Jo asks:

The site next to sainsbury’s just up from Elverson Road, not strictly Greenwich but nearly. Anyone know what’s going on there? They’ve been knocking down warehouses like no-one’s business but there’s no sign saying what the development is, mysterious….

Hmm. At the risk of sounding horribly parochial, this isn’t really my area. But it’s worth an ask as I bet someone here does. My usual rule-of-thumb is that if there’s something being knocked down, you will be seeing luxury flats going up very soon…

You may notice that I’ve introduced a few discreet GoogleAds on the page – basically to fund a few running costs. They are computer-generated and neither I nor the advertiser get any say in what goes on, keeping me nice and free to say whatever I like.

Fear not. I do not (and never will) take direct advertising for anything I write about. If a GoogleAd for something I’ve written about is on the same page, it is nothing to do with me and has no effect on what I say.

I’m not allowed to ask you to click on the ads, but if your mouse was hovering and it just accidentally clicked all by itself…

I’ve just remembered what else I love about Marathon time. For the couple of days afterwards you see seriously nutty, fun people doing impossible stunts for charity.

I’m gutted I missed ‘Indiana Jones’ being ‘chased’ by a giant rock (see today’s Standard – it’s quite extraordinary – I think he’s the same guy who has ‘run’ in a diving bell and in a suit of armour in previous years)and I think the lady who was knitting a scarf was a bit speedier but I did see a guy ‘running’ in slow motion this morning along Trafalgar Road as I was walking to Sainsburys. By the time I came back, he’d done about half a mile. I wanted to ask him when he thought he’d finish, but he was being mobbed by a gaggle of admiring old ladies…

Don’t you just love Greenwich…

PS I’ve just been reading up about “Indiana Jones.” His real name is Lloyd Scott and his website is here:

http://www.lloydscott.co.uk

I always approve of free fun on the doorstep, and since it’s pretty much impossible to do anything else on Marathon Sunday, I always try to get down to see people with rather more energy and determination than me punishing themselves on a hot spring day.

I’ve got it down to a fine art now – watching on TV until they get to PC World in Charlton and then making a nice cup of tea and wandering down to wander up and down Woolwich/Trafalgar Roads and watch the crowds as much as anything actually going on officially (though did anyone else think there were fewer crowds than usual yesterday?)

I love the gangs of brownies so excited that they cheer absolutely anything while they’re waiting for the actual runners, I love the taiko drummers underneath the flyover, I love the groups of small hoodies who surreptitiously join the competitors for a while round the Old Hospital, I love the people nigh-on fighting each other to give out water to the famous runners. I especially love the macho cameramen straddling the back of motorbikes, testosterone sparking from their very fingertips as they pretend that this is the kind of thing they do every day in their cool, tough meedja lives…

I knew a few people running yesterday but they were all very dully dressed in sensible clothes so I managed to miss them all, so I just cheered all the people in stupid outfits instead. I particularly liked the pirate ship, the entire cast of Star Wars, the giant guide dog for the deaf and the baked bean. But my favourite was definitely the little lost pony up by East Greenwich Library…

Little Lost Pony is confused…

Little Lost Pony is very sad…

Little Lost Pony finds a friend…

Aaaah…

Ashburnham Grove SE10

Estate Agents hyperventilate over any property that comes onto the market in “The Ashburnham Triangle” (more about that another day) – they know they can make huge profits and easy sales. The people who live there realise this, and make sure that it stays nice.

This is pretty much exactly what you might expect in an area as swanky as this – a local mid-Victorian boozer updated for what is clearly a local community who actually use it.

I guess from the wine-bar-ish decor, it’s not long been refurbished – wood panelling around bottom of the walls, a fireplace stripped back to the brick, squashy armchairs at the back and a rather splendid painting of a sort of abstract map of Greenwich – The Ashburnham Arms marked with an A, of course. There’s a little conservatory at the back. Frankly it could have been done a little better, in my humble opinion – it feels a bit hastily-done, but it nevertheless provides nice surroundings in which to enjoy a quiet pint.

The beers are by Shepherd Neame (allegedly the oldest brewery in the country) who are presumably trying to meet head-on other top pubs in the area such as The Union. The punters are clearly well-heeled regulars, and they clearly love it. I’m told the food is home-cooked and lovely – but whenever I’ve been in I’ve always managed to be too late (tsk…)I will make an effort to be there when the food is still on and report back.

The pub takes a bit of finding, and I suspect the locals count on this. The piano player doesn’t quite stop when you walk in (though maybe they would if the place actually had a piano…) and it’s not an unfriendly look you get as you walk in, but there is an-ever-so-slight raising of heads and a ‘not from these parts’ atmosphere. And Quiz Night is definitely not a time to be a stranger here.

Would that there were more ‘local pubs for local people’ of this quality. The Ashburnham knows it audience and plays to it (if sometimes to the very slight exclusivity of others.)

The Ashburnham Arms is the local meeting place for our local Morris dancers, the Blackheath Morris Men. I daresay they’ll be out in force on St George’s Day…

BTW the loos are quite fun – two separate entrances leading to one room divided by a low glass barrier. His & hers sections, then a glass wash basin each, next to each other by the barrier so you can spoon over the soap.

Greenwich Theatre, The Duchess Theatre

Aaaarrrrooooooo!! Sherlock Holmes Mysteries, eh. They’re just like Omnibuses. You wait ages then two come along at once…

The Hound of the Baskervilles

Greenwich Theatre, SE10

Greenwich Theatre only hosts its own professional productions once a year – the panto. The rest of the year it’s a touring house which means that it’s only as good as the shows that visit it. Sometimes they’re a misfire, but more often than not they’re very good indeed.

This is a stylish production. Gauze flats which, if you sit in the centre of the auditorium look as though they are an open book (not sure whether they’d work so well from the side) serve as a screen for back-projections – generally effective, especially the great animations – it’s very hard to have an horrific beast on stage that doesn’t look daft, but this was actually quite a creepy figure. The other animations seemed to fit well in its Edwardian feel; that they were slightly out-of-focus wasn’t a problem. I’m not convinced that the same out-of-focusness worked for the projections of an open book used the rest of the time. I spent too much time wondering whether this was deliberate so that people couldn’t actually read it during the play – or just out-of-focus. When one’s mind keeps wandering back to a part of the set, then there’s something not quite working somewhere.

The play itself, for the most part, did work. Peter Egan’s Holmes was suitably insufferable – striding and posing and saying unforgivable things to poor old Watson, to whom Phillip Franks gave some real depth. I truly felt for him; he was certainly much more than a mere sidekick in this interpretation, and the balance of the relationship between the pair was much more equal than in many versions. I really got the feeling that Holmes needed Watson, and a couple of the lines left Holmes quite vulnerable – not that that stopped him strutting around and driving everyone mad – as only Sherlock Holmes can.

The other three cast members, as is traditional, played all the other characters. All three gave sturdy performances, though it was never in any doubt who the leads were.

It’s directed by the same guy who brought us The Woman in Black, and there was at least one genuinely creepy moment in it. I wasn’t too sure about the way that sundry literary quotes were shoehorned into the script – they felt like they’d been added for brownie points only – and the ending was bizarre in the extreme; the last line a complete non-sequitur. On the whole, though, this is a stylish, assured production with the well-buffed polish of a show that has been touring for some time. An intriguing ‘control’ show, then, for

The Hound of the Baskervilles

Duchess Theatre, W1

Boy oh boy am I glad I wrote the bit above yesterday morning. I have just realised that seeing two productions of the same story on consecutive days may help basic plot details but in every other respect it’s a very silly idea. A good job, then, that this version of HotB is very silly itself.

I spent the whole of the first half trying to work out why they’d cast a Spanish actor as Holmes. It’s a brilliant decision, thought I, (he is extremely funny) but rather left-field. And if the Peter Egan production had only five actors, it was positively lavish in comparison to the three on stage in front of me here.

It took a little reading up at the interval to find that it’s been created by an established theatre group, Peepolykus, and that regulars would know these guys from previous shows they’ve done together.

It’s wonderfully inventive – has to be, as ‘large budget’ was probably not a phrase bandied about at rehearsals. But, as I was taught at college, constraints lead to creativity, and in this case seeing the nutty ways they got round what might have been problems for anyone else was part of the maniacal fun.

From the moment a splendid fellow in top hat and sideboards steps forward to a series of quite remarkably-produced sound effects, you know you are in the realm of the bizarre. I can’t say that it’s unseen on the West End – the superlative The 39 Steps, currently at the Criterion, which won an Olivier last month, probably paved the way for the go-ahead on this production, but when you have a merry tear running from your eye in the first few seconds of a show, you’re hardly going to complain that there are two silly spoofs in London just now.

Javier Marzan’s Holmes is completely barking mad. There’s no other way of describing it. He makes the most of his heavy Spanish accent, puffing on an enormous curly pipe and wearing a natty deerstalker and caped coat. When he’s “Holmes in disguise,” only the fabric changes, making him a grotty coach driver in deerstalker and cape, and a stinking old tramp in rabbit-skin deerstalker and cape. His “indoor” velvet deerstalker-combo is particularly fetching, and acts as a good sausage receptacle later on (no – you’ll just have to see it…)

Watson in this version is, unlike the sensitive soul portrayed in the Greenwich version, a gaping loon, the Laurel to Holmes’s Hardy. Together they pursue their crazy quarry to, well, a quarry. The “other” characters were fabulously bonkers stereotypes whose gags were seamlessly inserted into the show later on.

I particularly liked the bits where they realised the show was running a bit short (did this start at Edinburgh, I wonder, where all the shows last an hour?) and they tacked on some ‘extra scenes’ which worked superbly well.

Every scene layers on the silliness and, coupled with some clever tricks (one of which I still can’t work out how was done) and inventive performances (Javier Marzan in a frock and beard is worth the entrance price alone) it makes for one of the funniest nights I’ve experienced in some time. Well – since I saw The 39 Steps, actually.

I don’t think this quite eclipses The 39 Steps, so if you’re only going to see one crazed anarchical comedy this spring, see that, but my face ached by the end of this show and I heartily recommend it. Hurry up, it only lasts for 10 weeks, but if you go before 8th May all tickets are £ 20. And the other Hound, at Greenwich only lasts til Saturday, and is also well worth a viewing, so get your skates on…

Note to Greenwich Theatre – get these guys Peepoluykus at Greenwich – they’re fab. Oh – and as a non sequitur to match that of the Greenwich version of HotB, when are you going to get the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain back?

Kate sent me this, and I thought I’d throw it out to the floor. Indoor language, now, please…

“I was pleased to read your post on Cllr. Mary Mills – and agree with all the comments about what an asset she is to Greenwich.
Can I ask what your (and your readers) experience of Nick Raynsford is please? I don’t want to get into party-political stuff, but I’ve been disappointed by his failure to respond to three separate queries in three years – A 100% non-response rate on issues which a junior assistant should be able to draft a response on.
Is this just my experience and he’s actually a good constituency MP or is he taking a relatively safe seat for granted? Please advise!”

Nick Raynsford is a puzzle to me.

I always thought that MPs were obliged to answer letters sent to them (not sure about emails)but if he hasn’t managed one response in three that’s pretty poor going. On the one occasion I actually wrote to him, he did respond, with answers to each of my questions, albeit cut-and-pasted party-line from various government policies, rather than with any personal or local thoughts. In my naivety I had hoped I might get some kind of personal opinion out of him – something that might individualise him. No chance. No cracks in that public persona.

On the plus side, he does at least live in the borough, and he does seem to occasionally open things or unveil plaques. Someone’s got to do that.

His rather annoying ‘newsletter,’ which I’m sure irritates more people than endears him, gives us a glossy PR view of his year, in which he’s seen picking up litter on the Thames (not knocking him for that, of course, but it’s hardly cutting-edge) and smiling with carefully-chosen pensioners. On the back page he has a diary in which he lists every time he spoke in Parliament. It’s not a terribly edifying read – he doesn’t seem to have much to say. (A friend of mine gets SMS alerts every time Nick speaks in parliament; I keep meaning to sign up for that too. It would seem from the newsletter that my friend doesn’t get bothered too often.)

Now, I know that all MPs create these newsletters, but I disapprove in virtually every way. It’s money that could be spent better on practically anything. All these newsletters do is show off what these guys have done and how wonderful they are. They’re glossy, tree-killing wastes of cash and time and they all end up in the bin.

But back to Our Nick. I guess see him as a bland party man, rarely prepared to raise his head above the parapet. Which is a shame as I think there is more to him than we ever get to see. I don’t see him as a bad man – or even, really, a bad politician. Just – insipid.

I think he could be a very good constituency MP – a sort of MP version of the exemplary Mary Mills. I think he has it in him – he’s just buried it.

I’ve only actually seen him in the flesh once – when I was walking to Sainsbury’s on a Friday night and passing the Labour Party shop in Woolwich Rd. It was surgery time, but he didn’t have any customers, so was lounging with his feet up on the desk chatting on the phone. I confess I’d always assumed that surgeries would be full, and I can’t believe that there are no problems in Greenwich worth sorting out. Having said that, it sort of gave him a kind of ‘human’ element – it’s the sort of thing I might find myself doing. I’m sure most people would disapprove, but it made me smile. I almost went in just to keep him company…

Hmm.

I confess I am, in general, quite excited about what’s happening at the Dome (no -I’m not going to call it that stupid corporate name until I really have to) and it’s only because nothing at the Arena appeals to me and I’m not prepared to spend ridiculous amounts on buying a ticket for something I’m not interested in that I’ve not got tickets to the first night(aye, there’s the rub of the whole Phantom gig – I might be able to say what I like about things but I don’t get any freebies.)

But I’ve been uncomfortable about not being there, so when I saw an ad in the News Shopper for the Indigo2 music venue (what are their PR department up to, one wonders – surely you’d have thought they could get a bit of editorial…) I thought I’d book up for something.

I didn’t bother taking the paper upstairs to book – I pride myself at finding things on the net – but after about 20 minutes of floundering around insubstantial websites I gave up and went downstairs to get the address (if you’re interested it’s www.theindigo2.com.) Trouble is, the site looks good – but it misses out what the place actually looks like, so when you come to book you have no idea of where you’re going to be or whether it’s best to sit or stand.

What, for example, is “The King’s Row?” You’ll pay £ 40 for the privilege of sitting there. It says it’s the VIP bit – but where is it? Quite often the VIP areas are just hosting corporate clients who aren’t actually interested in the event so it’s noisy and difficult to see anything for all the horsey people quaffing champagne.

Ticket prices are not cheap. They start at £ 30 for standing, and some of the tables also cost £ 30 – but I can’t tell whether you’d actually be able to see anything if you sat in one – or whether the people standing in front would block your view. The centre seats are £ 35 and there seem to be some more expensive ones at £ 39.50 (only on some ticket websites) which for the extra 50p you might as well sit in that mythical Kings Row.

Its being a new venue, nobody knows. It would have been really helpful to get a seating plan – or even some kind of flowery description. There’s a fairly rubbish artist’s impression which could be bloody anywhere and, er, that’s it. Is there food? Who knows. Is there drink? Probably. Do you have to drink? Only time will tell.

After a lot of faffing around on the ticketmaster site I gritted my teeth and bought tickets – but oh-my-god it hurts. The actual price paid isn’t just the face value, of course.

It costs a whopping £ 4.75 PER TICKET extra PLUS £ 2.75 postage. What are they going to send them in? Gold envelopes?

These extra charges really stick in my craw. And you can’t avoid them because there’s no box office to visit in person. GGGGGRRRRRRR. Presumably once there is a box office they won’t actually be able to charge the postage any more, but I’ll wait to see whether that sodding “service charge” remains.

What I don’t get is why they don’t make the tickets themselves more expensive and hide the “service charge.” (probably some tax-y VAT thing, I guess, but it’s still crap.)

I don’t know any more than anyone else what the Indigo2 venue’s going to be like. But it had better be bloody good for these prices and the amount of time I’ve just spent buying the tickets.

I’ll report further developments as I hear them.

Nathan Way, Plumstead, SE28

This is the bit of the Council’s refuse site that we used to call “going down the dump.” A few years ago it was changed to being slightly more recycling-friendly, but it has had quite a facelift recently and though not quite perfect yet, is definitely going the right way for my money.

Firstly, you now drive up onto a ramp and drop your waste into the various skips rather than risking life and limb climbing those slippery metal steps with giant bin bags. Secondly, they’ve designed it for fewer hold-ups (though there were still a few traffic jams when I was there.) Thirdly, they’ve got more different sections so that more things can be separated, which is A Good Thing. Everything from household batteries to paint and household chemicals can now be separated – which means that toxins don’t leach out into the water supply whilst they’re in landfill.

The big change is that they’re introducing a new bit which is not dissimilar to Greenwatch, but for household items rather than office furniture. There’s a new area for unwanted white goods, furniture etc, which will be reconditioned – either just cleaned if they’re still working or mended if they’re repairable – by young people who are being NVQ trained in this field and then either used by the council for helping needy people or young families or re-sold to the public.

I understand that goods will be on sale at the reuse and recycling centre itself, but I’ve also heard rumour that there will be a dedicated shop at the industrial estate in Bugsby’s Way on the Peninusula. Goods will be very cheap (naturally) and if you have a Greenwich Card, they will be subject to further discounts. I think this is a great idea – and can only hope that they will expand the project to other, smaller items that might turn up in the “household waste” bins which still go to landfill. I still weep when I see what is being thrown in them. The other day I saw huge planters (the sort that cost a fair whack in B&Q,) a not-unsalvageable bicycle and some good-looking plastic boxes, all of which, given a hose-down, would have gone very happily if they were placed on Freecycle.

I totally applaud Greenwich Council for introducing all this. I believe it’s a good move – especially since any money raised from the sale of these goods will go to help train young people.

They’re also going to be changing our rubbish collections – or so I’ve heard. The blue-top recycling bins (which, by the way, can take virtually eveything except polystyrene, organic material and those cardboard fruit juice packs with the aluminium linings) will be collected once a week.

They will be converting our green-top bins from general rubbish to organic – so everything from chicken bones to hedge clippings, eggshells to left-over pizza. These will also be collected once a week and taken to a special, covered, ENORMOUS compost bin-type thing where they will collect the methane and sell it to gas companies, and the compost which they will sell to local developers for topsoil. There shouldn’t be any smells as people can either collect their organic waste in paper bags or cardboard boxes inside their bins or use special cornstarch bags which will rot down with the rest of the waste.

Anything else will be picked up in bags every other week – theoretically there will be virtually none of it.

I also think this is a good idea. The more the council can collect, recycle and sell, the less our concil tax will be and the less guilty I’ll feel about throwing things away. They’re making an effort – albeit because Governement and EU directives are forcing them to.

So – that’s household waste well on the way to being dealt with soundly, but we still have a problem. There are no Governement directives about small and medium-sized businesses recycling waste, and until shops, businesses and offices are also forced to recycle the huge amounts that they accumulate, the work the council’s doing with our household stuff will be less effective than it could be. Some businesses are doing it anyway, but they need to be given more incentives – carrots and sticks. We’re all in this together, whether we want to be or not.

Cafe/Deli/Traiteur

40, Tranquil Vale, SE3

It’s part of that funky row of interesting shops that we’d give our eye-teeth for in central Greenwich – just two doors down from Boulangerie Jade and round the corner from several other fabbo stores, but let’s not be mealy-mouthed – it’s still largely walkable – and a worthwhile destination indeed.

I’d heard good things about Hand Made Food, but the place was always so darn busy that I had shied away from actually trying to eat in there – or even to queue up for a takeaway. It looked great. That slightly bohemian, busy interior with splendid-looking tarts and pastries, cakes and buns, quiches and salads filling the windows made my mouth water as walked past. But those queues…

Still. Queues are part of the whole phantom-gig, and after yet another rave review from friends I finally tackled it. No room outside of course, but I was determined to sit-in if I could so we nabbed a couple of stools at the side. The service is very friendly and fast – considering that you can’t just choose a dish – you have to answer all kinds of questions about how much you want, what you want it with and how you want it done. It reminds me a bit of that bit in You’ve Got Mail where Tom Hanks explains how Starbucks allows people who are bad at decisions to feel better by having to make fifteen decisions over a cup of coffee before work. Not, of course, that I’m in any way comparing this wonderful place to Starbucks. Sorry guys…

Still – there are a lot of decisions to be made and that’s before you get to the drinks. The choice is large – and, obviously, all home made. Large, organic fishcakes, huge slices of tart of the day, well-composed salads, a whole fridge full of toothsome-looking meats.

Our fruit juices were wonderful. They arrived separately, as they were individually prepared and they tasted like it too. Tangy, fresh and substantial in themselves. My Tart of the Day (leek and Gruyere) had fresh, crumby pastry, not too thick, not too thin, and a tasty, deep filling, well-balanced and good-sized. The side salad was a disappointment – exactly two leaves of lettuce, and with the dirty bottom bit still gritty. Perhaps that was my fault, as they had offered me the selection of salads from the chiller and I had been concerned that it would be too much, so opted for a small green salad instead. I don’t blame myself for the grit…

I am the only person in the world who doesn’t seem to be turned on by bacon – even vegetarians seem to miss it. Not me. So I left it to my companion to test out what I had heard called ‘the best bacon sandwich ever.’

He is a big fan of the bacon sandwiches you get from the van in Blackheath Farmers Market – and confesses he likes the immediacy and floppiness of the bacon – a dripping, juicy, wet experience. He had to admit that the Hand Made Food version was clearly extremely good quality, but it wasn’t quite to his taste, its being very very crispy indeed.

I suspect this is a case of basic personal choice. If you’re a fan of crispy bacon (and I know there are a lot of crispy fans out there) then you’ll be in heaven here. The bacon looked good and crunchy even to me who doesn’t like it. But if you like the floppy, juicy style, then go to the market, where the juices will dribble happily down your chin as you wander round, bun in one hand, napkin in the other. My companion said he would have liked a little butter on the Hand Made Foods bread, to balance-out the dryness.

I guess the best bit is that everyone gets to be happy – both styles are available.

The sweets are to die for – big plates of beautifully-iced cupcakes (I’m SO glad they’re fashionable just now – I just love them) tarts, slices of interesting large cakes and big slabs of yummy biscuity-type things like millionaire’s shortbread. I’ll have to test them another day though. My slice of tart was far too big to allow a sweet.

As you sit around waiting for the food to arrive (and it is a short wait – they prepare everything on the spot) you can look at the lovely food they sell. Montezuma’s chocolate (My favourite is the Geranium flavour, but I couldn’t see it there) yummy honeys and spreads, Burts crisps, interesting pasta – the selection is small, but exquisite.

Their coffee comes from the Monmouth Coffee Company – which I like a lot. (My own personal favourite coffee company is Union Coffee Roasters, based in Docklands, where the owners personally hand-roast every batch, but Monmouth is also good.)

I can only assume that Hand Made Food’s delightful shop in Tranquil Vale is the ‘public front’ of their catering business, since even at the healthy prices they charge, a couple of tables out and a few bar stools inside can’t really pay for rents in Blackheath Village.

I can’t speak for Hand Made Food as a traiteur – I have not knowingly eaten any of what I suspect is extremely splendid buffet food. But their menus look wonderful – everything from finger food for parties at £ 1.50 a mouthful – not actually bad for corporate prices – to cold buffet menus and what they call ‘little dishes for receptions.’ Has anyone used Hand Made Foods for their ‘do? I’d like to hear about it.

They also do hampers – chilled delivery for London, ambient delivery for the rest of Britain.

www.handmadefood.com