Stockwell Street Development.

Thought I'd share a conversation I've been having with Suzana about the plans for Stockwell St Market. Most annoyingly I can't for the life of me remember where I saw the plans for this recently - all I can remember is that I wasn't able to see them very well but that I was staggered by the size of the footprint they intend to take over, erase then redevelop.

Wherever I saw them (and sorry, scratching the head just doesn't seem to work) I am still trying to work out whether and if so just how much I hate them. I so love our scruffy, bitty, funny little market, that to see it all covered over like any other town in Britain hurts me. The plans aren't horrid in themselves - uninspired, maybe, unexciting, definitely. I guess it's what's called progress and since sundry locally influential groups seem to think it's ok, it will be happening. I just think they could have been a bit more - well - interesting.

It's weird, isn't it, that while I would love to see nice, clean streets and excellent shops and services, I would also be truly sad to see what is, if I'm honest, probably the tattiest bit of Greenwich cleaned up. I'm actually rather fond of those grubby old warehouses, that bloomin' awful ex-petrol station and the higgledy-piggledy layout that has evolved over the years. Actually, no - that's not really it. What I will miss is the individuality of the area - the make-do-and-mend feel to the shops, the bizarre mix of stalls, the true one-off feel that even somewhere like Camden can't quite get any more now it's been cleaned up for the weekend goths.

But here's what Suzana thinks:

Im in two minds. When I first came to Greenwich I loved it for the type of people that lived in Greenwich - wanna be actors / singers / mediators / sculptors etc... I met them all (at the Time bar then) and it was one big happy family... And if it had stayed that way - I wouldn't change it for the world. Now - Its lost loads of that.

So, I agree - I will cry when the dirty market gets closed down... but if it closes down and Greenwich changes for 'ever, then lets do it all the way and make Greenwich into a real hot spot - Get more trees on the one way system (and not olive trees - they just wont grow!) and get the Thursday night student spew off the pavements. Lets make it classy but cool - Have you been to the Gypsy Moth?? That is what it should be like (food is great) - or dare I say what they are doing with the Admiral Hardy? (I know Its Inc - but it works well with Greenwich) - more so than Inc itself!...I love Olivers and even the Spread Eagle looks like what the rest of Greenwich should look like... Classy but still Greenwich

To answer your question on the development - I have been promised that the buildings will be in keeping (I have my fingers crossed) and when the shops go it - I hope they are truly first class quirky and high street shops alike - I will protest against any further cheap takeaway - I truly hate them!. I want a mini Richmond in Greenwich (Is that a bad thing?) I think it has all the potential but not sure it has the full backing from Greenwich Council... and unfortunately not the clientele (yet).

Finally, I hope they spend the money needed on the design of the whole Cutty Sark area - It doesn't look good from what I ve seen! But let me know!... and its this sort of stuff that I want to poke my head in and have a say... wish me luck :)

We have to move with the times, but my greatest fear is that they ( the developers; council and all the freeholders ) will get it wrong.......

Phantom Replies:

Hmm. The buildings 'in keeping?' That's a very subjective statement...

I agree with much of what you have to say - not sure about the 'mini Richmond bit' - what I love about Greenwich is that it's not up its own backside, that the people are just that bit more down to earth and diverse than in South West London - but I hear what you're saying. Good luck with joining the fray...

I'm not sure that the Cutty Sark area will directly benefit from the development at Stockwell St (unless it's some kind of Section 106 thingy) but I agree we need something to cheer that concrete nonentity up - maybe they could relocate the Stockwell Street market stalls there ;-)

So anyway - Suzana and I are already chatting - but what do other people think? Is it about time we swept those scruffy market stalls off the face of Greenwich and replaced it with something cool? Or are we doing ok as we are?

Late-night licensing at Bar and Grill

Suzana also asks:

Did you know that the residents surrounding the Greenwich Bar and Grill are opposing the late 1am license scheme. The Appeal was yesterday and today. I would love to know the outcome, as I live near by and have to deal with the drunk and disorderly in front of my home on warm Friday / Sat nights. Let me know if you know... otherwise, I will just knock on a neighbours door and find out.

The Phantom Replies:

I'm assuming you mean Greenwich Inc's Greenwich Park Bar and Grill? Once again at the risk of looking like an ignorant phantom, I didn't know about this, but maybe someone here was at the appeal?

Nevada St Rumours

Suzana asks:

Do you have any idea if the rumour is true that 9 Nevada St -ex book store / antique store, will become a bakery in the near future? It has a To let sign - then changed to Let By. Now its back to 'To-Let' - but not sure if its the shop or the property above?

The Phantom Replies:

No one more than I would like this rumour to be true. That sad little dusty street, given what's on it, its beautiful buildings and its location, should be one of the jewels of Greenwich - instead it's a forgotten backstreet with an almost Dickensian feel, especially at night. Oooh - a proper baker's - lovely. A shop in the centre of Greenwich aimed at local people...

Sadly I haven't heard anything about it - I do hope it's not wishful thinking - someone saying "you know what would be really lovely here..." and the next thing that happens, someone else is reporting it as fact. Anyone else heard this - who can corroborate - or smash - a dream?

Mrs Caudle's Curtain Lectures

Job Caudle, the poor sod, was the ultimate hen-pecked husband; the man who launched a thousand sitcom characters and not a few saucy picture postcards. Born in 1845 to proud parents writer Douglas Jerrold and Mr Punch, he lived for 365 rantings by his terrifying wife, Mrs Caudle, in the world's longest-running satirical magazine.

Every edition of Punch, for many years, had a touching bedroom scene between the happy couple, where she ticked him off for what he had (or hadn't) done that day. It didn't matter whether he had lent his umbrella to a friend, spent an evening playing billiards or joined a club, Job Caudle was on the receiving end of an earful from his wife which had Victorian gents rolling in the aisles.

I found a modern edition of some of Mrs Caudle's Curtain Lectures in a charity shop and although it's not really that funny any more, what can be seen is the seed of a stereotype that endured right up until the birth of feminism and to some extent still exists today. It's also a great social document of what really happened in Victorian London - not the big things - the grand events and the antics of the rich and influential, but the ordinary working and lower-middle class people - the mass.

And why am I including it here? Because one of Mr Caudle's worst transgressions was a visit to the notorious Greenwich Fair. "...and you call yourself a respectable man, and the father of a family!"

Mrs Caudle, fully aware that "all sorts of people" go to Greenwich on Easter and May Bank Holiday, can't decide whether she's more cross that Mr Caudle has gone to this appalling place "at your time of life" or that Mr Caudle didn't take her with him. She knows all about the gross indecencies committed there "...and of course you went up and down the hill, running and racing with nobody knows who," and "I suppose you had your fortune told by the gypsies...and you didn't go riding upon the donkeys?" One by one, Mrs Caudle lists the unique iniquities that went on at Greenwich - which I'll go into on another day - and expounds her opinion "Pah! It's disgusting!"

And that's when you suddenly realise that Mrs Caudle isn't just a bog-standard comedy 'overbearing spouse' - she represents what Victorian Britain was becoming - prudish, domineering and disapproving of anything that smacked of fun. It's also interesting to note that there is also more than a hint of envy in her voice - a subconscious desire to break the chains of 19th Century womanhood, unlace those corsets and tumble down the hill at Greenwich Park with everyone else...

Highland Store

Greenwich covered Market SE10

Has the march of the chains begun? I can't actually tell with this one. The shop that has taken over from the old Tartan Cupboard in the market has a vigorous and very professional website, but it's not Edinburgh Woollen Mill, thank God. The only other branches appear to be in Great Russell St and Portobello Road, so I think we're safe enough for now.

It looks bright enough - white-painted 'driftwood' walls and simple shelves, displaying everything from tartan blankets to baby shoes, bagpipers' hats to books on whisky. I was particularly taken with one of those classic black beret-hats with the red & white check band and the jaunty pom-pom, though I'd probably feel a bit daft wearing it around town. There are lots of the usual jumpers and scarves, some of which are in very sweet pastel shades, and the place does manage to avoid the usual Celtic kitsch that seems to creep into any shop selling Scottish goods south of the border, but I suspect that it's still largely aimed at those tourists that won't make it north of the river, let alone Britain.

I like the scarves that button down them so that you can wear them like a waistcoat for £ 24.99 and I may well be back for a woolly when the weather turns chillier (maybe galoshes would be more suitable at the moment.) And let's face it, it is good to see a new shop (even a miniature chain) in the centre of Greenwich, where the number of dead shops with those 'tasteful' plastic blinds with pictures of the Observatory on is beginning to depress me. But until the sword of Damocles lifts from the future of the market, my guess is that we'll be seeing more closures than openings in Greenwich.

http://www.highlandstore.com/

John Roan School Meeting

OK Folks, indoor language, please...

M asks:

I know that the campaign against the John Roan move recently had a meeting. I've checked their website, and there's no update. Do you have any idea what happened at the meeting and what stage things are at?

The Phantom Replies:

This is one I have deliberately left myself out of, but I bet someone here was there and can help you out. Let's keep this party polite, though, eh...

Favourite Phantom Front Gardens (2)

Maze Hill, SE10

This is about half way down Maze Hill (I couldn't see a number for all the greenery...)

Whoever lives here must spend half their life out the front - the garden is tiny - a few square feet at best -but this hasn't prevented the owners from treating it like some kind of stately home.

On the adjoining side of the semi, well-managed trees create a frame - I'm sure there's a eucalyptus in there, but it's kept under tight control and adds a wispy curtain in front of a maple(?) that's also been heavily-clipped. A date palm and cyprus give it a lush depth which only a serious plantsman would know how to create. At the centre, topiary pom-poms shoot up like a sort of mad green fountain and by the drive there are more well-clipped shrubs. The whole thing is softened by a cascade of annuals and a background of climbing roses and I love it.

It's worth walking past this house for no other reason than its sheer exuberance. These people have not let the fact that they only have a garden the size of a (ladies) handkerchief in which to express themselves get in the way of putting on a display for passers-by that puts the owners of far bigger places to shame. Not a blade of grass is left to chance, not a leaf is out of place, not a rose left un-deadheaded. The colours are restrained, but exquisite and the whole is a country house garden in miniature. It's a complete opposite to the fabulous cottage garden up at St Johns, Favourite Front Gardens (1) but nevertheless a brilliant gem to stumble upon.

I can only guess what the back garden is like, but in the meanwhile, how generous of the owners to give the rest of us a free show...

Old Hospital Site

Anyone got any news about this? I keep getting questions - but frankly, everything seems to have gone a bit quiet in the last few months.

The most recent stuff I heard was in a leaflet I picked up in Vanbrugh Group Practice waiting room, entitled "Heart of East Greenwich" which just tells us all the stuff we already know - that the project by English Partnerships
Click here

had been given over to

First Base and would be the bog-standard collection of "affordable" and unaffordable housing, leisure facilities, library, health centre etc - but the websites have not been updated for some time.

Anyone got any up to date info?

The First Act To Play The Dome

Charlton Average asks:

I'm trying to find out who were the first band to play at the O2.
The Greenwich Times makes it sound like it was that choir of school
children and the Sun's trying to say that it was Tom Jones and/or the
Kaiser Chiefs.

The full details are here:
http://charltonaverage.blogspot.com/2007/06/who-were-first-band-to-
play-o2-arena.html

Do you have any idea who that first band were? If not could you try
and find out? I suspect they were a local band and I really think that they deserve
the credit for doing it.

The Phantom Replies:

Hi CA,

Sadly for some reason I can't log onto your blog at the moment - I'll try again later.

I suspect that it depends on what your point of view is as to who actually played first. According to the delivery guy I met last week who was telling me about his new security job at the Dome, there was a private party hosted by one of the banks the Sunday before the public opening (I think it was a Sunday) and presumably that was when these big acts were playing, for the Z-list celebrities and pissed bank employees (my delivery guy reckons he "saw some sights" - whatever that means...) The first PUBLIC outing would have been, I assume, the kiddies on Wednesday.

That would be my guess, anyway. Anyone else got an imput here who has more than the word of a delivery guy to go on?

Trafalgar Rd/Eastney St Bus Stop

I remember when they first created this little area. Presumably it was created with Section 106 regeneration money (correct me if I'm wrong) and for corporate decor, it wasn't bad. A little paving and landscaping, with low walls and simple shrubs, a couple of not-badly-at-all designed benches, which actually managed to combine vandal-proofing with a modicum of comfort and a row of rather odd concrete balls. It was finished off with little blue lights set in the pavement, which made this simple, once-neglected area look a little more loved.

But, just a few years later, it seems to have reverted to type. The benches are still pretty good and nothing's going to happen to a row of concrete balls. But the shrubs are choked with brambles and not one of those pretty blue lights glows any more - in fact if you look at them they seem to be full of condensation.

I don't get why, when money is put aside for these projects, a little isn't earmarked for their upkeep. This happens time and time again - something nice is created, but once the bigwigs have had their pictures taken opening the things, these little features might as well go whistle.

At worst it's millions of wasted cash (a friend of mine was in charge of a young people's music centre - in another borough, admittedly, but while millions was spent of building a state-of-the-art venue and equipping it with grand pianos, studio and recording equipment, not a penny was kept for actually running the place - after it was officially opened, it NEVER properly opened its doors to the public) at best its a few grand - if only they'd set aside a few quid to look after the Rathmore Benches once they were done, we wouldn't have a modern monument at risk - and in the case of this unassuming little area all it would have taken was an hour or so of the borough gardeners' time and a few light bulbs.

Maybe these 106 arrangements need to be amended to set up 'trust funds' to run the projects created - to finish what they start. After all nothing looks more neglected than something that was once a statement...

What do you think, folks?

Dome Crazy

I can't work out whether I'm pleased to have gone to the Dome's part of the Greenwich and Docklands Festival yesterday or not. On the one hand there was much more open - but on the other it got seriously scary at points.

It's at times like this that what I gather was a day's training for security might not prove to have been enough - though I guess there's nothing like learning on the job...

Basically there were just too many people inside the Dome for safety - probably more that had visited the place in an entire year in 2000. ;-) Vast numbers of people milled round (largely) enjoying the place - and the fabulous acts put on for our delight and delectation. I'm not usually much of a street entertainment fan but the velociraptors and their crazy keeper were just wonderful, and I adored the giant fighting insects operated by hippies on diggers. In fact the bits in the main entrance area were all great - and the bits elsewhere would have been, save for where they were placed. But more on that later...

There was no way we were going to queue for any of the restaurants - though it was in some cases difficult to work out where the queue ended and the melee began - they don't look anything more exciting than most high streets. I daresay I'll test them all out at some point but frankly yesterday was not the time. There were many more open than on Wednesday, but I noticed that further round "Entertainment Avenue" there still seem to be a lot of unsold units so I suspect their policy of "no fast food joints" (save the ones they operate themselves, mind) may not hold out for much longer.

What I was most interested to see was the new cinema, with its largest screen in Europe. They were doing guided tours of the balcony of it (which basically involved someone letting you in, then herding you out.) On the way we checked out the other screens - they all appeared to be universally titchy. A neat marketing idea, though, I thought, selling tickets not at a booth, but at any concession stand...

Screen 11 is impressive - there's no doubting that. Its gigantic, curved mass will make the larger blockbusters look great. But I have serious reservations about this place. Obviously we weren't allowed in the stalls, and we only had a limited amount of time in the balcony, but it was enough for me to discover that the seats, though each coming with their own little table, do not recline, like in the Picturehouse (not terrible, I guess - they look reasonably comfy otherwise.)

But this place's biggest problem is the sightlines. If you are anything below average height (and especially if you're a child) DO NOT sit in the front row. The edge of the balcony will cut off the bottom of the screen. And this:

is the view from the end seat, front row of the side-wings of the balcony - the black bit in the background being the centre of the screen. The seats next to it have a slightly better view, as do the ones just behind it, but several sightlines are BADLY affected by the safety rails. The problem is reflected on the other side.

How did a NEW cinema manage to create such atrocious sightlines in their premium seats?

Be very, very careful when you book. Sadly I wasn't allowed in there long enough to be able to work out the seat numbers of these really bad positions and there's no seating plan on the net, but my advice is BEWARE. We weren't allowed in the stalls, so I don't know what the situation is there, but my confidence is already shaken.

It was further shaken when we tried to leave. In their infinite wisdom, the organisers had placed one of the fixed shows at the bottom of the escalators and a massive crowd had gathered. The poor Stepford Staff, nice though they were, were totally unable to cope as the numbers swelled way beyond safety levels. They panicked and started to block off areas to the point where there was gridlock. No one could move in any direction.

Now I don't generally have any problems with crowds or claustrophobia, but this started to get a bit scary. It really began to be problematic when one total idiot decided that he wasn't going to wait patiently to get out like everyone else, and started shouting and pushing. He was pushing and shouting so much and the crowd was so packed that the whole seething mass started to sway. People started to tell him off, and he just shouted back "I don't care - shut up and get out of my way."

At that moment, back on the stage, a splendidly camp dance group started shimmying around in lurex Madonna outfits and oiled, naked torsos on giant coloured swans to I Am What I Am, like some surreal soundtrack.

The atmosphere was suddenly extremely dangerous, and it occurred to me that at points like this you only need one total wanker for a riot to start. And that total wanker was behind me. There were small children in this crush and this git was throwing his weight around pretty much literally, crushing anyone who got in his way. It was getting pretty nasty and the staff just didn't have the skills to deal with it.

I did what I could - every time he crashed into me I made sure I didn't move my elbow for him. It didn't do much to stop him (he was too fat and my elbow just sank in) but I like to think it slowed him down a bit. Any longer and I think someone would have got seriously hurt, but at this point the staff decided that trying to corral a mob needed more than one day's training and just let go, the effect being something like peas being popped out of a pod.

I'd had enough. We battled our way out of the place, still feeling a little heady - the O2 could very easily have had a fatality and acquired itself some interesting "Curse of the Dome"-type headlines this morning. What the hell were they doing, putting a fixed show in the middle of a thoroughfare?

We got to the bus stop and it seems that the rest of the contents of the Dome and decided to do the same thing. There were about 200 people waiting at Bus Stop C - and not one single bus waiting to go. We waited ten minutes or so, but the people joining the crowd kept coming and the buses didn't. I couldn't face another melee (no one queues at North Greenwich, have you noticed?) and we went to the tube, travelled one stop to Canary Wharf, then got the DLR back to Greenwich. All in all an eye opener of an afternoon. Heaven knows what it would have been like if it hadn't been raining...

It's a shame, because the acts were great. I'll leave you with a Velociraptor to show there's no (well, not many) hard feelings...

BP Garage /M&S Simply Food

Trafalgar Road, SE10

The trio of mini supermarkets along Trafalgar is complete now that M&S Simply Food has opened at the BP garage, but I still see no real reason to abandon hope that we'll get some more proper, specialist shops to go with Theatre of Wine and The Fishmonger at some point.

M&S IS convenience food. One of the reasons they always managed to look so much better turned-out than the rest is that while Tescos and the Co-Op attempt, in the measly few square metres they have, to be all things to all shoppers, piling their shelves high with thirty different cereals, washing powders and flour-brands, M&S merely dabbles, turning over the bulk of their space to attractively-presented ready-meals, sandwiches, wraps and immaculate, individually-packaged pieces of show-fruit and vegetables.

Their aisles are well-spaced and the shape of their chillers is such that they feel open and inviting, rather than claustrophobic, and a first time, casual visitor can happily toddle around filling their baskets with nice little treats and a spot of something to bung in the microwave for tonight.

But woe betide anyone who would actually like to do any serious cookery from scratch. They do premium cuts of meat (and fish - shame on anyone who buys it, mind, when they could walk a few steps up the road and get personal, informed service from a real fishmonger for the same kind of money) and a limited selection of veg - it will do you in an emergency, but try doing it too often and you'll end up seriously short of basics - the fiddly ingredients and store-cupboard staples - and your pocket will start to whine in agony.

In their defence, M&S aren't actually TRYING to be a grocery store. They're a supermarket within a garage, and they are, to be fair, a marked improvement on what was there before. The food is superb, there's no doubt about it, and even walking up to the place, after paying for your petrol, there is a neater, smarter look about the place.

The usual piles of barbecue equipment and charcoal are just that little bit neater, the newspapers just that little bit more regimented. Even the bits that don't 'belong' to M&S - the counter and the Wild Bean Cafe which I'm afraid I couldn't bring myself to try, it brings back far too many memories of motorway services and dismal long-distance journeys, seem that little bit cleaner; the lads' mags tucked into the little bars for truckers to stand at while enjoying their beverage just that little bit less rank than on the M1


As a family treat or for the locally-based bachelor who just wants to stick a gastropub ready meal in a microwave, this little M&S is fab, and I cannot put my hand up and say I don't do it myself on a more-regular-than-I-like-to-admit basis. But as a regular buy, in my humble opinion it is all a bit over-packaged and a tad on the pricey side. There's still plenty of room for a good bakers, a proper greengrocer, a decent butcher, Andrekabu's stationery shop....

Coffee Cellar

Turnpin Lane, SE10

"The best coffee in Greenwich"

That's quite a boast, given the sheer number of cafes - both in the town centre and the surrounding streets, but it's boldly stated outside this tiny little bolthole in one of Greenwich's most curious alleyways. It's a challenge that at least doesn't go unnoticed.

The weird thing is that in many ways I hadn't really noticed, until relatively recently, the cleverly titled Coffee Cellar, next door to JOY's back entrance (oooh-err, missus),despite the fact that it must have been here for years. Either this curious place used to be something else back in the swinging sixties (from the decor I'd say that was the date of its last refit) or that's as long as its owner has been lurking in the darkness here.

Turnpin Alley is narrow and gloomy, brightened only by its funky little shops - Red Door, Daisy Cakes Bake etc. - and it isn't a natural first choice to sit at the tiny little tables outside, craning to find the last remaining rays of sun. Besides, what makes this place so interesting is its unreconstituted 1960s (early 70s, perhaps?) interior.

Upstairs, the minute shop is painted in muted buff, peppered with stools and a little bar against the banister of the staircase leading down to a lounge-area, also small, and pleasingly scruffy, with low chairs and tables, to be peeked at through a circular window. In itself nothing particularly special.

What really makes this place cool is the tiny little hutch right at the back, from which the coffee is dispensed. The serving hatch to it is also circular but, in suitably psychedelic fashion, the walls behind it are in fabulous mottled-orange mosaic tiles - the closest Greenwich gets to a Mod coffee bar. I'd put money on it's being original, and can almost smell the Vespa oil. A photo of the owner from days gone by gives another clue that I was just unobservant in the past. Service is friendly, and although the guy installed in the kiosk-bit at the back seemed at first taciturn, I got a big smile halfway through my coffee that brought a warm glow to my heart (ahhh...)

What I like about this place is that it has clearly evolved (a very tiny bit) rather than being 'created' like modern "theme bars." A place that had been 'styled' would have, in the niche above the stairs for example, a funky Mod phone or display of 1960s kitsch. What it actually has is a kettle and two equally unremarkable canisters. A theme bar wouldn't include modern metal racks for an odd assortment of organic goods in the window. And yet, somehow it's absolutely ok here. The walls have displays of local artists' work - there's currently some stunning photos of the moon in Greenwich Park and sundry musicians by local photographer Idris de Angeli. I happily passed the time reading from the selection of What's On leaflets which appeared to be quite different from those I've seen in other places. I found a couple of things I'll be checking out later from them.

And the coffee? Well it certainly is very good. The best in Greenwich? I'm not sure. More research needs to be done...

First Sight of the O2

The Millennium Dome, SE10


A couple of days ago a delivery guy I don't know spent ten minutes on my doorstep telling me how he'd got a new job at the O2 and how fantastic it all was. I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone so excited about getting a job anywhere. He raved and raved about how he'd felt special and talked about a training day they'd had where they'd all been told how they were 'the first'... I was delighted to listen to him - and delighted for him - to see such joy at getting a job is something in itself.

Love it or hate it - we've all been fascinated to see what Anschutz Entertainment Group would do with London's biggest white elephant.

So, finally last night , a local preview for local people, an enjoyably chaotic evening of poking around half-finished streets and buildings - and, frankly, marvelling that they could fit an arena of quite such a size into a Dome that doesn't look that big from the outside...

My first thought about the entire evening is not to do with the Dome itself. It is that the buses are not going to be able to cope. Now admittedly this was probably the biggest concentration of Greenwich residents that will ever grace the Dome at one time - but the buses were stupidly packed. Perhaps Anschutz would like to chip-in on some extra services...

We wandered, slack-jawed, round the massive foyer like a bunch of country yokels who'd come up to the big city for the first time. It's not finished, of course. There are some bits that have a sort of art deco feel to them, complete with waving palms and imitation blossom-covered trees, but elsewhere the rough edges show a little. Outside restaurants, ferns are still wrapped in plastic;from their signs, wires still loop down.

There are shiny deco-esque doors, like the entrance to some 1920s department store, and towering geometrically-shaped frontages - especially the entrance to what will be the cinema, with its largest-screen-in-Europe - I can see a Hollywood-style premiere or two up those steps, especially in winter when the weather in Leicester Square is not always akin to that of LA.


But there are great monolithic walls that are still covered in pipes and heating ducts, iron frames and wires, which makes the whole thing look a bit like something out of Terry Gilliam's Brazil. For a moment, I wondered whether it was intentional - gritty industrial art, next to the slick retro deco stuff, but I don't think it's that deep. This is corporate and American - irony does not come into it.

Most of the restaurants aren't open yet, and very little of the Bond Street-length Entertainment Avenue was open (don't look at the pavements, eh...) but we are promised that much more will be finished on Sunday when the Greenwich and Docklands Festival reaches the Dome.

We savoured the moment, doing a lap around the outside of the arena before going in, which gave us a chance to see just how much there is still to do. There are still acres of land to be turned into ways to spend our cash, but all around the outside of the arena there are already plenty of food stands - everything from pizza to Chinese food and a carvery. I was surprised that the exterior is quite gritty - made of breezeblock with halogen lighting, as opposed to the slickness of the street below, but I guess that by the time they've got 20,000 people all piling in efficiency is what they're after, not beauty.

No opportunity to view those notorious corporate boxes - I guess we'll all have to suck up to Greenwich Council if we want to get in one of them...

The arena is VAST. The stage is almost dwarfed by the sheer size of it, and the kiddies from local primary schools who were singing on it were also suitably tiny. There's not much else to say about it. The sound seemed good, and a LCD display that was whizzing around announced that every single seat had been specially engineered for the best possible aural experience. I find that a little hard to believe, but hey - I suppose anything's possible. If you're at the back you might want to bring some opera glasses, and a woolly might not go amiss either, the air-con is quite fierce.

But perhaps what struck me most about the whole O2 experience was the almost evangelical welcome from the new staff. This wasn't at "have a nice day" levels - this was a passion that, after a while started to feel slightly scary. In an almost Stepford Staff moment, ordinary workers were raving about the place, smiling, helping, grinning. They didn't just explain what was going to go on in their little area, but they told us about everything that was going to happen everywhere in the building. A couple of them, like my delivery man, mentioned their "training day." What the hell went on there? Some kind of hysterical Billy Graham-style mass revival? Strange injections of a peculiar purple fluid administered by men in white coats? The full brain-wash? Whoever took that training day knew what they were doing.

Whatever it is, it is actually quite touching to see people - from security staff to ushers - genuinely excited about working for a new project. It added a little frisson to my experience too.

I think it can work - and, after the initial curiosity, I don't think that it will have an adverse effect on Greenwich herself. She is a different animal, appealing to different people. The Picturehouse, for example, with its quirky programming, will have nothing to fear from the giant cinema once everyone's been once.

Though at the kind of prices they're going to be charging I can't see myself a regular attendee, at the new-look Dome, I'll be there on Sunday to see what other marvels are unveiled...


Kiddies onstage in the arena

The Greenwich Time Lady (s)

It's all very well having fabulously accurate timekeeping at the Observatory. It's even ok if you're anywhere near enough to Greenwich to be able to see the Time Ball being dropped once a day at 1.00pm. But what if you're a clockmaker in the City, making state-of-the-art timepieces, but can't actually set your watches in the first place?

Back in 1836, the astronomers at the Observatory were getting sick and tired of getting right to the middle of an exciting experiment, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door by some oik wanting to know the time. Their solution was to get one of their assistants to do it for them - to actually take Time to the people - pretty much literally.

John Henry Belville would set his chronometer (which had originally been gold-cased and made for the Duke of Sussex; Belville had it re-cased in silver to deter the pickpockets of London) and trudge round from railway station to clockmakers telling them the time for a small subscription. It's interesting to note that he was uncomfortable using his real name, shortening it to 'John Henry,' because of the anti-French feeling at the time - you only have to think of the only remaining Antigallican pub, in Charlton to understand that. But his was a popular service and he continued it until his death in 1856.

His widow, Maria, carried on, and the walking must have done her good as she only gave it up when she died in her 80s. Her daughter, Ruth took over the family business in 1892 and became the best-known of the Greenwich Time Ladies. Her routine, like her job, was rigid as clockwork. Every Monday she would climb that hard pull up to the Observatory and set her chronometer, Arnold (because it was made by John Arnold & Son) before setting off to visit each of her subscribers in turn.

Enter the dastardly St John Wynne. I can just see him now, top hat gleaming, cloak swirling, twirling his sinister Edwardian moustache in a silent movie come to life.

He gave a speech to bigwigs in The City in 1908 which was (almost) faithfully reported by The Times, where he suggested that not only was Ruth Belville's service amusing, quaint and old fashioned, but that as a female she might well have been able to gain access to the Astronomer Royal where a male couldn't, nudge, nudge...

The first she knew about this was when she was besieged by reporters wanting to get all the dirt on this saucy woman who got her time by nefarious means. What The Times had failed to report, of course, was that St John Wynne was from her arch rival, a telegraph company, who were trying to sell the new-fangled idea of electrical clocks to the City dignitaries. His speech was a classic example of a smear-campaign.

Years later, this sturdy woman, who survived, presumably through that good old-fashioned concept of personal customer service, was to write that far from being disadvantageous, once the scandal had died down a bit and she was no longer considered The Scarlet Woman of Time, it had actually been fantastic publicity and she got loads of new work out of it.

She survived not only St John Wynne's slurs, but also the widespread introduction of telegraphic communication, and even the BBC radio pips, only retiring in 1940. Time finally caught up with this remarkable woman at the ripe old age of 90, four years later.

Logging-in

This is one for you lot, really...

Sean says:

I'm having real trouble logging in - I've gone through the process of changing my password, but still can't log in after the word verification. Is this just me being a luddite or have other people reported a simular problem?

The Phantom replies:
I don't know - at the risk of looking like I'm passing the buck, I suspect this is a Blogger problem, rather than one at my end. Is anyone else having trouble?

Alacosta Coffee

Trafalgar Road, SE10

As a coffee shop in a location already saturated with cafes, you have to make an effort just to keep up. In just a couple of blocks there must be half a dozen cafes - Point Zero, Channers and The Trafalgar to name just a few - and even with the demise of Shamrock, there are still enough takeaways and pubs in those few metres of Trafalgar Road to dizzy the would-be coffee drinker...

Alacosta isn't instantly visible - it's one of those places I don't always notice. It's the same height as all the other shops, of course, but there's somehow something 'low-lying' about it which slips under the radar. Now I sit here to write I can't remember whether I stepped down into it or not (probably not) but it felt like I did.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. I like a cafe that's warm and dark and womb-like and there is definitely something cosy about the interior here. The walls are orange-painted panelling and there are, if I remember, smoky, deco-shaped mirrors on the walls. The reason I can't recall too well is because I was instantly drawn by the fact that there was a garden out the back. I ordered by the counter (which was pleasingly piled with cakes, biscuit brands I had never heard of and, in the chiller, interesting sandwich fillings) and toddled straight out back.

What do you do with a back yard the size of a box-room surrounded by other, equally tiny gardens, overlooked by buildings and facing North? Alacosta have done their best. They've clearly recently enclosed the place with new fence panels and (perhaps somewhat hastily) erected decking - probably the best option for this awkward space. There are signs apologising for the uneven steps and the lack of railings around it, which makes me think they're intending to put these things right - and one or two of the chairs do look a little close to the edge.

There are a couple of parasols and some tubs of flowers, and the sight of a few nodding pansies goes some way to softening the hard landscaping which is still that very orange colour of newly-treated fencing. It's spoilt a bit by the plastic flowers also tucked in there, and I don't think that Christmas tree by the back gate will ever manage another season (it has the unfortunate effect of one that was just shoved in the back after the festive season - and would do better planted out somewhere) - what would really make a big difference here would be some tall, graceful bamboo - it would suit this space very well.

But, oh damn, I've done my usual thing of going off on one about the decor without discussing the food. The sandwiches are fine - nothing special, but still with plenty of filling and served with a smile. My tea was also served with a smile, but was a rather weak until I got to the bottom where I found the teabag lurking, so squashed that it hadn't had a chance to brew. Of course they're not alone in doing that. Have none of these places heard of a teapot?

Apart from the teabag thing, Alacosta is really quite a good little caff. The service is very sweet indeed, they've made an effort with the decking out back and the food's not bad at all. Its real problem is that it is virtually opposite The Trafalgar Cafe, whose dishes are much more substantial (real 'meals' as opposed to a quick bite) and whose reputation is justly deserved.

Cutty Sark Visitors Centre...

...Or what's left of it, anyway. It is, of course, that strange tent-thing that looks like a cross between an albino hedgehog and a baked Alaska next to the burnt-out carcass of the poor old Cutty Sark.

I blame myself for not being able to fully talk about this exhibition. I knew it was on, but thought I had months to see it in and just never got round to going before the tragic events of May 21. I know at least one person who reads this managed to get there, so I will appreciate extra fillings-in on the bits we can't see at the moment.

The actual tent wasn't totalled, but you only have to step inside the entrance to see where the heat affected it. What looks like little cigarette burns are dotted around all over it, where bits of burning ash fell all over it. I'm not entirely sure why they haven't re-opened all of it if it's only scorched; maybe the structure's not as sound as it looks.

For fairly obvious reasons, they have decided to open the entrance though. The figurehead, Nannie, is strategically placed in the doorway to draw in visitors and there is a loop tape of a little docco, which uses news footage and extra scenes to explain what happened and what they have available so far about the recovery project. There's not much more than we already know at the moment - that they hope to restore her, that the iron frame is a little buckled but not as bad as they'd feared, and that it's going to cost squillions more, so give, give, give.

The rest of the bit you can get into for now consists of a giant sea chest with a glass lid and a slot for cash, and a shop. Most of the stuff is the usual tat, but one or two of the cards are nice. They're also selling salt (the idea being that her biggest problem - before the fire, natch, was that her timbers were full of salt; if people buy some, the problem slowly goes away. Presumably it's not the same salt...) But it's surely worth a tenner in the box to be able to glimpse down King William Walk and glimpse those masts and ropes and flags again...

One final thing - don't you think they'd get more cash if they built a little viewing platform so that visitors could look in and see the extent of the damage down below instead of peering though the padlock-hole in the door?

School Terms in Greenwich Borough

AndreKabu asks:

I heard a rumour that Greenwich Borough schools will be going to four terms a year starting September. Can anyone via your site confirm or deny?

The Phantom replies:

I am not the one to ask about this - but I bet there's someone here who will know. Unfortunately for you, Andrekabu, you're usually the one I'd expect to know about that kind of thing, but there are plenty of other parents/parent governors around, hopefully they'll know.

Frankly, I'd be very surprised if this is true - I would expect a major change like that to be flagged up months in advance - and I find it very unlikely that it hasn't slipped out before now if it is going to happen. Teachers, for one, would surely know by now, as their contracts would have been changed. It would have found its way into the TES or the Education Guardian and 'debates' would have happened. I think it would be very difficult for Greenwich Council to 'spring' that one on parents without any consultation - or even hints. There's the whole thing about exams and assessment too - terms would need to be organised around them.

But I never cease to be amazed at what I'm wrong about - on a daily basis. Does anyone have any ideas? And would it be a good idea?

HMS Ark Royal

Moored at Greenwich as part of the Falklands War Commemorations. Whatever you think, it's worth a look...

Marcet Books

Sad news, Folks.

Martin Kemp at the delightful Marcet Books has finally decided he's had enough. His health has been not so good recently and what with the well-documented rent rises in the covered market, he's decided to give up and retire.

He's currently selling all his stock at half price - good news in the short-term, very bad news in the long term. For such a minute bookstore there are vast amounts of fascinating volumes and he reckons he has plenty more downstairs.

It will take a couple of weeks for him to go (I assumed months when he told me, but no - he's expecting to go within weeks.) I can't imagine that little alley off Turnpin Lane without it. Add that to the demise of Essential Music, and the fact that Greenwich Inc now control three of the four corners of the place, and there is not much to be cheerful about in Greenwich Market just now.

Test

I'm having trouble blogging this morning folks. Normal service will resume blah blah blah...

Tesco

Trafalgar Road, SE10

What can I say? It's a Tesco's - you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. This one follows much the same lines as every other store from here to Beijing, and they certainly pile those shelves high.

Trouble is, I'd say they got a bit on the greedy side, given the size available at Trafalagar Road, and put in one aisle too many. The shelves are stacked literally to the roof (I don't fancy any short people's chances at getting down some of those bottles of fizzy pop, )but there's so little room between them that traffic jams and mild irritation are inevitable, even on a short trip.

There is, as I say, plenty in there, piles of pasta, pizza, ready-meals, cereals and cans (though a pleasingly paltry amount of fish - nothing to scare our lovely new fishmonger, also very little meat - if anyone's thinking of starting a butchers...) but it really was a little too packed to the gills for me (sorry that pun wasn't intended.)

Slightly annoyingly there isn't a loose vegetable in sight. They're all packaged up into neat plastic bags with bar codes on - presumably for ease at the checkout, but not very environmentally friendly - and I ended up having to buy far more than I needed or wanted. I will be shopping for veg elsewhere now that I've done my obligatory phantasmagorical shop.

The convenience foods are what a shop this size does best and there are a lot of sandwiches, filled rolls and crisps, which will presumably make the bulk of their sales - and profits - there's a lot of cash to be had in sandwiches. The usual fillings.

The checkout is efficient. I tried out the self-service one, better than the one in Sainsburys which doesn't seem to be able to scan a single thing without telling the world there's an unexpected item in your bagging area. The Tesco one scanned everything perfectly - not a single mistake at any point.

The big question is not whether specialist shops like the Fishmonger or Theatre of Wine will be affected here. You're either the kind of person who buys their wares or you aren't - you're not suddenly going to be swayed by a bottle of £ 2.99 plonk if Threshers hasn't already got you. Ditto the small grocers with interesting vegetables displayed outside - their core market will stay too. The question is whether Iceland and the Co-Op will survive the competition.

The Co-Op , if you remember, had a bit of a spruce-up a couple of months ago in anticipation of the the new kid coming to live on the block. I can't say I was wildly impressed with the results - it's a bit brighter but the checkout system is lousy and Radio Co-Op is straight out of the bad bit of the 70s.

But Tescos has not upped the ante enough in my humble opinion to make it a straight knockout. The aisles are meanly-spaced and the place is so cluttered with bounty that it makes your head spin. just as you're trying to reach for a tin on the top shelf someone in a hurry is trying to elbow past at the same time that a bloke stocking up for his corner shop aims a trolley at your ankles(what's a shop this size doing with a trolley in the first place, I wonder?) The overall feel is too claustrophobic for me.

Sadly the Co-Op has the opposite problem - often badly (or not at all) re-stocked once shelves are empty and with a strange, scruffy, lost look about it, like that kid at school that no matter how neat and tidy he left his mum in the morning always looked like he'd been dragged through a hedge by the time he'd got to school. Both stores seem to be hankering after the fancy goods market, with fripperies such as whoopee cushions and cheap kiddie toys cluttering the place up, instead of just providing some really good food. And Iceland - well, Iceland always seems to have a "just about to close down" feel to it.

Tescos is ok, for a Tescos. Er, that's it.

I'm sad to report, Supermarket Nirvana has not been reached in Trafalgar Road. Yet. We will have to see what the M&S at the BP garage turns up in the Clash of the Retail Titans to find out if they hit the mark any more squarely. In the meanwhile my fave place for groceries remains La Salumeria - enjoy it while you can...

MRF Recycling Plant

The trash from a small part of one morning's collection

Nathan Way, SE28

Don't you wonder what happens to all your recycling once it goes into that blue-topped bin? It just doesn't feel right that it all goes in one bin, unsorted. How do they do it? I had imagined a little team of Ooompa Loompas sorting it all out, then wondered whether they used convicts from Belmarsh (complete with stripy outfits and balls & chains around their ankles...) Someone told me that they shipped it all to China - you know the sort of rumours that go round.

Then I heard that you could put your name down to go on a tour around the MRF plant (Materials Recycling Facility) and - well - who could resist? It took over a year for my name to turn up on the list, but it really is worth doing.

It is actually like some alternate universe version of the chocolate factory - what Willy Wonka would have built if he was into waste management. As you go in, the are lorries bringing the contents of Greenwich's blue bins - a gigantic mountain of the stuff every day. The sheer size of that mountain is extraordinary - and a sobering thought.

First of all it's fed into a terrifying-looking machine called a bag-splitter. This is something out of a cartoon - giant revolving knives ripping and shredding the sacks that we put our stuff into and loosening the contents. The sort of thing that Roger Rabbit would be straining with hands, feet and ears to avoid being pushed into by Judge Doom.

It all then goes into what looks like a gigantic tumble dryer, a Trommel Screen - it's full of gusts of air which blows out all the loose paper and light bits of plastic, sending the heavier stuff along on a conveyor belt past a massive magnet, which picks up all the ferrous metal - tin cans etc. The heavy stuff goes onto the Ballistic Separator (I forgot to say that all the machines have James Bond villain-type names) which sorts out aluminium - which is bounced off the magnet into another box. All that's left is glass and plastic.

Next comes the Piercer-Crusher Unit (see what I mean about the names) which does exactly that - pierces the plastic and crushes the glass, which is sieved out into vats below. The plastic goes onto a 21st Century piece of kit which identifies densities of plastic using infra-red beams.

Anything that's left over trundles along on a conveyor belt for the only humans in the place to check over manually. Frankly there's not much left. Everything gets baled up and sold - which helps to keep the costs down. Another thing that keeps down rates is that the plant takes in recycling from other boroughs at commercial rates.

And what does it go to?

Cardboard - corrugated card for packaging

Newspaper - reused as newspaper

Other paper - recycled as - you've guessed it - paper

Metals - can be many things such as aeroplane and car parts

Glass - crushed and used for road building in South East London

Plastics - fleece fabric, CD cases, work surfaces and, in a pleasingly cyclical twist, wheelie bins

After you've handed in your hard hat and come back for a cup of tea and a biscuit the guy talks about all the new moves and things they're planning and answers questions, more candidly than I had expected. We were given nice notebooks made out of recycled paper, pencils made out of old CDs and a splendid pencil sharpener in the shape of a wheelie bin which is the envy of all who see it.

I heartily recommend a visit - a most unusual day out - but utterly fascinating. You'll have to wait - stick your name on the list and you will get there eventually. The place doesn't smell, by the way - that's mixed dry recyclables for you. It's quite dusty - you come out wanting a shower - but not horrid.

You can put your name on the list by emailing recycling@greenwich.gov.uk

Mr Chung

166 Trafalgar Road, SE10

Another one of those lovely, homely restaurants that I've been meaning to write about for absolutely ages and kept forgetting to do.

Mr Chung looks ever-so-slightly out of place in the tatty parade of shops along Trafalgar Road. It's been there for ever, so the sign does look a little faded (though not bad at all) but the lovely stone Dogs of Fo outside and the little window boxes which, in spring especially, bring a little floral happiness to a concrete-ridden, traffic-clogged highway, stay fresh and never seem to get vandalised (ooh - maybe I'm tempting fate here... nah - I don't think the kind of meatheads who do that kind of thing read this kind of thing...)

Inside, the fresh pale green walls and simple, traditional pictures give a peaceful feel rather than the often dizzying 'Oriental' clutter you get in many Chinese restaurants. The menu, too, is simple and includes the classic dishes, but also a few unusual ideas and others that you think are unusual because they're actually executed well (the steamed scallops are probably the best things on the menu, IMHO.) The meat dishes are succulent and well-flavoured, with interesting dips and dressings.

Vegetarian choices in Chinese restaurants often tend to be plates of boring, slimy vegetables covered in mono sodium glutamate goo which veggies have to miserably suck while everyone else tucks into the crispy duck. I don't know whether Mr Chung actually uses MSG but it's never hit me as a big ingredient even if he does. Whether meat, veg or seafood, the flavour of the ingredients themselves shine through.

Mr Chung himself is a erudite, elegant omnipresence benignly overseeing the operations in what looks like a clean, well-run kitchen - the chefs always seem to be smiling, which I usually tend to take as indicative of rather more than mere mirth.

I would never argue that Mr Chung is fine dining. But it does what it does very well indeed. And what it does is good-quality, well-presented food for an informal, local meal with friends. And for me, lovely though fine dining is, having such eateries (or even better, a selection of such eateries) is far more important on a day-to-day basis.

Thames Gateway Bridge

I was talking to someone just now who's been talking to someone in the loop about the new Thames Gateway bridge. Apparently it is most definitely coming - largely funded by tolls at the Dartford Crossing, and the thing that's been holding it up has been delicate negotiations between The Port of London - who want the bridge as high as possible so ships can get under it and London City Airport who want it as low as possible so that aircraft don't crash into it. Things have been tense, I understand, and the agreement they have come to gives the bridge a mere six metres leeway either way...

And in case anyone was holding out for the rumoured extra tunnel at the Peninsula (where the David Beckham Tomato Polytunnel is) going over to Canning Town, forget it. It ain't happening. I'm not surprised - it's a possible tunnel - but with no way to get traffic to it - or from it the other end, it's largely pointless and would only add to the Blackwall queues.

The Tfl site reckons that work will begin in 2010 and the bridge will open in 2013. The public suggested tolls are £ 1 for local residents. Hmm.... we'll see.

That's all the news that's fit to print just now, folks. I'll keep my ear to the ground for any extras.

258 Creek Road Once More

I've just seen an article in the News Shopper about David Herbert and his plight against the developers who loom vulture-like over his house. I know some people were asking what they could do against a bunch of builders who can't be bothered to find a way to include an historic house and a spot of green in their plans, and Greenwich Council, who can't be bothered to make them.

He has started a petition to save a green space at the Creek Road Development here:

gopetition.co.uk/petitions/keep-greenwich-green.html

Just thought you'd like to know...

Ironing companies

Richard asks:

I cant take it any more... dont suppose you could recommend someone/somewhere in Greenwich centre to do ironing, either in or to collect???

The Phantom replies:

My best recommendation is to do as I do - no ironing at all. I just don't buy everyday stuff that requires pressing, arguing that if I have to press a special occasion garment then I won't care, because I'll be so excited about the event...

Seriously, you can buy workshirts from John Lewis and, I think, M&S, which are called something like "easycare cotton" (might be "carefree cotton") which, if you stick it on a hanger the moment it comes out of the machine will dry perfectly acceptably.

If you really want razor creases and absolutely flat stuff, then I have definitely seen laundry collecting companies around but I erase them from my memory - the idea of ironing is too traumatic...

Bet there's someone here who knows a good one though. Good luck.

Stitches & Daughters

Greenwich Mutiny says:

It appears the owner is retiring and the shop is up for sale/lease. Any ideas what will replace this lovely gift shop?

The Phantom replies:

That's a shame indeed. I always liked this shop (though, as I mentioned in my entry about it, I never managed to find anything to buy there) - it was a classy addition to the parade. Oh dear. Another empty shop to fill...

Journalism Student and Charlton Athletic...

James asks:

I am a journalism student and i am writing about how the relegation ofCharlton Athletic will affect the local area.I know that they are currently making £17m worth of redundancies, butwhenever I approach them they are unwilling to elaborate.Do you or any users of your site know anyone affected by this? If so I would love to get in touch with them.

The Phantom replies

I can think of at least one person on this board who will know all about this! If you have any imput for James, you can either leave it here, or if you want to talk direct to James, contact me at the usual Ask the Phantom address - I'll put you together.

The Time Wreccas

(The Greenwich Chronicles) Val Tyler, Penguin

Warning: Contains spoilers

Wreccas are nasty little creatures who live underneath Blackheath and Greenwich Park. They all have names beginning with 'S' and they're all the kind of names that make kiddies giggle - Snot. Snivel. Spew. They remind me of those other great childhood baddies, the Bottersnikes and their entire reason for existence is to spoil other people's fun, especially the angelic Guardians who live above ground, guarding Time. Both races are invisible to humans and their battles are fought in the shadows of Greenwich Park unknown to the rest of us.

In a traditional battle between good and evil, the Wreccas steal the Tick that keeps Time going and it's up to two kids, one Wrecca, one Guardian, to return the Park to normality. It's a clever concept.

Once you get into it (and it took me a while - I read The Secret Agent in its entirety between chapters 3 and 4 of The Time Wreccas, though, that said, I am hardly the book's intended audience) it's a satisfyingly compelling read. At first I thought it might be one of those Christian allegory-type books, like The Chronicles of Narnia but now, having finished it, I think it is a classic quest-tale with a spot of redemption here and there along the way.

All the elements are there - adventure, peril, magic, guilt, penance - you've got the picture. But there is something slightly clunky here and there that grated on me as an adult reader who can hear the relentless bell of political correctness clanging round the offices at Penguin.

First, and most obvious of all, IMHO, was the careful doling out of male and female characters in equal roles of importance. To me, they'd thought "Hmm, we need to make sure that women are seen in equal status and that there are Positive Role Models for girls," rather than "What sex would most suit this character and would best develop the plot?"

Novels need to be character-led, not dictated by What Should Be. In the best books equal roles (a good thing, BTW) are fitted in so seamlessly that you don't notice. The weird thing is that when the chips are down here, the women go anyway - female Wreccas mysteriously disappear when they reach adulthood - which, it could be argued, would imply that women "can't" be revolting and horrid, perpetuating some kind of Victorian concept of femininity. Snot is the only female Wrecca we see - and she is 'redeemed' - leaving the only 'baddies' in the story all male. I'm not going to stay on that one for long, as I'm not sure that I'd argue that, but I did get the feeling that some of the characters were manufactured rather than being allowed to develop by themselves. It's hammered home when Snot says "I just forgetted, that's all...Girls is definitely as good as boys."

My other beef was the perfunctory death of a middling-to-major character. Just because J K Rowling did it, it seems that everyone has to force kids to 'face up to the reality' of Death. I don't even have a problem with that - if a major character has to die to push the plot forward, so be it.

But this was handled so matter-of-factly, that I felt cheated. This character had been responsible for heroic action, and was someone with whom I would argue children would have identified - or at least had sympathy, and their death would have had serious repercussions for at least one other character, who doesn't get a chance to deal with it in the book. The death warranted more than a short paragraph in the middle of a chapter, followed by "The next day..." This doesn't prepare kids for the concept of death - or coping with it - this lovable character was dispatched and the story ploughed on.

This all sounds as though I didn't enjoy it, which is not true. The simple story of good and evil trips along nicely and what I have read into it is one adult's overview, not how its intended audience (8-10? I'm rubbish at guessing ages for children's books) might see it (though I still think that the death isn't dealt with very well at all.) For local children especially, the references to parts of the park and Blackheath will be fun to identify, but I don't see this as a future classic. Anyone else read it?

BTW I bought the second book in the series as part of a bundle from Amazon, so I will be reviewing that as soon as I've read it. Something adult for now for me, though...

Helicopters

Laura asks:

Does anyone know about the continuous roar of helicopters over Greenwich yesterday (Sunday) such a beautiful day was spoilt by the presence of them

The Phantom Replies:

Maybe there was a riot at the Friends of East Greenwich Pleasaunce fun day? I didn't notice anything untoward there - no escaped criminals or jewel heists that I could see, though there were a lot of kiddies with balloons...

Seriously, folks, on this particular day I have no idea. But I do know why we have so many helicopters flying over us on a general basis. A friend of mine is a helicopter pilot, and I asked him one particularly trying day.

All aircraft need special permission to fly over London, but they usually have to wait well outside the area before they are allowed in. Helicopters are allowed to fly in a bit further, but they, too, have to join the queue for the real centre. The holding pattern for the City of London and Docklands is - you've guessed it - directly above us. My pal showed it to me on a helicopter map of London.

Add to this the weather and traffic helicopters for the media, police helicopters for escaped convits, the London Hospital airlift, M25 road safety helicopters, army chinooks (they're the ones with two rotors) and the various private helicopters for businessmen and sundry bigwigs, and that's one hell of a lot of noise. It gets worse on sports days - the Marathon, for example, with TV crews. Expect more on the weekend of the Red Bull Air Race - though of course you're more likely to hear the jet aricraft themselves that day.

So - yesterday's particular problem - I don't know - every other day it's -well, sheer weight of traffic (so to speak...)

Peninsula happenings

Being a nosey-type phantom, I couldn't resist going over to the very tip of the Peninsular to see what's going on just a week or so before the Dome reopens as this all-singing-all-dancing entertainment complex.

It's rather eerie at the moment. The actual Thames Path is as quiet as ever - the odd runner, cyclist or walker breaking the stillness that is generally just reed beds, abandoned art-projects and mud-flats. It's an area waiting to happen - I can't believe that there will ever be a peace like this in this area again - unless the Dome is another failure - which as a Greenwich resident I am bound to pray it isn't - I don't think the area could cope with the stigma of the Dome failing twice. There's a sort of Sleeping Beauty feel to it - the core infrastructure from the Millennium ruckus already looking slightly old-fashioned, with its 1990s blue paint though I can't imagine Anschutz waking it with a kiss...

Most eerie is the Pier. The gate was unlocked - a red rag to a phantom - so we lost no time slipping in to have a look round. It's looking good, though very lonely. The ticket offices, complete with dusty windows and grimy barriers, still display the entrance prices - £ 20 for an adult £ 16.50 children, £ 18.00 concessions. It might have seemed steep at the time but when you look at what the average gig at the new place will be costing, it was a positive bargain (of course one could argue that it might actually have stuff we want to see this time round...)

As we were leaving, we met one of the hundreds of workmen on the site. Bare-chested and swaggering, he was happy to chat - not least because of the overtime he's clocking up just now. He told me that if they're not done in time (and believe me there's a LONG way to go) his bosses are going to have a £ 250,000 penalty to pay every week. That means that he and his mates are on massive overtime and he's enjoying the work while he's got it. He seemed to think that the boats will be back in a week's time. I'm less optimistic myself - but since it's private money the chances are that it won't turn out to be the farce that Wembley was.

Leading in from the pier, the path to the Dome itself has been spruced up with a bamboo path designed to hide the horrid bits behind, where the tarmac has been dug up in some places and has weeds growing through it in others. There are other green barriers too. A giant 'wall' made from ivy and box screens what looks like a square, where there is already a working giant plasma screen facing the tube station. There are also some strange square-shaped topiary pillars. I can't see what they actually are, is it's impossible to get very close and security was tight. We did consider joining the queue of people applying for jobs in the restaurants at the main gate just so we could be nosey. Somehow my conscience clipped me round the ear just in time.

Anthony Gormley's Quantum Cloud is looking good - the best I've seen it. The Slice of Life half-a-ship is not doing quite so well. Inside the big blue fence around the dome is a hive of activity - dozens of blokes having a fag break at any one time - but it's difficult to peer in to get a really good look. The old jetty that's been covered with eco-plants is still in good nick (though its sign needs a spruce up) but that water-garden eco-park bit just inside the dome at the very tip is in poor condition. I do have hopes for it in that the wooden walkways are still there and all the reeds etc seem to have been chopped down to the ground rather than hoicked out. Maybe it will be allowed to return.

We walked all the way around the very tip - always a pleasure. I wonder whether it can stay as peaceful when the Dome opens. Only time will tell...

Taiko Meantime Drummers

www.taikomeantime.com

If you watch the London Marathon from the Charlton end of Greenwich, I'll bet anything you like that you've ended up just having to find out what those bursts of booming sound are whenever another pulse of runners go by. It took me a couple of years to actually wander up there from my usual position, but now that I know where the Taiko Meantime Drummers are, I make sure I pay them a visit every year now.

There are about 12 performers in this troupe of crazed percussionists, throwing themselves into walloping massive drums in time with each other in the name of art. To someone like me who's only just staggered out of bed, the energy that these guys throw into performing is, in its own way, every bit as hefty as that of the runners hurtling past them. I have to say they'd look more in place at Glastonbury than under the A102(M) flyover, but they still cut one hell of a caper and they're our local taiko drummers for local people...

They were formed by Mark Alcock who studied in Japan under some of the finest masters, including Katsuji Kondo, of the incredible Kodo drummers in 2001 and have created an act that's exhilarating and exhausting in equal measures. Although they're based in Greenwich (at a secret headquarters that is not mentioned on their website - or indeed, anywhere I can find. Maybe they're down in Jack Cade's Cavern - has there been any creepy rumbling of late, I wonder?) they travel all over the world and bowl up on TV and at festivals. They've sold out at major theatres in London and been involved with projects across Europe.

They run public workshops for all ages - which usually seem to be connected with festivals and events as far as I can see, schools sessions, and corporate team-building events - not something you'd catch me at.

And if all this whets your appetite, they are always looking for new people - but not just anyone. Just one look at their auditions page would be enough to put most people off - and I guess that that's the idea. They want the kind of energy, commitment, physical strength, and - well, lunacy, that only a few (12, it would seem) people posess. Check it out just for a laugh - and if you can actually say "yes" to questions that include "Do you play a musical instrument or have experience of a martial art?" "Do you have a good knowledge of the UK taiko scene?" and, the one that would kill me, "Are you willing to load and unload drums at very unsociable hours?" then you may just have found yourself a second career.

For the rest of us, here's a date for your diary. November 1st, they will be debuting their new show at Greenwich Theatre. And there's always the Marathon.

May the force be with them...

Olaudah Equiano, 111 Maze Hill

The Interesting Narrative/Sold as a Slave
Penguin, £ 4.99

There are two famous slaves closely associated with Greenwich. I've been putting off writing about them as it would look like I was just jumping on the whole 200th-Anniversary-of-the-Abolition band waggon, but hey - I've changed my mind. What did it was reading Sold as a Slave - an series of extracts from Olaudah Equiano's book The Interesting Narrative. It features first-hand accounts of the experience of slavery that still need to be read two centuries later.

The first part of his Interesting Narrative takes place in Benin in Africa. We see the young Olaudah as he relates the customs and ways of his village. He relates his capture - by his own people - and journey to the coast via various sales and acquisitions on the part of merchants from other tribes.

His passage to the New World as a slave is related in appalling detail - often simply told, but all the more horrific for that. He includes the little incidents that the great history books omit and it is in the small, exquisite atrocities that the major indignities of this world gain their true horror.

He was sold to a ship owner where he lost the final shred of his dignity - his name, being called Gustavus Vassa and beaten until he answered to it. Going into the Navy, however horrid at the time (the other sailors had usually been "pressed" into it - Olaudah himself gives an account of joining a press gang to get hands for the ship) was actually probably a better life for the poor guy than working in the fields in the West Indies would have been. He got to sail to England and came to stay at 111 Maze Hill with his master's relatives, the Guerin sisters, in 1755 and 1770. There's no plaque there, but I've heard rumours the powers-that-be are considering a blue one.

The Guerins taught him to read and write, in between his going off to fight in the Seven Years War. Once again his descriptions are alive with the kind of detail that usually gets left out of the history books - he was the lowest of the low - a powder monkey, who faced being blown up himself with every shot he loaded. His accounts are terrifying - the man who opened his mouth to shout orders only to have a musket-ball go straight inside and come out through his cheek - and occasionally darkly funny - the man who had a nightmare where God told him to swear off the booze and give away his rum ration. The men laughed at him for having dreams but all agreed that it was probably a good thing to let them dispose of the demon drink for him. He had the last laugh - when the ship was collapsing around them, he was sober enough to escape.

Throughout, Equiano dreamed of freedom. When he got back to Deptford, he believed his moment had come. A shipmate who had bought him and treated him kindly promised freedom in return for his wages, but he was betrayed and sold again to a Captain who took him to Montserrat where he was at least bought by a kindly master, but witnessed worse degradations than he had even seen so far. He saved up enough to buy his freedom and came back to London. After not really succeeding in a venture as a hairdresser, he went back to sea, joining an expedition to the North Pole. Also on board was a young Horatio Nelson.

He came back to London met the abolitionist Granville Sharp and became involved with the campaign, though, contrary to recent films, he never met William Wilberforce. On a trip back to the Caribbean, he was cheated again and nearly sold back into slavery, strung up for hours before finally escaping in a canoe.

When he finally got round to writing his life story, which was an immediate, if at first surprising, hit. The year was 1789. The world was changing. Across the channel the French were revolting. Philosophers were questioning and even British nobles were beginning to realise that things could not continue the way they were.

Equiano died ten years before abolition was accomplished. He continued to campaign for equality, but also found happiness for himself. He married an English woman, Susanna Cullen and left £ 950 (quite a sum in those days) to his surviving daughter.

One of the problems of this new Penguin edition of parts of Equiano's work is that it is so very scanty that it leaves gaps which are at best frustrating, at worst misleading. Part of the Great Journeys imprint, which are meant to be read, I guess, on a train journey or short plane ride, it is the Readers Digest of the classics - enjoyable enough at the time but ultimately posing more questions than it answers.

In almost every account I've read elsewhere of this pioneering influence in the abolitionist movement, it is accepted that his memories of life in his African village before being captured as a small child and later sold by his own kinsmen to white slave traders at the age of eleven is true. The Penguin introduction (a paltry two paragraphs) declares this is "almost certain...a fabrication." It has been argued that although after his sale his accounts can be independently verified, the earlier accounts may have come form other slaves' reminiscences. There is a graph of pros and cons as to whether he is telling the truth here: http://www.brycchancarey.com/equiano/nativity.htm
but I would argue that frankly it doesn't matter. Whether those memories are his or someone else's, they are real and deserve respect.

St Mary's Church

Never heard of it?

Hardly surprising since it hasn't existed since 1935, but I bet you'd know where it was.

Back in the early 19th Century there was a massive rise in church attendance and Greenwich herself was well on the up. The centre of town was a veritable neo-classical building site. St Mary's church, at St Mary's Gate of Greenwich Park, was built just before the first phase of the grand improvement scheme which transformed the market area was begun, but Crooms and Royal Hills were already gentrified and Gloucester Circus was brand-spanking-new.

The architect was George Basevi, a Greenwich boy, born and bred. He was desperate to become an architect and persuaded Sir John Soane to take him as a pupil. He then disappeared off to Italy and Greece for three years, as young men of his day and class did. On his return St Mary's church was one of his early commissions in 1823. From the rather fanciful engravings that remain of it, it was a pretty little place - a neo-classical front and a tall Italianate bell tower. It was intended to show just how genteel Greenwich was becoming, and the developments around King William Walk followed not long afterwards.

It all went horribly wrong, though. First, for poor George Basevi, who, in the 1840s was commissioned to sort out Ely's prison population by enlarging the jailhouse. He was doing well, but on 16th October, 1845, whilst inspecting Ely Cathedral's western bell tower (what was he doing up there, I wonder? checking it out as a watchtower for escaped convicts?) he fell and was killed. They buried him in Bishop Alcock's Chapel in the cathedral (tastefully placed at the other end...)

St Mary's church lasted less than a century longer. In 1935/6, it was demolished (I don't know exactly why) and integrated into part of Greenwich Park. It's surrounded by a beech hedge, some of the foundation stones marking out the original position.

And the reason why everyone will know it? Because it has one of the most snigger-worthy statues in Greenwich placed right at its centre. The giant granite sculpture of "the Sailor-King" William IV was originally sculpted by Samuel Nixon in 1843 and intended to stand at the head of London Bridge, appropriately enough on King William St. Road-widening in 1936 made poor William redundant, so he was moved to live out his retirement in a quiet corner of Greenwich Park at the top of a road I am not conviced was named for him, being giggled at by small boys and juvenile phantoms...

fnaar, fnaar...

Olympic Logo

Greenwich Mutiny asks:

Now I know this isn't strictly Greenwich talk, but I would be interested to know what you think of it???

The Phantom replies

I love it. It speaks to the youth of today in a fresh and exciting voice, one that the kids will understand.

No - just joshing there, folks.

I suspect the story goes like this. Design company is paid up-front for the job and clears off to the Bahamas for six months. The night before they have to hand in their grand idea, they hit a blank. Nothing's coming. They try idea after idea, but it all just gets crumpled up into the bin. There's nothing for it, they'll just have to hit the bottle. They get horribly drunk and end up throwing up, before falling into a drunken stupor, slumped across the desk. The next morning, they have no choice but to drag something out of the basket unfold it and hand it in...

With enough bullshit you can convince anyone of anything.

Personally I think it smacks of old people desperately trying to appeal to what they think ' the youngsters' will want.

Any one out there actually like it?

Preview: Open Gardens Day

The Pagoda, Pagoda Gardens, SE3
28, Granville Park SE13
12, Eliot Vale, SE3

15th June 6.00pm - 9.00pm

I'm sure that many people will know about this already, but I thought I'd give the rest of you a heads-up on one of the great opportunities-to-be-nosey of the year. Part of the National Gardens Scheme, three of the best private gardens in Blackheath are open for one evening only for the public to enjoy, the proceeds going to various good causes. It's an evening that I normally would not miss, though sadly I can't make it this year.

The great thing about these particular gardens is that the owners have got together and made them open on the same evening at the same time, so that, in a very civilised move, you can wander between the three of them, enjoying a glass of wine at each as the sun sets. So very civilised...

The Pagoda is probably the most famous of the three. I will come to the house itself another day - it warrants an entry on its own - but the garden is wonderful - totally in keeping with the house's history. An English interpretation of an oriental fantasy, the half-acre includes shady walks, a water garden with a suitably red lattice pergola and some truly lovely country-style planting. There is some fabulous old stonework, and a great mix of jungly/tropical and old English plants.

28 Granville Park is a long, narrow garden with separate 'rooms' - right next to the house there is a sunken area with giant ferns and palms. My overwhelming memory is of a splendid circular lawn and intense planting. There's a pond and, right at the far end, a dry garden. Plenty of shady nooks and interesting corners.

12 Eliot Vale is completely different. Designed for access (presumably there's someone with disabilities in the family) the paths are long, wide and winding, and the planting is low. The pond is raised - I assume to avoid accidents, and there's an enchanting little summerhouse in the centre. It's an odd shape - just when you think you've got to the end, it turns a corner in an extra bit that they presumably bought off the neighbours. Lovely and shady. This garden seems younger than the others to me - an extra year on, it may well have established much more. The sculptures that are dotted around may not be to everyone's taste, but it's certainly a bold idea and they add interest, mingling in with the plants.

On the surface, it's not a 'cheap' evening. Each garden costs £ 3.50 entrance fee, which notches up if you have a family, but if memory serves, this includes a glass of wine, and, let's face it, it's all for charity and it's a lovely evening. Somewhere in my mind it costs less if you go to all three. My suggestion would be to give up on the savings front and book a nice restaurant in Blackheath Village afterwards.

Enjoy - let me know what you think if you go.

BTW, I'll be coming onto the other Open Gardens - for Bexley Cottage Hospice, and in the centre of Greenwich for GreenwichAlive another day...

Word Verification

Folks,

I've just had my first deluge of spam comments - you know the sort of thing - random number websites and other horrid things, so I've introduced word verification - where you get a wobbly-letter thingie to copy so that a computer can't fake it. Hopefully that will stop the problem. I really don't want to have to make people register or anything...

Bombay Bicycle Club

Greenwich Kitchen, Trafalgar Road SE10

I don't recall a more fiercely anticipated arrival of any kind of takeaway anytime or anywhere than that of the Bombay Bicycle Club. When the old fish and chip shop closed it stayed shut for sometime. I recall writing a blog about the number of dead shops down Trafalgar and Woolwich roads - in the 30s, I vaguely recall. That has been alleviated to some extent (though there's still plenty of room for anyone contemplating any of the shops on our wish list - see 'streets' - don't hold back now...) and not least by the presence of several decent shops - Theatre of Wine, The Fishmonger Ltd - and now the Bombay Bicycle Club.

The BBC is a chain - the same chain as the new Gourmet Burger Kitchen, I'm told - a bird that makes its nests in swanky London urban suburbs - Holland Park, Hampstead, Clapham - you get the picture. The very fact that it has decided to come to Trafalgar Road must say something good for us - that they consider it an area worth investing in. Money talks and they wouldn't come here if they didn't think the area could stand it - with a bit of luck others will come (preferably individuals, but good SMALL chains will be fine in the short term) and the so-so takeaway jungle we already have there will be forced to pull its socks up.

The place itself is ok - not as pretty as some of its branches, but still smart and fresh. It's modern with a post-ironic touch - flock wallpaper and chandeliers making little statements about the traditional concept of the Indian restaurant. We tried to order a couple of days after the leaflet came through the door, but it took until the weekend before they actually opened.

We decided to enjoy our first order with friends. We were unable to get our usual "secret control menu" because, shock, the BBC actually do their own recipes and don't completely follow the same lines as everywhere else (though of course everyone has their own interpretations of the classic anglicised meals.) We decided to order 'off-piste' and see where and what we got.

The online ordering service isn't live yet, so we called up with our choices. The guy was difficult to understand, but it was worked out quickly. They promise a free bottle of house wine with your first order if it's over £ 20 - believe me that isn't hard at their prices. They don't actually have any house wine at the moment, so they substituted a couple of bottles of beer instead.

The order arrived quickly (they'd said 45mins, it actually arrived in around half an hour) and with a smiley delivery man (always a good thing.) But we were a bit surprised by the size of the bag.

Now I don't know about you lot, but the one thing I normally noticed about Indian takeaways is that you get plenty of food for your cash. We have got into the habit of under-ordering, because the portion sizes are so huge. When we looked at the prices of the BBC, we assumed that this must be the case with them too. Everything - from the poppadoms to the specials - was more expensive than everywhere else - some things just a few pence, others well into the pounds. This isn't really a major problem if you know in advance and the quality is excellent. It just makes it a 'treat' takeaway rather than an everyday naughty staple.

Nevertheless, despite the fact that we had spent well over twice what we normally spend on an average curry, the amount in the bag just didn't look like it was going to suffice. As our company hadn't arrived, I dashed round to our local 'normal' takeaway to get supplements - rice, an extra main course, and extra poppadoms. I thought it would make a good contrast anyway.

I have to say that fresh boiled rice is fresh boiled rice. I could taste no difference between the BBC (£ 2.50) and Cafe Massala's ( £ 1.40.) Of course some takeaways, especially if they're not very busy, send old boiled rice - you can tell as soon as you open the box - but both of these were light and fluffy, and well-flavoured. We didn't get any pilau from Cafe Massala, but the BBC's version was aromatic and light. Again, when they say it's for one person, it really is.

I think that there were two BBC poppadoms, but it's impossible to say. It was literally a paper bag full of crumbs. The crumbs tasted nice - well spiced and crisp, but they were just crumbs. Cafe Massala's version won that particular battle.

The onion bhajees were good - tasty and fresh. We chose one meat, one fish and one vegetarian dish as mains. Of these, the best (in my humble opinion) was easily the cod in masala sauce - rich, flavoursome and nicely spiced. Definitely one I'd have again. Of the vegetarian dishes there were no medium-spiced options (they do it in 'penny farthings' - one bicycle is 'mild,' two, 'medium,' three, 'hot') and I felt that their Dopiaza (£ 6.45, Cafe M's - £ 3.80) was a little too mild, though also very tasty, well-made and with lots of recognisable vegetables as opposed to the brown mush you sometimes get. The meat dish, Lamb Madurai, advertised as a club favourite, (£ 7.75) was ok. nicely spiced but a little brown-mushy and slightly chewy - enjoyable but possibly not worth the money. Our aubergine side dish (£ 3.95) was rather oily and not as flavoursome as some in the past.

As I have mentioned, these dishes really are for one, so I had ordered an extra bog-standard dansak from C.M - £ 3.60. Dansaks are, of course, by their very nature, a bit on the brown-mush side, but this one was the usual medium/hot very edible standard.

My advice on this one is that the food is of very good quality. But the prices are high (we paid well over twice what we normally would and then went to get supplements from Cafe M) and the portions, when they say are for one, really are. There was very little left over from our meal - and that includes the supplementary dishes. That said, I still cannot move this morning...

Rathmore Benches

The corner of Troughton and Rathmore Roads, SE7

Who needs to go to Barcelona when you have Charlton on your doorstep? If you're not expecting anything more than some rather sweet Victorian terraces when you're walking along Troughton and Rathmore roads, the first time you see the (still) fabulous Rathmore benches is one of those wonderful experiences that Life gives out for free every so often.

In a style strongly reminiscent of Gaudi's dazzling Park Guell, this extraordinary structure of concrete benches wrapping its way around an old (1901, if memory serves...) chapel (now Rathmore Youth Centre) winds like a length of colourful satin ribbon gently undulating and forming two long, continuous benches for the Youth of Charlton to enjoy. All along it, in minute detail, are mosaic images - people, flowers, sun rays, crashing waves, boats, motorbikes, cornfields - and what looks suspiciously like a detonator of some sort.

Maybe this is a darker vision than it at first appears. This was made by the excellent Greenwich Mural Workshop (You know the drill, 'more about them another day') in the heady days of the 1980s when there was the money around to do that kind of thing. There is some doubt about exactly when it was executed - The Public Monument and Sculpture Association, thinks 1989, but I have found evidence of a publication about it as far back as 1983 (it's by Greenwich Mural Workshop themselves and just 12 pages long, so I guess it could be a proposal. I am sure one of you long term residents - Inspector Sands, perhaps, can tell me the date?) but this is a period when CND and the Greenham Women were still very much at the forefront of the news. A time when even Tony Blair was still against nuclear weapons. In other words, more politically volatile times.

Sadly the colourful mural that accompanied the project and which may have explained more about the meaning of the remaining benches has been painted over - in battleship grey, of all colours. A more miserable, dampening colour would have been difficult to find, but could have rather symbolic subtext if my theory is correct. I have no idea whether my fancies about these benches having political resonance are anything more than mere whim, but if it is, it might explain the grey paint and general condition of the work...

If you've never seen these remarkable constructions, my advice would be to see them for the very first time by night. The sodium streetlamps are far kinder to them than the harsh sunlight which shows just how badly they have worn. By night, they are a magical sight, the colours a little subdued by the lighting, but the general view much more akin, I suspect, to how they were originally conceived.

The money just isn't around these days to look after exciting sculptures in backstreets in Charlton. The Public Monument and Sculpture Association has recorded them as being "At Risk" - and they're absolutely right. They are. Flakes and tiles of mosaic are missing almost everywhere you look, and in places the wire mesh that forms the foundations shows through. Even the little flowerbeds carefully integrated into the design are looking distinctly bare. But it is not too late to save this wonderful piece of late 20th Century art. If the will is there, then they can be preserved, perhaps even by their original creators. Listing would even be an option. Sadly I don't think that grey paint is coming off any time soon...

The Secret Agent

Joseph Conrad

The next installment in my own personal Great Greenwich Readathon, I was a little nervous of The Secret Agent. I fully expected it to be written in some ancient crusty old style, dry and dusty and only of academic interest.

But there's only one way that books become classics, and as with virtually every classic I've ever read, I found myself drawn in to an intriguing web of ideas, not to mention genres. It was, frankly, easier to read than a kids' book that I'm currently ploughing through in the name of completism.

It's exactly one hundred years old this year - not that anyone else seems to have noticed - yet the themes of politics, terrorism and personal grief are as fresh now as ever. Even the concept of someone wanting to deliberately harm a great Greenwich monument isn't entirely far-fetched given the context of last Monday's events...

This was written at the very beginning of the genre novel when the rules of such things hadn't solidified, and if you try to pigeonhole at it as such, you'll find yourself tied in knots. What is it? A police procedural? Political satire? A straight tale of espionage? A thriller? Surely not a comedy? There are elements of all of these, but Conrad himself describes it as "a simple tale." I would argue that ultimately it's really about human frailty - the things we do for others - consciously or otherwise - and the real effect they have on those around us. It is a story of consequences and repercussions.

Set in London, around a dirty bookshop in Soho, the plot is centered on a real-life "anarchist" attempt to blow up Greenwich Observatory. Conrad took the news story and created a fiction around it, treading an unsettling path between what really happened and his own interpretations, intriguingly cynical for the times. In one of my favourite scenes, the sinister Mr Vladimir from an unnamed embassy, coolly reflecting on the best target for a terrorist attack, dismisses in turn a church, restaurants, theatres and art as not actually being horrific enough. He talks about targets the way a modern advertising exec might consider the best place to put a hoarding, with a clinical knowledge of what would really get to the core beliefs of each social class.

There are wonderful references to the area - the would-be terrorists get off at Maze Hill Station, and one of them escapes via the now-defunct Greenwich Park Station, but not without being spotted by the keeper of the Lodge at King William Gate (now the Cow and Coffee Bean Cafe.) But to just use this as an historic document would be a shame. Conrad's writing rises above mere pot-boiler. There is something of Dickens in it - hardly surprising, he was a great fan, but it has an almost modern feel too. The futility of misplaced trust and ultimately pointless sacrifice on the part of several of the characters is told simply enough, but has a resonance that speaks today.

Property Ladder

I was so cross at having missed "North" Greenwich on Property Ladder that I thought I'd look it up online. There's only clips of the C4 website (http://www.channel4.com/4homes/ontv/property-ladder/pl_greenwich_strood.html, if you're interested) but enough to see that I'm rather glad that those two won't be any neighbours of mine...

650 grand! Does anyone know if they've sold it yet? Or are they holding out for a million? What a pair of greedy gits. Whatever happened to good old fashioned doing up a property because you actually want to live in it?

I'm most annoyed at having missed it, but More 4 seem to be repeating the series on Thursday nights, starting last night from Episode 1. Greenwich is Episode 8, so I make that a date for the 19th July, folks, so anyone like me who happened to be out can see the neighbours we narrowly avoided...

(BTW I assume they called it "North" Greenwich so it seemed like it was close to the tube station.)