubbly...

But all wasn't going smoothly. Sir Ranulf was nearly killed in a snowmobile crash. Fire (which if this was our ripping yarn would have been started by restless natives but was probably much more prosaic) ravaged the base camp. They were later attacked by polar bears. Half way through the expedition, the beer salesman (who in our novel would have been the comedy sidekick - I have no idea what he was like in real life) was persuaded to give up by his wife.

But not our grizzled Allan Quatermain character. No - romance was in the air for him. When he reached Australia, he married his fiance Thelma "Twink" Petts ( no - I'm not making this up.)

Then - action. Enter the dastardly Other Team. A Norwegian crew challenged them to a race to the Arctic. I'm sure it was all very gentlemanly and civilised - but in my fantasy tale the naughty Norwegians would have indulged in all kinds of crazy sabotage like knives on the sides of their sledges or laxatives in their reindeer blood. In a race to the death (well, ok, the pole) they beat the Norwegians by a long chalk and were greeted by a tabloid news reporter with a bottle of Jack Daniels (Have you noticed how damn populated the poles seem to be these days? Reporters, Guinness Book of Records men and bagpipers just for starters...)

After a thrilling race against time where they had to beat the retreating ice floes of spring they finally made it back to Gallions Reach in Greenwich on 4th August 1982, where Prince Charles greeted them. They were the first expedition to take in both poles on one journey, the fastest team to cross the Antarctic, the first team to cross the Yukon and the North West Passage in one season, and the first team to reach the North Pole using mechanical transport (what a difference a decade or two makes, eh - nowadays even the Top Gear team can take a casual drive up there...) Oh - and Bothy the terrier was the first dog to visit both poles.

I have to choose a label for this post. Somehow "Mostly Accurate History" seems even less appropriate for my flights of fancy over this expedition than my usual travesties but hey. There you go. You want accuracy, see the website.

www.transglobe-expedition.org

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Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Burtons Elephants



We'll get onto Cafe Sol that currently occupies this place another day with a proper review but for today I would like to take a peek at the building itself. It would be pretty easy to just walk past this fantastic art deco corner and not even notice its beautiful lines. It's a case of looking down - then looking up...

It doesn't take a genius to work out that this building was built by the mid-range gentleman's outfitters Burtons. There are two entrances, both of which still retain their fabulous mosaic 'doormats' - see above. The date I have is 1932 - though whether that is the date of the building or the decoration is unclear from the books I've been reading. I'm in the process of trying to find out...

The beautiful curved glass of the main window is still there - thank heavens. They just don't do curved glass any more (well - not within most people's budgets, anyway) - hence people with original 1930s curved windows in their houses being forced to replace them with a series of flat panes and spoiling the whole look. Tut. If you look carefully there is still a the top stained-glass leadwork running around above it.

But the best bit is definitely found by looking up. A crenellation of elephants (sounds like some kind of weird collective noun, doesn't it) carved in that distinctive deco style tops the lot. I have no idea why the architect chose elephants (I have images of that French cartoon character Babar - he wore a suit, didn't he?)but it's certainly spectacular.

I'm not sure when Burtons moved out, but apparently before this incarnation, it was the venue for a bar called Brandies. Cafe Sol occupies the ground floor - but can anyone enlighten me as to what goes on on the first floor? There looks as though there are chairs and a large TV. Any clues for a nosy Phantom?

Ham at www.LondonDailyPhoto.blogspot.com (who, when I finally get around to creating myself a links section will definitely top it - his is the best London Blog I know) has an occasional series on London Elephants. I can't find whether he has ever included the elephants at the top of Burtons but they are very splendid indeed. Ham - if you're out there - come and take a better photo than I can, eh!

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Monday, 15 October 2007

Peter de Wits Breakfast/Lunch

Something that always puzzles me about Sundays in Greenwich is that while the market and surrounding shops, the park and - well - practically everywhere else in the town is heaving, Peter de Wits is nearly always virtually empty whenever I walk in for brunch.

Maybe the tourists just walk past - it's small and perhaps unexciting-looking from the front and perhaps the (very slightly - we're not talking Las Vegas here) flashier-from-the-front-but-a-bad-idea-once-you-get-inside sandwich shop next door looks more inviting. PdW's, after all, has plain white walls and simple-looking tables where the sandwich shop has cakes in the window (don't bother trying them - they promise an AWFUL lot more than they deliver) but this is one case where looks alone are deceiving.

I have always had a soft spot for Peter de Wits anyway. Any cafe that's only got about eight tables that still manages to present live jazz two nights a week (and not just local music students - proper names) deserves a bit of respect. But I actually enjoy their food. It's a simple menu, that doesn't try to overstep the size of the kitchen - on Sunday I had a slice of the special quiche - all home-made and very enjoyable and the very fact that the tourists seem to pass the place by often means I can take my paper in there and enjoy a cup of coffee and a simple lunch virtually undisturbed. The staff are always friendly (as opposed to next door) and the prices, though not bog-low, are fair.

It's particularly lovely in the summer, when they open up the back and there are a couple of ancient tables surrounded by pots of whippy greenery next to the loos (much nicer than it sounds.) I am always slightly surprised when I can get a seat out there as it's such a sweet little secret corner in the very centre of town, but I've never been disappointed yet. Just the place to dissect a Sunday paper and its never-ending supplements...

Peter deWits has undecipherable opening hours. I often try to go there and it's shut. I have to make do with the Organic Cafe opposite which is nice enough, and reliable, but not as fun as PdW (try reading the paper next to the loos there you won't be popular - there's often a queue and it's next door to the kiddies' play area...) You just have to accept that PdW's seems to open on a whim and enjoy it when you strike lucky...

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Saturday, 13 October 2007

Live Advent Calendar

If this isn't the sweetest, cute-as-a-button-est, non-tacky Christmas idea you have heard in years, I want to know about the one that tops it...

Between the 1st and 24th December, 24 of the good parishioners of St Alfege's Church will be taking it in turns to open their curtains, revealing a festive surprise tableau to create a 'live' advent calendar. As each day arrives one more will be added to the number until there is a complete 'trail' of beautifully decorated scenes throughout Greenwich. I'm hoping they then do an organised walk on Christmas Eve with lots of carols and mince pies, but that's just soppy old me.

I will be joining in (sadly not with my own gaff - I'm outside the parish boundaries) by telling you on this blog each day where to find that day's surprise window. They will also create a PDF file so that you will have a little map of the trail once all the windows are open.

I can see this becoming a really lovely tradition - and in years to come perhaps even a little friendly rivalry between windows to see who can get the best display. Bring it on, I say - all the more fun for the rest of us. The displays will remain until Twelfth Night.

There are one or two window 'spaces' left so if you fancy joining in (I will be jealous - I would definitely have done this) check this map for the Parish Boundaries to make sure you're inside them, then give me a shout and I'll pass your name onto the people that are organising it. I don't think you need to be particularly religious (or even at all) to join in (don't quote me on that) - just be full of Festive Cheer. There is a theme of "Darkness into Light" - but let's face it - that can mean practically anything - just use your imagination. If you're stuck for ideas, I'm sure we can help. Personally I don't think you can go wrong with a LOT of fairy lights...

Isn't this just a great thing - for kiddies and phantoms alike?

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Friday, 12 October 2007

That Strange Building in The Old Royal Naval College



Okay, folks, thanks to Anonymous, it is all becoming clear. The strange building I saw last night is actually just made of cardboard or polystyrene or some other flimsy substance and is part of a set for The Duchess, which is about Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire, the 18th Century version of Princess Di. Mr/Ms Anonymous tells me that it will star the omnipresent Kiera Knightly and Ralph Fiennes. Well - there you go.

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Monster Attack!


Just had to show you this horrific scene I witnessed today on the corner of Park Row. The monster with the penguin between its jaws and Spiderman in its lethal grip was on the front of a contractor's truck. Makes a change from silhouettes of naked ladies, I guess...

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Odd things noted last night...

Just by-the-by.

Whilst out a-haunting last night, three odd things came to my attention:

1) If you stare at the Othello Steak House's neon sign as you're walking along on the other side of the road, the two lines seem to move in opposite directions.

2) There is an extra building in between the Painted Hall and The Chapel. It was dark so I couldn't get in to get a closer look, but it looks very 'classical.' A film set, perhaps? Will Nicholas Cage be bursting out of it today, whilst filming his latest blockbuster National Maritime Treasure?

3) The chickens in the Trafalgar Road Tesco are individually security-protected AND monitored by CCTV. Gulp.

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Northanger Abbey

Greenwich Theatre

I am extremely disappointed that a very busy week forced me to wait until last night to see Greenwich Theatre's latest offering. After a slightly-lacklustre season so far (one dud, one cancelled, one not bad and one I just couldn't bring myself to see,) this one is a delightfully frothy piece of Regency nonsense, full of gallant heroes, dastardly villains, silly young girls and even sillier old ladies. The reason I am so disappointed is that the theatre was less than half full and the production doesn't deserve such poor attendance.

Jane Austen and Ann Radcliffe were pretty much exact contemporaries. Okay, so Mrs Radcliffe was born before and died after Jane Austen and The Mysteries of Udolpho was written about 23 years before Northanger Abbey, but even so it's hard not to find Austen's blatant criticism of Gothic potboilers rather bold. It's like Ian McEwan writing a book about how crap Dan Brown is - though probably with less potential of a major court case.

I'm sure that when I read Northanger Abbey, albeit a long, long time ago, there weren't that many direct references to Udolpho; that the Gothic genre as a whole was poked fun at, but if, as I suspect, this production of Northanger Abbey has taken liberties and quoted freely from Radcliffe's creepy classic, then it works very well.

Catherine Moreland, who normally irritates the hell out of me, is a delightfully excitable young girl who reads too many Penny Dreadfuls. Taken to Bath for the season To Find A Husband, she is mistaken for an heiress by several designing coves - not least an ambitious old father and a fabulously swaggering young gallant, who strides and puffs himself around the stage much like Gaston in Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Of course, the man who is to be her true love doesn't care about mere money, but, after an unfortunate misunderstanding where she thinks his father either murdered or locked up his mother, it all goes horribly wrong before the usual happy ending.

What makes this production work is the way that both Jane Austen and Ann Radcliffe's works are referenced. The action is punctuated with lurid extracts from the book that Catherine's reading (The Mysteries of Udolpho, of course) which really helps to make her wild imagination come to life. (I thought they must have trawled through that doorstop of a novel to have found quotes like that, but when I got home, I took my copy off the shelf and opened it at random. It really is stuffed full of skeletons, dark passages and creepy counts - they may well have just opened the book at the first page they found...)

The script is, for the most part, very witty, making full use of any saucy double-entendres they could find - "Shall we play with the puppies before tea, Mr Tilney?" - though it does slow in a few places. But then, if I'm honest, so does the novel, which is one of my least-favourite Austens. And for me it went on ever so slightly too long. Ever since the BBC's Pride & Prejudice, every Austen adaptation has to have a compulsory wedding - which, frankly, I could lose (at least it's not as bad as the American ending of the recent P&P movie, which had me cringing with embarrassment only slightly less than the actors themselves. "Mrs Darcy, Mrs Darcy, Mrs Darcy..." Jane Austen must have been spinning in her grave at that bit of dialogue.)

I really liked the clean, Regency lines of the 8-door set and the simple-but effective costumes work extremely well (even the doubling of the actor who plays John Thorpe as the taciturn Captain Tilney complete with chocolate soldier's uniform and an only slightly dodgy moustache.) The production manages to stay both true to the book and to gently poke fun at the gothic genre, which is not as easy to pull off today as it would have been in the early 19th Century when it was much more universally known. I recommend this play, though I guess I should warn you chaps that this is, essentially, quite a girly piece. There might have been more-or-less equal numbers of men and women in the audience but I'll wager the women enjoyed it slightly more than the men.

Go see. It's sweet, fun, frothy stuff, delightful escapism to a world where a girl dropping her hanky is enough to put everyone into a swoon...

Northanger Abbey is on until Saturday 13 October.

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Thursday, 11 October 2007

Historic Regeneration Schemes


With all this talk about various regeneration schemes I've been wondering what had gone on before in Greenwich - it's clearly not the result of gentle and gradual change.

It seems to me that poor old Greenwich been petted and poked since the beginning. Anywhere that is in between two shipbuilding towns (Deptford and Woolwich) and has housed sundry Royal and noble palaces is going to be variously 'improved' - with nearly always the same classic intention - to kick out the hoi-poloy and gentrify the area. The same bit of land seems to have been reused again and again. The Old Royal Naval College stands on the ruins of at least two royal palaces; the Royal Observatory on the site of Duke Humphrey's Tower.

But the biggest regeneration scheme that happened before the 1990s was the grand "Improvement Scheme" of the early 19th Century. This was the point when the population was suddenly taking a big hike from sleepy village whose only real industry apart from fishing seems to have been servicing the hospital to acquiring a few pretensions. One or two 'nice' developments had already sprung up - Gloucester Circus for example - and the gentry living in the 'nice' houses wanted a town centre to match their aspirations.

This was the point when The Royal Naval College started to buy up all the little medieval streets around the centre of Greenwich - yes, the same trust who own it today and are behind the new proposals. What they really wanted was a Bath of South East London - to try to emulate the amazing Regency squares and circuses of spa towns - and London's West End. John Nash was the big hero, but he was pricey and then, as now, the Hospital was keen to save cash. But hey! Suddenly it dawned on them. They already had an architect - their surveyor Joseph Kay. He was bound to be able to come up with something.

This must have been Kay's big chance. He was being given permission to raze the existing structures and redesign from scratch - a bit like the site of the Old Greenwich District Hospitaltoday. His employers had a wish-list, of course. They wanted the traffic system improved, they wanted a nice new market place, and they wanted it to look cool (any of this sound familiar?)

And I've got to say - he did rise to the occasion. He didn't do it all at once, so Greenwich was a bit of a building site for years (ahem - do I hear the cogs of history turning full-circle here...?)His big idea was to send the traffic around a new marketplace (it had originally been over nearer Greenwich Pier, I believe.) The first phase of building was between 1829 and 31 when he built Nelson Road and College Approach - two smart roads, one leading to the entrance to the naval Hospital, the other taking the main road out to Woolwich. These two are easily the prettiest of the four around the market place; one or two of the shops in Nelson Road still have little wrought-iron numbers above them which are very cute indeed.

Kay sandwiched the market between these two roads, with the classical entrance in College Approach. I'm always fascinated by Turnpin Lane, by the way, which, correct me if I'm wrong, is one of the old original medieval passages, which just never got regenerated, one of the reasons it's so dark and narrow. All Kay did was give it a funky entrance to keep the outside line consistent.

He added the section on Greenwich Church Street, presumably so that Nicholas Hawksmoor's splendid new version of St Alfeges (long campaigned-for) could be shown off in style.

The second stage, in 1843, seems to have been a bit of a filling-in job - King William Walk and odds and sods of extras in Greenwich Church Street - just to join up the dots. Most of the style is very classical -