"Welcome to Your Area"
Maybe you lot can help me out here, and explain why I get so very angry - almost to the point of irrationality - whenever this particular publication drops onto my doormat. Lord knows we've got enough estate agents' mags cluttering up the universe, some ever-so-slightly better than others, but this one, just this one, makes me want to do something brief and violent to a punch bag.
Perhaps it's the fact that it's Foxtons who create it - a company who don't even have a branch in Greenwich and to whom I wouldn't go if they offered to sell my property in a week and pay me for the privilege. The nearest branch is Canary Wharf, and yet they choose to litter my environment with their yuppie tosh about how to add a coat of paint to your blistering walls so that you can fool other yuppies into thinking that they are pristine and stick a pot plant in the garden so they won't notice the next door neighbours' caravan site.
Maybe it's the impersonal smugness of it all. "Welcome to your area," it smugly chirrups. It hasn't even gone to the trouble of personalising that title in ANY way; of actually making it relevant to anyone who might be reading it. I guess it's democratic - whatever area they may be shoving this tedious tripe through unsuspecting letterboxes, they can guarantee that from Balham to Newham, Parsons Green to Stepney Green, they're going to piss off everyone equally. It took me a while to work out that it was the photo that was supposed to be 'local' (I think it's that well-known local landmark, Limehouse Basin, but I won't swear to it.)
How DARE they 'welcome' me to my own town? What right have they to impose this waste of paper on my doormat, trying to ingratiate themselves and their services by making it look like they've created something worth reading?
Could it be the dull articles by local branch managers? Who do they think their audience is? Other branch managers, I assume. Oh, they dress it up as "insider knowledge" on the property market - but are they really going to tell us (even if it was) that the market is anything other than fantastic and that every buyer in the world wants to go through them? Every so often there's a boring graph or a bloomin' obvious tip for brightening up YOUR home "You need to let as much natural light into your home as possible." Great. Thanks. I was going to paint the whole lot Goth Black but now I've read Welcome to Your Area, I see the error of my ways...
Most of it, of course, is properties for sale, and I note that there are half a dozen or so Greenwich 'homes' this month (not, it would seem, put up by 'real' sellers, these mainly seem to be developers.) But that's the only reference to my area in the whole 'magazine.'
The weird thing is that however damn impersonal it may be, this actually isn't a one-size-fits-all. This crappest of all crap mags is actually available in 22 different versions and if you're really keen you can call up Foxtons and they'll send you any one you like.
No. What really bugs me is that they post it into MY home. If it was a catalogue available to people who are actually interested, I might just about forgive them, but instead they force it on me.
But why do I hate this one more than any other flyers that end up on my mat on a daily basis? Maybe you can help me with that. Most, I can live with. I may not want to get a Chinese/ Indian/ Japanese takeaway or order a Pizza or Southern Fried Chicken, but their flyers don't actually send me into a rage. I'm actually mildly amused by Professor Manjou, the International Medium (he's 100% successful, you know) and Sister Angelina the palm reader (even if she is only 98% successful) and the other local papers and magazines are at least worth a flick-through.
But this one...this one... What is it with this one? Help me out, please. I'm going to chuck this evil misuse of innocent trees in the waste bin now before I suffer an effing apoplexy...
Perhaps it's the fact that it's Foxtons who create it - a company who don't even have a branch in Greenwich and to whom I wouldn't go if they offered to sell my property in a week and pay me for the privilege. The nearest branch is Canary Wharf, and yet they choose to litter my environment with their yuppie tosh about how to add a coat of paint to your blistering walls so that you can fool other yuppies into thinking that they are pristine and stick a pot plant in the garden so they won't notice the next door neighbours' caravan site.
Maybe it's the impersonal smugness of it all. "Welcome to your area," it smugly chirrups. It hasn't even gone to the trouble of personalising that title in ANY way; of actually making it relevant to anyone who might be reading it. I guess it's democratic - whatever area they may be shoving this tedious tripe through unsuspecting letterboxes, they can guarantee that from Balham to Newham, Parsons Green to Stepney Green, they're going to piss off everyone equally. It took me a while to work out that it was the photo that was supposed to be 'local' (I think it's that well-known local landmark, Limehouse Basin, but I won't swear to it.)
How DARE they 'welcome' me to my own town? What right have they to impose this waste of paper on my doormat, trying to ingratiate themselves and their services by making it look like they've created something worth reading?
Could it be the dull articles by local branch managers? Who do they think their audience is? Other branch managers, I assume. Oh, they dress it up as "insider knowledge" on the property market - but are they really going to tell us (even if it was) that the market is anything other than fantastic and that every buyer in the world wants to go through them? Every so often there's a boring graph or a bloomin' obvious tip for brightening up YOUR home "You need to let as much natural light into your home as possible." Great. Thanks. I was going to paint the whole lot Goth Black but now I've read Welcome to Your Area, I see the error of my ways...
Most of it, of course, is properties for sale, and I note that there are half a dozen or so Greenwich 'homes' this month (not, it would seem, put up by 'real' sellers, these mainly seem to be developers.) But that's the only reference to my area in the whole 'magazine.'
The weird thing is that however damn impersonal it may be, this actually isn't a one-size-fits-all. This crappest of all crap mags is actually available in 22 different versions and if you're really keen you can call up Foxtons and they'll send you any one you like.
No. What really bugs me is that they post it into MY home. If it was a catalogue available to people who are actually interested, I might just about forgive them, but instead they force it on me.
But why do I hate this one more than any other flyers that end up on my mat on a daily basis? Maybe you can help me with that. Most, I can live with. I may not want to get a Chinese/ Indian/ Japanese takeaway or order a Pizza or Southern Fried Chicken, but their flyers don't actually send me into a rage. I'm actually mildly amused by Professor Manjou, the International Medium (he's 100% successful, you know) and Sister Angelina the palm reader (even if she is only 98% successful) and the other local papers and magazines are at least worth a flick-through.
But this one...this one... What is it with this one? Help me out, please. I'm going to chuck this evil misuse of innocent trees in the waste bin now before I suffer an effing apoplexy...
Labels: reviews
posted by The Greenwich Phantom at
07:48
16 Comments:
Oh dear, I kind-of miss those pointless glossies, we used to get them all when we had our SE10 postcode. Now we've shifted to SE8 - and an ex-council flat to boot! - we no longer 'deserve' to receive this kind of crap. Hurrah for Deptford!
I know the feeling of being 'left out'- we're not posh enough to get The Guide - I have to pick it up from the Theatre.
But believe me you wouldn't want this one. It is evil in the worst possible way.
But from what I saw of "The Tower," (admittedly I only watched the first epsiode) it won't be long before the March of the Estate Agents hits Deptford. Then you too can get irrationally angry.
Oh dear, your post did make me laugh. I'm yet to receive that particular glossy mag. I know what you mean about Foxtons (E-V-I-L) and I was brought out in a cold sweat when I spied one of their for sale/let boards recently on Prior Street.
Foxtons are the devil. They recently valued a friends flat in Clapham £100k over the other estate agents valuations.
When I was selling my humble studio in Woolwich I rang them just for a laugh. They asked for my postcode and when I said SE18 the guy put me on hold for ages and then came back and said, sorry we don't cover that area - where is it anyway?
That remains the sum of my dealings with them.
SE7 remains aloof from this muck too, although the odd Foxtons mini has been seen prowling around. Hound 'em out!
I got a lift to a rugby match with a guy who works at Foxtons Canary Wharf in his Mini. He said the amount of shit he gets on the road is incredible.
And strangely SE28 also does not recieve this publication. Shocking I know.
embarassingly enough we bought our house in Greenwich through foxtons recently and suprise suprise, when we came to exchange contracts(which had taken months) they persuaded the sellers to increase their price by 20k, by which point we didn't have any choice but to say okay, as there was nothing similar in the area and we'd already paid for survey and solicitor to draw up the contract... I definately put that magazine straight in the bin when it arrives!
Hi,
I have just moved to Greenwich and I have also received the evil magazine! It went straight in the bin!
Hi, Phantom and others, I know exactly why any estate agency irritates me: they are liers, and they have lying in their job description. Since I moved to Greenwich 7 years ago, I saw many estate agencies emerging on Trafalgar Road, and every time, I could cry with disappointment as I always hoped that somebody would finally see the hole in the market here and open a proper vegetable shop (such as Creaky Shed). Well, I am still waiting............
And also, I believe that when people move to a house only to "do it up", and sell with profit, and do this continuously all the time (every 2 years, or even less), they break up the community, and everything and everybody is just anonymous and nobody really cares about anything. Estate agents just want to encourage this never-ending moving, so they make a lof of profit - another reason why I do not like them.
And, thank God I did not get their mag yet (I live in SE10) - it would go in my recycling bin anyway.
GO PHANTOM!!!
Enjoyed your rant, and was amazed at how many of us instantly binned "Your Area".
Can I just stick up for two Greenwich estate agents I've dealt with? Jason who was the Manager of James Johnston a couple of years ago (don't know if he's still there) was a very decent really,really nice bloke. A couple of other people I know have said the same thing about him, too. And James Johnston used to give a cut of their profits to The Cutty Sark appeal (maybe they still do?).
And John Payne are a proper local firm who've been around forever, not some Johnny-come-lately-Canary-Wharf-flash-harry agency... John Payne have generously supported Friends of East Greenwich Pleasaunce events a couple of times, and also give money to the Westcombe Society.
They ARE all Estate Agents, but some are more committed to "our area" than others.
Thanks for introducing me to the delights of 'AREA'. After reading the original post I discovered a copy, neglected near the front door. It repays careful study and there is content, indeed scholarship, if you look very hard.
The July edition suggests, to me, that great caution needs to be applied this weekend as a horde of French cyclists descend on Greenwich. 'Area' asserts that Venetian independence was stiffled when it was conquered by Napoleon. We in London should be vigilant. I, for one, will shake my fist as the peleton, snakes it way through our streets- the faster their progress, the better and lets hope they don't turn round, I say!
Since finding the July edition, I have also discovered the April and May issues lurking under a box. Alexander, Dominic and Cate, who somehow manage to combine the dark arts of estate agency with feature writing are already welcome guides to these troubled times. 'Area' is such a mine of information- did you know, for example, that an ex-Hollyoaks actress paid above the asking price for a two bedroomed maisonette on Langdale Road. I thank the April edition for that juicy tidbit. I will not rest until I track down the June issue and add it to my library.
In the meantime it is back to Stuart Maconie's 'Pies and Prejudice- In Search of the North', for me. Well worth a read and an antidote to false gloss, fur coat and no knickers rubbish like 'Area'.
I swear that when it comes to buy and sell again estate agents will be entirely out of the equation.
I've yet to find an estate agent that has a modicum of integrity; where to these people come from?
Why do we give them our money anyway? What they're doing isn't entirely all that complicated...
In the future I will only go through private websites and deal with sellers/buyers direct.
John Payne - yeah, they were good to us, too. About six (seven?) years ago we were looking to move into the area and were getting increasingly frustrated by the process. On one pretty fruitless trip we stopped in by John Payne who had nothing new to offer, popped into The Auctioneer for lunch, then headed back to the train station, heads hung low.
We were several yards away when we realised we were being chased down by an eager John Payne agent saying she'd just had a call in for a house that might be perfect for us. Could we see it straight away? Of course we could! We put an offer in an hour later, and I'm very happy to say we got it and continue to love this house.
Whenever I tell the story to friends they remark that few estate agents would have bothered to hoof it down the street. Most don't even seem to return phone calls. If we ever move again, and I hope we don't, we would have to consider John Payne first.
James Johnston and John Payne are decent EAs. As for Felicity J. Lord and Foxtons they're akin to those really, really dodgy used car salesmen. Bleurgh.....
Oooh strong feelings here! Perhaps you could very nicely write to the lovely people at Foxtons and suggest that its marketing bods get a copy of Seth Godin's 'Permission Marketing'. It explains that interruption marketing - such as an unasked-for 'glossies' through your door - don't work any more. There is a groundswell of feeling against this - and wanting to deal with businesses who are ethical, authentic and ask for permission before scything through any more forests.
And then there`s the Winkworth one. I have blogged apoplectically on estate agent glossies and other Greenwich-related matters over on myspace. Everyone drinks in Deptford now to avoid the City overspill and conserve funds.
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