Off-Plan Hutches

Woolwich Road, SE10

Tell me – are these not the most horrid little rabbit hutches you ever saw? A few short months ago this was a petrol station – at the end of Woolwich Road, next door but one to East Greenwich Library.

Now what I can only describe as (slightly) overgrown shoeboxes are being shoved up at a rate of knots. They are being sold as “off-plan” apartments – clearly “investments” for prospective landlords to make a killing on. Each one is long and thin and crammed-in next to its neighbours.

I can only assume it will be so dark inside it will need the lights on all the time, and each unit looks so small they might just as well have built a pile of those “container houses” on the site. Now admittedly they’re not as small as they first look – each one is three scaff-bars across – but believe me – they’re still tiny.

There are probably people out there that think I am totally anti-development. This is absolutely not true. I don’t object to apartment blocks per se. No, really I don’t. I don’t even object to apartment blocks on the site of old petrol stations – after all that Jet garage was hardly a vision of loveliness (albeit ocasionally useful.) But these flats – clearly being designed as rental accommodation – are mean in virtually every respect. Surely somebody could have designed something a bit better than this? Someone’s got to live in these.

If, for some inexplicable reason, you’re interested, folks, hold onto your hats. A one-bedroom flat will set you back £ 230,000 and one of the two three-bedroom “duplexes” will cost a staggering £ 447,000. If you want a live-work ‘space,’ factor-in a whopping £ 450,000.

The Phantom weeps.

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